Empty Nester Tips To Get Ready For Graduation - E135

Clancy Denton (00:00)
This week on The Loud Quiet, empty-nester tips to get ready for graduation. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of The Loud Quiet. This episode is going to be full of tips. We know several of you are probably headed into the graduation season for your college students. We probably have some of you out there that also have a high schooler that may be graduating.

Or both. Right, yes. could have both. High school is a little different because for most of us high schoolers, or well, for all of us, high school is happening in your city. For most of us, college is happening not in your location. So we wrote an article for the college family newsletters about some practical tips and emotional tips.

Rick Denton (00:29)
We could be jamming it all in in one year.

Clancy Denton (00:57)
for going into the college graduation season.

Rick Denton (01:01)
Yeah, it's been a few years since our son graduated from college and now we're actually thinking about our next and her graduation coming up. It was surprising to us how much went into that week and how much we knew going into it and how much we learned going into that and then add grandparents into it. We had, it was a week long experience. So we had multiple dinners.

Tegan Tanner's sister was down in Tucson, so we had to get her between cities, including getting us there. It was exhausting by the end of that week, and there was a lot that we knew going into it, and there was a lot that we learned that we want to share.

Clancy Denton (01:44)
It's so different now. When we graduated, there was one ceremony. had one ceremony. Now it seems like Tanner had three. Yes, three. We were like, what do you mean you have three?

Rick Denton (02:02)
Well, because I thought it was just you graduated. Yeah. End of message.

Clancy Denton (02:05)
But now it's, no, you have the school that you're in. ⁓ and if you're in the Honors College, then you have an Honors College one, and then you have the big one. So yes, we had three different ceremonies.

Rick Denton (02:17)
my school graduating, all of it. I graduated at the same time in the same ceremony with masters. There were people getting their medical degrees. There were people getting their, like all of us getting our undergrads. It was all one university.

Clancy Denton (02:32)
I

don't know how many schools do it that way. I know now at least, you probably at least if you want to go to the big celebration one and then each individual school has, and when I say school, I mean, are you in the school of liberal arts? Are you in the school of, know, is where it all gets confusing. There's all different of the school.

Rick Denton (02:59)
stuff.

Clancy Denton (03:00)
So yeah, there's a different ceremony for that. So yes, it is very different now than when I graduated.

Rick Denton (03:06)
is why

we need practical tips and emotions.

Clancy Denton (03:10)
Exactly. So our first practical tip is read the past posts on the parent pages. This is where the parent pages on Facebook come into play for helpful information. Well, there are some times that it is not helpful. And I'm sure those of you who are going into the season have already been doing this, but yes, this will give you great information about

Rick Denton (03:27)
Why are you saying it like

Clancy Denton (03:40)
ticket allotment because yes, sometimes you only get this amount of tickets. How early to arrive, the length of the ceremony that comes into play when you're trying to make dinner reservations. So yes, there are a lot of questions that you can go back and if you put in the search bar, if you're in the group and you put in the search bar graduation.

You can look at everything from past years. We have also done that when we are looking at dates of, you know, trying to figure out what day things might happen on or what time things might happen on.

Rick Denton (04:20)
The Facebook group is so helpful because for you in that moment, it's your big moment. It's graduation. But this is an engine. This is a system. The school knows exactly what they're doing and it is rinse and repeat, even though it's this shocking one-time or one-time-ish event to a family. And getting the access to the rinse and repeat wisdom of the past

helps you realize that this really is just a machine. And if you tap into the machine, you can really figure out how to optimize it. Now there's a little story that I don't want to tell here. I'm going to reveal something, but that ticket allotment was an important one for my graduation growing up. We got fewer tickets than we had as a family. So I went over to Kinko's and just printed.

Clancy Denton (05:11)
You can't do that anymore. This is all QR code. That won't work anymore.

Rick Denton (05:15)
They

had a system. Well, you got a certain color of ticket. So I went over to

Clancy Denton (05:21)
That won't work anymore. Don't try...

Rick Denton (05:23)
Yeah,

don't try that one. It definitely will not work, but I was able to get my full family in. there's and that's a great place for the the Facebook there can be ticket trading and that kind of

Clancy Denton (05:32)
And people, I've seen people already looking for extra tickets. So yes, the parent pages are very helpful during this time of year.

Rick Denton (05:41)
Next tip, dress appropriately. And by appropriately, I mean both hot and cold, at least for us it was. Almost every indoor setting that you and I have ever been in, regardless of where we are in the U.S., is freezing fricking cold. Well, we were also doing this in the desert of Arizona in May. So it was really hot.

Clancy Denton (06:09)
In the outdoor, because we had an outdoor ceremony as well, yes.

