The End Of A Long Goodbye - E41

Clancy Denton  0:00  
Welcome to the loud quiet. Ooh, empty nester. Okay. What does that mean?

Rick Denton  0:06  
I think that actually probably is the theme of the nest. What are we doing? Let's do this. Let's do this thing. Is this Recording. Yes Okay,

Clancy Denton  0:15  
great. sans, children just does we need a tissue box up here. Follow along on our journey and maybe you know, we can learn from others.

Rick Denton  0:23  
I don't have a clue how to be empty nester, there.

Clancy Denton  0:25  
This is the loud, quiet, living the empty nest. Hey guys, welcome back. This is episode 41. For those of you who are regular listeners, we didn't take last week off we needed as I put on our post, just a brain break. We've just had a lot lot going on the last month but but if you did listen to the last episode, and you got the amazing, inspirational quote from Rick Denton, I did have it put on a coffee. It's amazing how fast you can get stuff made. So

Rick Denton  1:04  
yeah, you surprised me that was yesterday, the day before? Because you'd ordered some glassware for the kids or for Tanner. And then you're like, oh, but here's literally Father's Day as well. And so yeah, so,

Clancy Denton  1:16  
you know, maybe I'll start marketing and quiet on there. I

Rick Denton  1:22  
would like the merchandise, Shall I read it? The memories of the past help reignite the excitement of the present and secure the stability of the future? And that came completely out of my family. And we

Clancy Denton  1:35  
actually went and googled to make sure that you didn't hear that somewhere. And took it as your home. But yes, so so if you

Rick Denton  1:44  
can even add your I will add a little loud, quiet logo on there. 99 or something? Yeah, sounds good. I think you're missing a 05 $100 Well, 500 limit edition, we'll sign it. And if you don't want to sign we'll give it for two for five bucks, or something.

Clancy Denton  2:01  
So there we had, I had to start with that little plug and play. Sorry, it was off center. It was gonna bug me. So yeah. So now if you'd like to Yeah. So

Rick Denton  2:14  
as of today's episode, so clearly those of you that have been regular listeners, and if you're new Well, it's been a busy month, because we've had graduations We've had kids moving back in. We also had as y'all know, my mom passed away in the earlier part of this month, or I guess, technically last month because we're in jail. Yeah. So my mom passed away. As you can see here on the screen, we'll put a picture there. This was the image from her obituary, she passed away there, May 7. And then this week, which are I guess, Now technically, last week, but less than a week ago, we had my mom's memorial service. And that was a culmination of effort to get us to that point. And so the busyness we've been describing has been graduations, kids moving back. And then what does it mean when you've, you know, the passing of a parent, not only in the passing of a parent who has suffered from a long term disease, and what that's looked like, and so we thought we'd spend some time just, I don't know, maybe real time live processing?

Clancy Denton  3:17  
Well, and I think, you know, I know we mentioned briefly when we did our graduation wrap up, you know, yes, she passed away, literally, the week of we were in Arizona, of graduation. It was the day

Rick Denton  3:33  
we celebrated his first two. Yes. And it was the day of that we were told it's imminent. Yes.

Clancy Denton  3:40  
And, you know, just migrating through that as parents, to our kids who lost their grandmother, you know, we made the choice not to tell them the day that we knew that it was probably going to happen, because that was 10 hours to beg graduations we had all these fun things planned.

Rick Denton  4:05  
We wanted to be about him, it wasn't it's the activity and I didn't want him to lose it. And I can assure you, this woman here would not have wanted him to lose a bit of it because she liked a good party.

Clancy Denton  4:17  
And you do have to you know, that decision was not a hard one for us to make. But you do have to process okay. Are they going to be upset with us? And we didn't tell them when they you know, are they going to be you know, there are things that you have to think about but you know, and then even the next day when she did passed pass, we had just put Tegan on a shuttle to go back to her university. So we couldn't I mean literally we dropped her at the airport to get the shuttle we drove away. Your sister called and said the week you know the we here was Tanner, backseat. Yes. Clancy

Rick Denton  4:55  
and I are in the car together. And everything you said is absolutely right to you. probably wasn't outside of the Phoenix metro area, by the time that we received that call, and that again, that too was an easy choice not to let her know in the moment. It's just,

