A New Chin And Handling Holidays With Kin - E66

Clancy Denton  0:00  
This is day six. And I mean, for day six of post major surgery, I am feeling great. This is the loud quiet living the empty nest. Welcome

Rick Denton  0:11  
back to the loud quiet episode 66 which we just reconfirmed with ourselves here. Merry Christmas to everyone. We're actually in a little bit of a holiday spirit today, as one of my favorite decorations has made its way to the table today, it does play music, but we don't have a copyright for it, so I am not going to hit that button, but just imagine it playing in the background, and you'll enjoy that today. We do want to talk a little bit about what happened last week. I think you can, for those that are looking, you can see that Clancy is back, and so we are. She has a neck. I can't laugh. So we are going to talk a little bit about the plastic surgery. I there's though, beyond plastic surgery, we're we would have a little fun with the world of Dear Abby. So hang tight. You're gonna want to get get through plastic surgery and have some fun with us, with Dear Abby. So it's a it's gonna be a good episode today. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  1:10  
So, yeah. So this is episode 66 if you caught my mistake on Facebook before I fixed it. That was my post, anesthesia post. So I was off by we're just

Rick Denton  1:24  
lucky that that's the only thing that you put there. We there should be a rule against social media acts. Oh, yeah.

Clancy Denton  1:32  
Well, that's, I don't remember who it was, but someone said, I think it was after Tanner's wisdom tape. Don't let them have their phones, because you never know what they're gonna put so yes, anyway. So yes, I am, this is day six. And I mean, for day six of post major surgery, I mean, I am feeling great. I would thought about wearing my scarf, but I don't really need it. You can't really see much anything. I mean, there's bruises, there's bruises, there's bruising, but I can't hide that with a scar. I just meant the sutures and the staples are all hidden in my greasy part of this hair that's brought to you by Aqua for

Rick Denton  2:18  
so you're saying that a new hair moisture technique before is not recommended. I

Clancy Denton  2:24  
mean, I will say this, at least with this surgery. He's like, Oh my gosh, shower every day. Make sure you're getting all your incisions clean and your hair clean and everything which, oh, Praise Jesus, because that is my one. I am not one of those people that can go for the days. And I know my hair stylist would kill me, but I can't, I just can't do it. So anyways, but yeah, so, yeah, feeling good. You know,

Rick Denton  2:49  
it's interesting. The last week you called it a procedure, and I called you out on it this year, this week you said, Yeah, had major surgery. Well, okay,

Clancy Denton  2:55  
let's just get into and none of the pictures are graphic, so there's not anything. There is a drain in one of them, but so if you're, you know, don't like that kind of stuff, but you'd have to really zoom in to see so yes. So here was my markups. And I have to turn still, because I'm still a little stuff. So this was the road map that Dr Ranna did. Dr Rana, sorry excuse me. Did on my neck before I went in to surgery. I mean, he literally, he was on drawing on me and erasing and going back and drawing for a good 10 minutes. I mean, well, I wouldn't there. You weren't there. But, I mean, he is a perfectionist. And the anesthesiologist, who I had like, a 15 minute conversation with beforehand, we just were shooting the crap, he came in and he said, We will stay in there until he is satisfied with your outcome.

Rick Denton  3:57  
And he said, as much when I saw him after, when he came out and you were in recovery. He said, Yeah, Dr on is a perfectionist, and seeing your as you call it a road map, yeah, it looks like, you know, Spider Man did a spider web all over

Clancy Denton  4:08  
there. So, yeah, so, you know, it was about a four and a half hour surgery. We got home. It was amazing. At, I remember I looked at the clock. It was 730 that's when the anesthesia wore off. Because I remember you came in and you're like, oh my gosh, you're talking like a human now it was and it was still Grog and tired, but it just the fog had lifted a little bit. So this is obviously how I came home with my Q tip head. And yes, that's the drain picture. So you are wrapped so tight, but it wasn't there was it's not pain, it's just and, you know, they keep you so compressed because they want everything to

Rick Denton  4:54  
How would I describe this? It almost ah. You look like Kenny from South Park. That's it. You with the hoodie pulled forward, and here you can see your face, but yeah, you barely see Kenny's face in South Park. That's what. It just hit me. Okay, so there you go. It's a Q tip or Kenny from South Park.

Clancy Denton  5:16  
So you So how was the first night for you? Well, I want

Rick Denton  5:20  
to go back a little bit. One is, I will say that you hear all those legendary stories of anesthesia and that I didn't get any of those. You didn't tell any stories on the way home. You didn't you just were really quiet. I do, you know what I do when I talk about is during the surgery, and it surprised me this surgery more so than your first one. There were times that I was kind of worried and it just and not like anything fact based. So I have all these irrational fears of driving back and seeing a fire truck or ambulance or something there at the surgery center, those kind of things. I was surprised by how much I just as the guy sitting in the waiting room. Was anxious for you. It was an incredible relief to get that text. Ah, things are going great. I was surprised by the realization. I think it may be by being older, by being exposed to other people and their surgeries and things that could go wrong. I will leave it with this. I am so thankful for the care that Dr Rana, the anesthesiologist doctors. His name was Rick. Dr Rick, and the care that you received from the nursing team as well to not only give you the results you wanted, but to keep you healthy and alive through this. And so that's the part that I'll celebrate. It really is something special. So,