Rick Denton (06:13)
And,

but not just that, getting too inside. layers are your friend, dress appropriately. It is amazing how you can have a 50 degree temperature shift between the outdoor and the inside.

Clancy Denton (06:27)
And I will say this is another question I have seen pop up. What do people wear? And you will see everything. It's just like anything, any event you ever go to. There will be people in jeans and t-shirts. There will be people in formal dresses.

Dress what you feel like you would dress in. But yes, the most important thing is dress weather appropriately. yes, there are people still in the, you know, graduating up in Wyoming. Well, it's going to probably be a lot colder in Wyoming than it is if you're graduating in Florida.

Rick Denton (07:12)
would think it well and Duke by my graduation it rained during the ceremony so be aware of those sorts of things as well.

Clancy Denton (07:22)
So next, okay, this is for the dining options. Everyone, you know, again, you're not hosting things in your hometown unless your child happened to go to college close to home or if you've decided that if your child is graduating close enough to home to come back home and celebrate. You know, our children have gone to schools.

States away, so we have always had to have dinners away. Make your reservations if you haven't made them already. Make them now if there's still places. And if places are already booked, there's options in the suburbs of some of those cities or there may be towns that are also

close to the town that your child is graduating in, look in some of those places. Or if you can't get into the most known places that everyone recommends, look for some different spots. even if you can't do the big celebration that you want to there, then save it for when you do get back into your hometown.

Rick Denton (08:42)
That idea of expanding your sort of geographic rings beyond, this is where the tip is actually almost in opposition to one where we talked about the parent group, because what you will see often on your parent group is this is the place. This is the signature one. Everybody wants to go there. Well, it can start to become its own little ⁓ contained bubble when if you just start to expand your horizons a bit.

It seems kind of like I was saying, it's sort of a machine that's the rinse and repeat. Same kind of thing is you feel like the entire town is all about the university when if you expand a little bit, you realize it's not. And there are some, definitely some hidden gems that can exist beyond that bubble ring.

Clancy Denton (09:27)
Yeah. And it's hard, know, when you're in a town, Tanner graduated in, you know, Tempe. So you had all of those, know, Teagan will be graduating in Tucson. There's not as many places. So.

Rick Denton (09:45)
And there are university towns where some of what we're saying is just simply, hey, look, it's just, you got to pour a restaurant.

Clancy Denton (09:51)
Exactly. you know, but going there as many times as we have, we know that there are some places further out from the university bubble that we know, okay, if we can't get into some of these places we want to go, there are other options. And maybe, you know what, maybe you can't do the dinner. Maybe you do a lunch or you do a brunch. Just, you know, something to...

Rick Denton (10:18)
Right. Golf and stuff in Tucson. You can celebrate. That is a putt-putt course in Tucson. Literally the name is golf and stuff. Mix it up. I think that's the idea of is get creative beyond what the checkbox official celebration is. Next tip is really pay attention ahead of time to accessibility and mobility needs. Especially when you're talking about parking, when you're talking about access to stadiums and all of that, knowing it ahead of time.

because often families will... and the elder members of your family will want to come celebrate graduations. Knowing this ahead of time is a key thing to... and there's nothing we can say, here's what you should do. What we're telling you is research this ahead of time. There will be a ton of information on parent and then just visitor information pages as well.

Clancy Denton (11:12)
Again, the parent pages do come in to play with us. I've seen that. Knowing the amount of stairs in the stadium, that is huge as well, because there are a lot of stairs you might want to know, okay, are we going to have to park this one down here? And maybe you can't all sit together. There's just going to be a lot of things that you have to consider, especially if you are bringing.

grandparents and those kind of things, which also if the grandparents can't make it, figure out is there going to be a stream access that someone can help them figure out or if they are tech savvy, they can figure it out, you know.

Rick Denton (11:56)
I love what you say. That someone can help them figure out. Now.

Clancy Denton (12:00)
Not everyone can do that at that age. But, you know, we were in this situation during Tanner's graduation week that Rick's mom was not doing well. And so, you know, that extended family was not able to come. So we did have, there was access for them to be able to still enjoy Tanner's graduation.

Rick Denton (12:26)
Yeah, it's tending on the university. It's not gonna be as intuitive as just pop on the YouTube channel It's so getting that information ahead of time again So much of the the tips here are do this ahead of time do this before the stress. Yeah, that the the the day though the days the week of graduation You can just enjoy the most

Clancy Denton (12:43)
Yes, because you as the parent are not going to want to be sitting there, you know, getting two minutes before the ceremony. can't figure this out. I don't know what I'm doing here. And with everyone else in the stadium, in the facility where the ceremony is going on, service may not be so great to be able to trying to get texts in and out.