Clancy Denton  5:09  
it's decisions that you don't think you're gonna have to be dealing with, you know, we're like, we're not going to call her when she's on a shuttle at random people and tell you know, so. And that was also a hard because the three of us were still together. And she had gone back to pack up her dorm room and that kind of thing. And you know, we're like, do you want to come back and be with us? And, you know, she luckily her friends were there and so, so yeah, it just through. You know, I never Well, I never picture planning anyone's funeral because you just don't like to think about that. But planning it. Being on FaceTime in the hotel room, picking out flowers with Rachel and trying to decide not

Rick Denton  5:58  
having conversations while we're walking down the street at times. You had left to like you and I were getting ready to head to the hotel pool. And then oh, wait, no, here. I'm stayed back and did some of that. Yeah, this this was

Clancy Denton  6:12  
it was definitely

Rick Denton  6:16  
you know, and I guess, I think the seriousness of it is was more so that it was Tanner's graduation, we weren't done with his graduation week. If we'd been in Dallas, I probably would have dipped down to Austin and been with family that sort of stuff. But it was never in question to go btw, gathered that point. Now. I should say this because I mentioned it was eminent. We did have a discussion around and mental processing and a discussion around should I go back to Austin, there was actually the capability to do a day trip back to Austin, sort of a what if she passed. And one of the, this is gonna sound strange, one of the blessings of Alzheimer's is this was a very long goodbye. I sit here with no regrets about the time that I spent with my mom during her sickness. We made an effort to make sure that I went down there monthly, you were there almost every other month. And so my goodbye to my mom had already taken place. In fact, there's a specific distinct moment where I said, I don't remember the exact words. But basically, whenever you're ready, Mom, we are ready. And that would be something I might say, Here's my little advice thing is, you know, you never know when they're going to pass. And certainly if you do have this long term thing, I at least get to sit here without any guilt or regret, knowing that I spent the time that I needed, even though I didn't go back. And I was not in the room. The moment that she did pass. I'm thankful that she passed peacefully amongst family. But I'd already had the chance to say my goodbyes, and I feel good about that. I just don't have I have no guilt. Right.

Clancy Denton  7:49  
And that's, like you said, almost a blessing of a long term illness. Whereas you're not getting a phone call at your house in the morning, saying, you know,

Rick Denton  8:03  
because we've had the other side there, perhaps listeners that don't know, my dad passed away unexpectedly on a trip to Colorado in 2003. And we did receive that phone call in the morning. And the shock of that, certainly, it's a completely different. We could spend more time that has nothing to do the empty nest now. And that was a different experience back then.

Clancy Denton  8:20  
But it does show the difference between you know, we you Jerry Rachel had already kind of had some things planned for the service. And were you know, in that, or for the at least the great there were some things already in the works. So we weren't just

Rick Denton  8:46  
saying you're saying a little bit of yeah, there were some things in the work. There's a whole different conversation, I think I'd actually like to almost choose for another episode that could actually be helpful and hate. These are things you should be thinking of. Here's a great example. It took us a healthy discussion to determine us being Jerry Rachel and me to determine what her service would be we each came at it with slightly different perspectives. In the end, that discussion ended up with a beautiful service that we'll talk about the it came to the right thing, but that was something that we were having to deal with in the midst of also grieving and processing and that aspect of it that that's that's a little nuts and bolts thing that you don't think about as much as okay the actual literal service, run of show for lack of a better term who is going to do what?

Clancy Denton  9:35  
So yeah, so we did you know, you went down to Austin, as soon as we got back, I then went down with you another time because, you know, I don't think any of us realized or at least the younger people in the group realize that, you know, your mom passed away on May 7, we couldn't even have her service until June 6. Start Sorry, yeah, my dates are all Yeah. You know, it's almost a month and you're just like, but we needed every bit of that month for what we had planned at

Rick Denton  10:10  
first, we thought it was a sort of there were two things that happen. One another family ended up having some in the past and got a specific time at the church the week before Memorial Day, then there was Memorial Day. So we thought, Oh, well, those two delays are really worth pushing out a month, and it feels long. Oh, my gosh, yeah. I'm not so sure that we would have been prepared to do it with that for almost thankful that that family slipped in. And not just elements of planning, people's travel, not just ours getting Tanner back. We really have Tanner back and all that. But there are people who drove in there are people who flew and flew their countries. Yeah, we actually had other countries coming in. And so that was that's something that Yeah, it took a long time. But it surprised us how long but it was actually a good thing.

Clancy Denton  10:57  
So yeah, so we did go, sorry. So we did go down to Austin. And we went down, you know, day early, because we had a couple of other things planned, revolving around the service. But you know, we did get to go. And do you know, our one of our favorite things like

Rick Denton  11:18  
Amy Yeah, so the arboretum is a shopping center in Austin. It's been around there since the 80s. I still remember going to the movie theater that was built there. It was back to the future and Top Gun or some of the first movies shown there. These are stone cows out there that are near a great ice cream shop called Amy's. And that's our tradition. And so these are the cousins together. So this is my sister's family. And her two kids on the right, Kate, Charlotte, and then Tanner and Tegan, ours on the left. So yeah, we got to do our Austin thing.

Clancy Denton  11:47  
Yeah. And that was fun. And we, you know, went and walked out mount Bunnell. And yeah, we which

Rick Denton  11:53  
one of the pictures from my mom's service is there, that is one of my favorite pictures and one of my favorite views of Austin. And so that's, that was, I'm gonna actually go I want to come back to right there at that point of Mount. But now, but I want to talk about that trip that I took to Austin the day after we got back from Phoenix because that was That was weird. I had had the emotions of my mom passing, there were tears in the car there were that I didn't quite get slapped in the face with some of the loneliness that I was starting to feel, until the moment that I landed in Austin, and Austin, for those that don't know, that's where I grew up. It's a key part of who I am. It's just I declared as my identity, our family, my family that my side of the family is there. And something about landing in Austin. It was a dreary day, of course. So that certainly contributed to the mood. I just realized that things had changed. And I don't know and I'm still accepting how things have changed. But when you are now a child without parents, my dad passed, my mom has passed. Now you're sort of at the top of the generational heap. My idea of a grandmother is 99 years old. But you're at the top of the generational hierarchy. It It feels weird, and you feel alone and it was being there that day in Austin. And it was good to be spend the time with Rachel and Jerry and start to work on the things that we were starting to work on it just that's where it really started to hit me that life is different now.

Clancy Denton  13:26  
Well, and we're 50 and 51 Your sister's 47 gonna be 47 This year, I think, you know, that is young to have lost both of your parents. I certainly agree. You know, it's just it, you know, not luckily, but you know, our kids are in college, but like Rachel's kids are still young. Yeah, you know, and so now they you know, one they never even knew your dad. Tegan didn't either that willing Tanner

Rick Denton  14:02  
Tanner was able to at least have a physical co presence with my dad for a year but

Clancy Denton  14:08  
you know for them now. Yeah, to not have grandparents

Rick Denton  14:15  
on that side. And as

Clancy Denton  14:16  
an aside, Mars have both

Rick Denton  14:18  
sets cousins who have great grandparents on the other side so they will experience grandparents it just you're you're saying something that is really an I keep saying this phrase I haven't processed I don't mind saying this I'm going to start seeing a therapist two days from now and maybe that'll be something we talked about what is therapy in the emptiness world look like? The walking around the mall I know I'm jumping we'll get there but walking around the reception to Memorial I actually had this thought of they've got their parents. They've got their parents they've got the I've realized that Rachel and I were this not anomaly It's a big world. There's plenty of people that have tragically lost our parents mine in worse situation. Since then what we've gone through I'm not trying to compare to there. It just felt very clear that it was young for us. I think that's it to your point that it was. Oh my gosh, yeah. We have no parents and everyone else that are our peers. Most everyone. Yes.

Clancy Denton  15:18  
Or there have their parents. Yeah, no, it's definitely an interesting. So you talked about we did have a, we had on the night before the services, we had a group Well, which turned into be like 60 people. It was, it was this was this was my, this was so much fun. And this is a I put this picture of us with your mom's picture of she's got her glass of champagne toasting, because that's what we kind of wanted this to be a celebration. Come over have some Prosecco and treats that. Thank you so much to Rachel's friends. They did an amazing job. Putting together all the food. Tegan did an amazing, amazing job of organizing a crystal. I wish I don't think I have that picture. Yeah, at three crystal.