Rick Denton (13:07)
or switching it to do not disturb so those texts don't come in. But that's, I didn't say that, that's not a real tip. The next tip, there's really no explanation needed for this one. Brain Kleenexes.

Clancy Denton (13:19)
But sometimes people forget this one.

Rick Denton (13:22)
It is.

You're gonna cry. And if you're not gonna cry, the person with you is gonna cry. Bring Kleenexes.

Clancy Denton (13:29)
Someone will need a tissue in your group.

Rick Denton (13:31)
for sure. And don't forget that because you will. So pack it now.

Clancy Denton (13:36)
It is, you know, it's emotional. You've got, and you remember it from high school graduation. You've gotten them that far. And then this is just another step. You know, we will go through it with graduate school as well. You've gotten them to another level and it's, you know, a celebration. So along with that, also another thing that gets forgotten a lot, portable chargers. Bring them. Yes.

because your battery again is going to get drained. Some of these things, you're going to be out for hours because you start with, I remember the day of the honors college graduation, we got together with the roommates that had been together for four years. We had mimosas and...

celebration breakfast, then we did pictures, then we all carried a van to the ceremony. We went to the ceremony, then we did photos. And so yes, your phones are going to start dying or someone in your groups, even your child's phone is going to start getting drained. having those portable chargers ready are a godsend.

Rick Denton (14:54)
Another research point ahead of time, especially if you're going, if your kid is at a larger university, is research, the parking slash transportation situation ahead of time. There are some surprising hacks that can be found if you know things ahead of time, hacks of how, where to go in ahead of time, or hacks of how to get out, which garage might be easier to get in and out of, all of that. ⁓ This is such the dork in me.

satellite images are a godsend here. You can actually look at the stadium, you can see where the parking garage is, you can see some back walkways or anything like that. Getting ahead of that parking situation, again, through the Facebook group, but a lot of times even just the stadium information that's available for any event that is taking place there can give you insight. It can be really surprising that the garage or the parking...

surface parking lot that is not the closest can end up actually being the more convenient when you take into account in getting in getting out and so the satellite image really helps there.

Clancy Denton (16:00)
Yeah, and if you have the chance to have been there before, it's nice to see it with your own eyes before you, you know, just come onto the scene for that weekend.

Rick Denton (16:17)
And

this is in that same vein of you want to be enjoying the moment, not stressing. There are going to be crowds. There are going to be people that are going directions that you want to go. There's just going to be all of this chaos and disruption. The more you have pre-planned, even in this parking situation, the more you can focus on the moment and not the stress.

Clancy Denton (16:37)
And I will say one thing, we didn't put this in our tips, but if you're at a university that has hotels that are on campus or near campus, and you can stay at one of those and that's where the ceremonies are, that was awesome because we could just walk out of our hotel and walk to the ceremonies. That was so nice.

Rick Denton (17:06)
Well, Clancy, I believe that ⁓ takes us right into the that this is not for parents of graduates this year. This is for parents of graduates in the future. Set a calendar reminder one year ahead of time and then start looking at hotels and any other reservation type items at that moment. If you can

Clancy Denton (17:09)
The bonus?

Rick Denton (17:35)
get access to that campus hotel, well, it probably required that you booked it the day they opened that reservation for that graduation weekend. That gets it trying to predict what graduation weekend is, all of those sorts of things. In that vein, you can book those, they're friendable, don't do the pre-booked where you can't cancel it because the flexibility is going to be important. And if you're not quite sure, is it going to be these days or those days?

then book a series of consecutive two-day reservations that are back to back to back, and then you'll be able to drop one or some of those if you don't need all those reservations.

Clancy Denton (18:12)
And again, this goes back to what you were saying that universities tend to do things like a well-oiled machine and they do things the same. So if you go back to academic calendars years before, you can usually predict and see the pattern of graduations and you can pretty much figure out

what the weekend is going to be. so it is. they do put out the weekend pretty, I mean, they're already out for next year. It's just, you may not know exactly what day your child's graduation will fall on, but you can at least see the weekend. It's already out. But yes, those past calendars will be your friend.

Okay, so we've done the practical side, so now let's move into the emotional side.

Rick Denton (19:10)
body's left brain fully satisfied and full, well now we are about to just get after that right brain.

Clancy Denton (19:16)
So, and this one is, this one is, I think, a hard one for, for parents. And you have to kind of put yourself back into, if, if you went to college, you have to put yourself back into those shoes of being the senior that graduated. You have to remember that they are saying goodbye to all.

of their friends. They're leaving their entire community that they have been a part of for four years. And especially the ones who went far away, you know, to school. I get some that went closer to home. Some of those friends are probably coming to the same city that they may be going to.

But the ones that go states away, they're probably all scattering different places. So you have to remember and give them space that they are saying goodbye to a life that they have had for the past four years.