Rick Denton  16:11  
She had a lot of them were colored glasses that mom had brought from Germany.

Clancy Denton  16:15  
Yeah, so yeah. So this was really fun. You know, we invited I just put a picture of the kitchen because this, this was

Rick Denton  16:23  
I did do a few candid photos here. And sorry, Steven, and there.

Clancy Denton  16:29  
You know, this was just a small group. I mean, there really were like, probably 60. I think we ended up figuring out there were probably about 60 people there. And most of them stayed the whole time. And but I put the picture of the kitchen because as everyone's eulogies were spoken, it was a lot about food.

Rick Denton  16:50  
There were three people that gave us all three talked about it yet.

Clancy Denton  16:55  
But yeah, it was.

Rick Denton  17:00  
It was, and this is this picture is actually you're right, the crowd was triple or quadruple this. There's another room that's just off to the side of this that was packed. Actually, some of the challenge was walking around. And at the end of this, it truly was a situation if we felt like we were there. We were out of words.

Clancy Denton  17:17  
Oh, yeah, we had the four of us went to just get something to eat. And nobody spoke a single word. And that was how it was on the trip home too. Because that's a lot. I mean, it and I will say I was very proud of our kids. You know, Tanner, can schmooze with anyone and talk to anyone? Tegan. That's a little bit of a tougher thing for her. And she did. Yeah, she's Oh, good. I mean, she, I was really glad you brought

Rick Denton  17:48  
that up, because I was actually really proud of both kids as well that this is, this is not something that is a one, there's not a playbook for this. We didn't really equip them. Like we didn't go in and say, here's what you need to do. Here's how this will look like this was their sort of first. And yeah, the way that they they approached it. And yes, I made a joke that and I think I said it to y'all. But Did y'all hear me saying the same saying the same phrases? Yes. And that's, that's normal, because you are appreciative, you run out of unique things to say, what was great is to hear all the stories that were being shared. And the kids even talked about that, that people would, you know, tell them things that they got to hear things that were meaningful, and,

Clancy Denton  18:26  
and these people have been in your mom's your dad's. And, you know, Jerry to his lives for a very long time, like, very, very long time. And so there are people out there that went to metal medical school, and I have their picture later, but you know, but it's fun for them to see the kids too, because they know the kids. They've spent most of them have met the kids, right? But they just hear your mom and dad talk about, you know, your dad was so excited when Tina was born. But your mom especially just talked about how proud she was of them and everything. So, so, you know, they got several. Oh, my gosh, you're a man talking. And oh, my gosh, Tegan. You're so so

Rick Denton  19:19  
well, yeah, when they're when they're last awareness of these kids. You know, let's take the Cheryl's, for example. I think probably the last time they really really saw them, I guess, weddings. But you know, spending time would have been that lake trip that we took up to Arkansas and spending time.

Clancy Denton  19:30  
caimans we went with

Rick Denton  19:34  
that either way. The point is, we're talking about toddlers or elementary school kids and suddenly you've got a law student and a sophomore in college.

Clancy Denton  19:43  
So let me see what's next. Okay, so then we moved on to the outside. Yeah. And I let me just say, I am so glad. Rachel came up to me and she's like, do you think it's inappropriate? If we take a picture? I was like, No, I said we I said I don't think we have a single picture from your dad's service. And I said, this is a time of celebrating your mom. You know? Yes, it's sad. But we're all together. This group doesn't get all together that often anymore. So yeah,

Rick Denton  20:15  
Vicki the, I believe it was her, the coordinator who was helping us with the service at the church specifically called out, you will be taking pictures. So she had planted some of those seeds in our head. And I thought, really, at the cemetery. Yeah. And I did have to turn around. I said, Hey, folks, remember, this is a celebration. So we are going to smile, it's okay to smile, because some folks might wonder, is it Are you uncomfortable smiling? Is that wrong to smile? No. And part so we explained, when you're suffering from Alzheimer's, there's both the grief that someone passes and the relief that they are now pain free. And so that's part of the celebration, and we have a great confidence that due to my mom's faith, she is in paradise right now. And that's, that's where the celebration comes from, we can enjoy the life that she had here on Earth, and have that be our memories and celebrate the fact that she's pain free. So smiles are 100% appropriate here. And

Clancy Denton  21:10  
thank goodness, I mean, I am kind of glad that it was a little overcast that morning, because it was so I mean, the humidity in Austin was off the chart,

Rick Denton  21:19  
we're not going to do a weather report, other than I'll say, I'm not kidding. 92%.

Clancy Denton  21:23  
I keep mine questioning. Dr. Shear, we want to come back and look. Yeah,

Rick Denton  21:30  
that's a separate conversation, because I certainly had some seeds planted there as well.

Clancy Denton  21:34  
So then we, you know, we went back to the church had a great lunch that another group of friends of Linda's had organized, that that is one thing when you live in a place for so long. You know, people want to do something for you. And so take their help take anything you can at this time, because your brain is so focused on, you know, making sure everything else goes right that sometimes you don't think oh my gosh, we haven't eaten, we haven't done. So, you know, I would say there's a thread

Rick Denton  22:08  
there to have. And something that our generation I'm looking at you me, our generation may not be doing as well at and that is developing a community that would be there to take care of that, you know, this was fostered through Sunday school, and medical, medical relationships, and those sorts of things that there was this community of folks, as we grew up, as, as we've gotten so isolated behind our phones behind a foe relationship and social media. Do our your Facebook friends gonna be the ones that actually show up and serve you lunch at the passing of a family member? And so that's probably that's something that is a challenge in the empty nest. It's a challenge for our generation in general, in general.

Clancy Denton  22:54  
Well, and I don't know, you know, how many people stay in one place anymore? You know, I think it's actually gotten. I think it's kind of shifting back a little bit, because I will say, we haven't known too many of our group that's moved. But, you know, so. But yeah, so this was the service. The sanctuary looked at beautiful, the Rachel and I were like, Oh, the flowers look nice, because

Rick Denton  23:21  
we didn't pick the flowers. So this is for those listening. This is a picture of Taylor giving his portion of the eulogy. That was Lynn Parrish, Tanner, and I gave eulogies. Lynn was brilliant. Tanner was spectacular. It was

Clancy Denton  23:33  
wonderful than yours was very, very, very good. You I appreciate very good. I mean, and I've heard that from so many people. I was

Rick Denton  23:42  
surprised. I expected to have challenged with emotion. And I think that's something that needs to be I don't know when or how but talked about that. The tears are somewhat inconsistent and not overpowering. I

Clancy Denton  23:57  
was shocked at all three of y'all and not not shocked like oh my gosh, like, oh my gosh, how are they holding it together? Because Lynn barely I mean, she choked up kind of at the end of hers. Tanner didn't You didn't I mean it was I was so impressed with y'all his composure all three of y'all. And yeah, everything was so heartfelt. It was not like you know it I was just very I don't think that I could do it. I don't think your your sister knew she couldn't do it either. That's why you spoke for both of y'all. You know, it's just I was just really really impressed with the composure that all three of y'all had.

Rick Denton  24:46  
Well, and I like that. I certainly I appreciate that right to use the generic phrase I I don't think that a losing composure would be inappropriate there either. I what I what I'm bringing up here is is almost a, I don't even understand it fully myself that there are moments of emotion. And I think it has to go back to the fact that it's been three, three to four years of a long disease decline.

Clancy Denton  25:15  
I think it also goes back to the fact that there was a month in between. Oh, yeah. Because your dad's was, what did we say four days? We figured out that one and younger person, that one was way more emotional? Well, yeah, then I'm expecting you know. But I think that month, kind of notes. And because there were just so many other things outside of just the actual service going on that

Rick Denton  25:49  
I want to talk about that. Let's let's keep going through this. I want to come back to that specific thing here. Because I'm sensing a lot of that right now. But I want to come back to that of the a lot of things outside of the service.

Clancy Denton  26:00  
So So yeah, so that was that this? So I yeah, I did I put this is a picture of me and my college roommate, Kristin, who happens to live in Round Rock now. But you know, we're in the family room, and I see her walk by us like, oh, my gosh, you know, never would have expected her to come and you know, she's like, Well, I live here, I'm, you know, it was just it was so thoughtful. And she actually said something that you kind of alluded to, she said, you know, you have to show up. And I was like that put into my eyes like, yeah, and I don't know that I do that. So that was nice.