Rick Denton (20:25)
It's really tempting as a parent to say, especially when we're talking about the travel situation, I've traveled all this way here. ⁓ Maybe you paid all these monies to make sure that they got to this graduation moment. You are going to give me all of your time. The temptation is there for that. It's important to remember this moment, hang on, they're saying goodbye to people that have been for, in many cases, four years, just deep friends, given the space to do that.

even though it's tempting to want 24-7.

Clancy Denton (20:58)
And it is nice. You know, we had the added benefit that our kid, our child wanted to include us in a lot of that. And the roommates, we were included in a lot of things. So it was nice for us, but there were times that they wanted to be on their own and do their own thing. so, we, and.

I will say as the parents, there are times you're like, thank goodness, can we just go back to our hotel room and chill for a little bit?

Rick Denton (21:31)
We recently just watched the Masters and one of the things that I hadn't been as fully aware of was the fact that the Masters does not allow cell phones and I know there's a lot of people going come on Moron how did you not know that well I didn't and and it really became front and center for me this year when I was watching it and What's really neat if you look at any of the Masters videos if you watch this year any of the ones past when a meaningful moment is happening people are watching it with their

eyes. If you look at any other sort of moment, you see that people are watching it with their phones. They are looking at a screen that is recording the moment and so they are missing, in essence, the live moment going into their eyes. And that's an emotional tip that I would want to share with folks is be present in the moment. We get it. You want to take the pictures, you want to take the video. We wanted to take the pictures, we want to take the video. At the very least,

Start the recording and just hold it at chest high. So at least you aren't looking at it through the screen. Be present in that moment. Let your eyes and your brain record it, not your video.

Clancy Denton (22:39)
Yes. yes, being in the moment is very important and you also need to be flexible, which this can be hard for people who like to run on a schedule and have expectations. But you need to realize that

Rick Denton (23:00)
Everything you said in first half is all about

Clancy Denton (23:09)
your student may not be up at 9 a.m. to go to the family breakfast that you had planned and reservations booked. This goes back to they are celebrating and wanting to spend time with their friends. They may have been out a little later than you had the night before. There needs to be some going with the flow. There can also be scheduled events, but let them be aware of those scheduled events.

Rick Denton (23:39)
Kind of the non-negotiables, like this is it.

Clancy Denton (23:41)
Yeah,

but don't over schedule those events. There are going to be things that you will want to have them attend, but let them be involved in deciding those events and what they're going to be. Again, we were out there for an entire week. Some people's

celebrations are only going to be a day or a day and a half or a week. Afternoon. Yes, right. Some may be up and back. Ours just happened to be a longer and really ours were really more the kids had planned the events and we were just funding these events that they had planned. We had one dinner that we took Tanner out, just the three of us.

And we had a family dinner for people that came out.

to his graduation that also included a few friends. But other than that, it was the events that the kids had planned that parents were invited to as well.

Rick Denton (24:54)
The be flexible part of it and it's extending that into recognizing things are gonna go wrong and it's okay. And the things that you think are going wrong really aren't that. They might feel big in the moment, but they're not what the moment is about. Can't find their stole, ⁓ they'll find it in the end or they'll still probably get to walk across the stage without the stole. Is the gown wrinkled? Guess what? Everybody's gown is wrinkled.

didn't get a good picture, well, you know what? I gotta tell you, the professional ones probably are better, have a great angle on it, and will be a better digital memory than what you might have created from 500 yards away in the upper gas.

Clancy Denton (25:37)
The professional pictures were really actually very, very good.

Rick Denton (25:41)
And

in general, that's going to be the case. The reality is those aren't the things that matter. It's the graduation that matters. So if everything else kind of hiccups or goes awry or the little things, it's it's sort of a cliche, but yeah, don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on the big one. And that is your kid is graduating and all that went into it and all that that means is what the moment is about.

Clancy Denton (26:06)
Yeah, this really is just, you know, the moment to be proud of seeing your student walk across the stage is just the culmination of their hard work and in your support of, you know, really the last 20 some odd years of their life. So just

Be proud of them, be proud of yourself as a parent and just enjoy this moment.

Rick Denton (26:45)
These aren't going to be the only tips that exist out there. These are the ones that we know. These are the ones that we've experienced and stand by. If you have other tips, put that out on the Facebook group or send us a message. We'll share those in some future forum as well.

Clancy Denton (26:59)
You know, we talked about our graduation week with Tanner and it is a chapter in our book that is available on Amazon. The Loud Quiet, Love, Laughter and Life in the Empty Nest. And you know what? We get to do this all again in December with Tegan. And we hope you all enjoyed this episode of The Loud Quiet.

Rick Denton (27:19)
They have new tips since it's a December.