Rick Denton  26:51  
Seeing Kristin there, showed me something about ceremonies like this to the point of the showing up. It was really amazing to see names and faces that I didn't think would be there. This is from you know, your your college roommate that there were just people that come come out of the woodworks if you will. And it shows you the impact that my mom had on others. And in the case of Chris, my mom didn't know Kristen, Kristen doesn't know my mom. But Chris knows you. And Kristen knows that she wants to be there for ya.

Clancy Denton  27:25  
Yeah, that was nice. The

Rick Denton  27:27  
table that you see behind there is a bunch we didn't do. Because I didn't take a picture. This is a good idea. And I hope that we see this more. There were a bunch of objects and photos that were put out across three different tables that represented my mom. Yeah, from her needle point lume to different photos. And that allowed for and of course, there was the photo video taking place in the screens around the ceremony or the reception. But getting to see some of those objects laid out I think was neat for a lot of folks who may have had a memory with those other than also just to see a little more color behind who she was. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  28:01  
And again, thank you to Rachel's friend, Stacey, I think is her name. She did an amazing job of putting all of that together on the bat. Stephanie,

Rick Denton  28:10  
I thought it was no Stacy. That's right. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  28:13  
So she did a great job of putting all of that making the display, like nice and everything. And so

Rick Denton  28:22  
if you need for funeral Memorial object design work, we can put you in touch with somebody's really great.

Clancy Denton  28:27  
So here's the picture of that. Yeah,

Rick Denton  28:30  
so the Cheryl's are on the left side of this photo, the minnows are on the right side of the photo. This is back to truly med school. Internship, the MNOs actually lived in Germany at the same time as my parents live in Germany, which is when I was born. So there's a picture of their son Ray, not here, of course, but an old picture that he's in liter hose and I'm in diapers. So there are memories that go all the way back. The Cheryl's bill, Cheryl, Dr. Bill shared these, obviously both doctor and medical families. He was I don't know if he was actually top of his class where he was second in his medical class, he met my dad and shot down to something like 20 3040 like his, and he said it was the best two years of his life. So my dad had some influence on him, but it was just, it's great to see these people have been a part of I mean, try to think about that. That would be well that's this is this is your Christian. Yeah. Right. This is this is this would be my Scott, Rick and Phil, there are people that you've known for decades, half a century and

Clancy Denton  29:31  
we you know, we and our kids have traveled with these people as well. You know, we've gone to the Caymans. We've gone to the lake house and Arkansas. I can't remember if they were on the Germany trip or not, but you know,

Rick Denton  29:47  
they're allowed not to remember because that's where teat you were pregnant to memories are very fuzzy.

Clancy Denton  29:52  
Yeah. So So yeah, so but it just it wrapped up the service was beautiful. The A pastor who didn't let me it was amazing.

Rick Denton  30:05  
No, my mom and just by the the obituary, and a 10 minute conversation delivered her homily, I think.

Clancy Denton  30:12  
Sorry.

Rick Denton  30:16  
A homily. Yeah. That kind of was sitting there going, Man, how do we follow? Thankfully, it was okay. But it was very,

Clancy Denton  30:24  
very, very good. And, and ever. It was so funny. Everyone was like, she has an amazing voice tacular Yeah. And I think Kristen said, I'd like to have it on recording to fall asleep to at night. I mean, it was just an come to find out. She had been a trial lawyer before and Tanner said I knew it. He said she delivered her words like a lawyer. So it's awesome. So yeah, so but it was just a really nice service. All the people that helped with the church and we interacted with were great. But yes, we were exhausted. And like I said, No one said a single word.

Rick Denton  31:12  
Do we Do you have any more photos queued up?

Clancy Denton  31:14  
I do. But it's a special one. Okay.

Rick Denton  31:16  
I want to talk about man, we were so long here. But I do want to talk about folks listen to it on to x, if you're thinking it's going long. This is kind of near the end of it, you can see the room has almost cleared out, there's very few people left, we were just about to start unloading this or loading, I guess the stuff into the car. And I left the reception room to walk across the church comm complex to get our car. And as I was walking, I had this thought, Hmm, that's it. And it hit me. We'd had all of this activity planning getting to this moment my mom passed, but then we still had the memorial to plan for and that at that point, the official ceremonies, acknowledging my mom, celebrating my mom, our focus on that was over. And yes, there's a ton of business because estates, it doesn't matter if they're big or small, are a pain in the butt to deal with. But the non business side of it. That was it. And I I still right now don't know exactly what that means. It feels weird, which is too simplistic to say. And I have even thought about because we're talking about Monday, six days ago. It's weird to me right now that I don't think of that more often. Or what's even more strange is how there are many times that I don't think about it at all, because we've had so many distractions, we spent time getting Tanner helping him find an apartment, we won't go into that because that can be an episode in and of itself. That moment, walking across the courtyard hit me in a way that I think I'm still dealing with now. Well,

Clancy Denton  33:07  
and I think, you know, if we hadn't already had other stuff planned, because we did have some things that we already were obligated to back here. It would have been nice for us to just get on a plane and go somewhere. I said that. Yeah, we just couldn't, because we did have obligations back here. But I think because there were a lot of things that had to get done in that month. And, you know, because we wanted to have something at the house. We had to kind of get the house, you know, in order. We had, you know, again, you had to fly down to go plan. The service. I flew down one day to help you and Rachel get the house ready and, you know, go through 500 pictures and narrow them down to 125. You know, I mean, there were just being so yeah, it was it was a month of full of. Okay, Tex this Okay, wait, Jerry needs this. Okay, right, you know, and now Yeah, it's like, you know, it's weird it Yeah, it's just and it and I think what's really going to be weird is when you and I go back later this month. Like we're only going for a day trip so there won't be enough time I think for weirdness to set in but it will be very different. You know, like we said, we your mom had already we had already lost part of your mom. Oh, I've you know, gone I believe for the past four years, but she was still there and we would still go see her and, you know, so yeah, it's just, it is

Rick Denton  34:58  
that's it. That's what I mean by the relationship to Austin the relationship to my family. We didn't even talk about that. What does that mean when the quote reason right I started flying to Austin once a month, I had an under it under focused on Austin for a period of time until I got that gig and Dell, it kind of reconnected. And then we started making more, Austin, but it was really my mom and her sickness that got me going down there once a month. Well, okay. I still intend to do that for Nana. Still, what does that mean? What are those changes? What does that look like? What does that that mean? I don't know. And that's why I have an appointment Thursday morning to talk with a recommended therapist. So

Clancy Denton  35:39  
yes, I did say one gem for last because as we were going through the Oh,

Rick Denton  35:45  
kidding me? You know, I have production control over the deal

so there is this gonna be the thumbnail for the episode.

Clancy Denton  36:01  
Watching this is a senior photo shoot.

Rick Denton  36:05  
I mean, I look like I'm straight out of

Clancy Denton  36:07  
Jersey like You're like some that

Rick Denton  36:10  
I could have been an extra on The Sopranos.

Clancy Denton  36:15  
Gosh, because it just old chain

Rick Denton  36:16  
black turtleneck, mushroom hair. Having hair. You know, actually I do remember that hair that you see right there. It's curled its way now you don't have to go back. It's so wavy, but its length actually touched. If it would straighten it went to the top of my lips, I could actually get it all the way down there.

Clancy Denton  36:39  
Just had to end on a laugh.

Rick Denton  36:44  
I imagined that selfishly, we may spend more time talking about what this means how it adjusts that sort of thing. I don't know that next week, we'll be as heavy heck, we'll be talking about what it means to find a kid and apartment, city. But I'm glad that we had the chance and those of y'all that listened and viewed. I'd love to hear your stories. Some of you have lost parents. And so what does that mean? Well, how did you go through this? I'll say it again selfishly so that I can learn how to do it. How can how can a spouse learn to go through that and support that? What does that look like you've lost a relationship to and so what does that? What does that look like? Don't know?

Clancy Denton  37:21  
Yeah. Now there's lots of things to explore with this. You know, like we've said, just just even on the just logistical side of things, so not necessarily emotional but yeah, so well, well there you go.

Rick Denton  37:37  
I'm glad that you ended. No, I'm not glad that you ended on I Am. I Am. I'm working it on tape here that I am opposed to that image, but I will not edit it out. Oh goodness, Clancy. It was fun another episode of the loud quiet, living the empty nest

Transcribed by https://otter.ai