Clancy Denton  6:37  
yeah, so you know, the next morning, you get up and you go back in and you get your bandages all taken off. And I mean it, when the bandages come off, oh, here, here's a picture. I put a picture of Dr Rana in

Rick Denton  6:51  
here, and with their permission,

Clancy Denton  6:54  
highly, highly recommend, I mean, his bedside manner alone and just the thoroughness and his entire staff, including the anesthesiologist, who is just, you know, someone that comes in just to do with him, everyone was just, has been amazing. Is amazing. I mean, I got text that night from the anesthesiologist. You got a text from the PA, yeah, just everything has been top notch. So there's just

Rick Denton  7:25  
a picture to be very transparent. We are not sponsored. This is not a sponsored episode, just our own personal experience. Yeah,

Clancy Denton  7:31  
no. So, so, yeah. So bandages came off, and immediately, I mean, you can just feel the fluid and the swelling, and I he was like, Now, look, you're gonna look like a football probably day three to four. He said, All I tell people is focus on your jawline. He said, Just keep looking at your jawline, because that's gonna be there, and that's how it's all gonna settle up. So this is what,

Rick Denton  8:00  
if you are audio only, what are we looking at? The CUPE, yeah.

Clancy Denton  8:03  
So that doll that you squeeze, the doll that you squeeze where you know that eyes and the ears pop out, and again, it wasn't pain. It was just, and it's still like, it's still pretty, like, I'm touching my earlobes. I can't really, I can feel, I know they're there, but I can't feel them because the fluid is just still getting out and it's swollen, because you've had major surgery in that area. But yes, I mean, at one point, I mean, I felt like I was like, Oh my God, my ears are gonna pop off. But they did not, so I

Rick Denton  8:38  
was glad when they popped those bandages off that, I don't know if you recall, yeah,

Clancy Denton  8:42  
you were like, Oh yeah, that's great, yeah. And it's

Rick Denton  8:46  
good that I could see that before the swelling kicked in, because then you do end up looking like football. And, yeah, it was one of those. All

Clancy Denton  8:52  
right, I didn't create any of those pictures, but yes, it, yeah, it was amazing. Yeah. I mean, I was already like, oh my gosh, it looks like said, I have a neck and a chin and a jawline. So

Rick Denton  9:06  
you even got others saying, Hey, wait, let me know about that. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  9:10  
Well, yeah, my dad was like, huh, maybe I should go the drain was really the most annoying thing, because you have to keep it pinned to a sports bra while you're showering, and it, it literally was like stuck in the back of your head here. And so I was so thankful on Thursday when I texted him and said, because they wanted they said, Just come, when you come Monday for your suture or sutures out, we'll take the drain out, but if it's not draining, then you can come in. And I remember this with my other surgery too. I drove myself back to the other one. It was like, get these drains out of me, because I had two here and two up here. This one was just one, but where it was, it was just such a kind of nuisance. So, I mean, it was the best relief when she pulled that drain out, because this is what this is, the Star Wars dude that has that neck thing. I don't even know his name, but Star Wars people will know, but he has that big thing that kind of wraps around his neck. And that's what I even though my drain was tiny, the the line was tiny, but it just felt like there was something there. And even when it came out, I still had this. You could see the ridge of where it was. So I was so thankful to get that out. And it was so funny, because we were talking to Teagan that night, and and this, I just had this memory pop up when I had my first surgery. She was three. And again, it was another, it was tummy tuck and mommy makeover. And so I had drains. And I mean, every day she would come in, I need to see the blood. Can I see the blood? And so I'm char the drain. This one the child, when I was telling her about on the phone, on the phone, then pulling out the drain, she almost threw up. She was gagging on the phone. Okay, this one's not heading into any medical field anywhere. But anyways, so yeah, so that was a relief to have that off. And then so here you can see, you know, if you're on line, if not. I mean, I even sent this picture to my brother in Germany. He was like, Oh my gosh, you have a jaw. It's like, Yeah, I know. I mean, it's just, it's crazy. What they can do that's,

Rick Denton  11:38  
there's no way we could. I mean, we're not going to spend that much time talking about it, but my gosh, it is stunning to see the result change. And knowing that right there, what you're looking at there, even your lips are kind of pulled together because the swelling is there. You're not as flexible, knowing that that's what that looks like. He even said that the gap between day six and day eight is when you're really going to suddenly go, Oh my gosh.

Clancy Denton  11:57  
And this looks good. It's even, you know, six months is supposed to be the peak that it's everything is, oh, I didn't remember that. Yeah,

Rick Denton  12:09  
that's the peak. It's downhill from there. No,

Clancy Denton  12:11  
I mean, that's supposed to be, you know,

Rick Denton  12:13  
you're, you're fully recovered, you're all that. Yeah, so, and you, I will say that the because there are folks listening here that might be thinking from the caregiver side, you recovered and bounced back pretty quickly. You just need to be available, right? You know, you weren't as mobile, and certainly would wear out those the first day one and two, but by day three, I even had to kind of tell you, Hey, stop it. I can do that.

Clancy Denton  12:36  
Yeah, no, you were super helpful. Oh, I wasn't trying to do Pat back, no, but you were, you were super helpful. I yes the first day, and, and, you know, just keeping me on track with the meds, which the meds regimen is not

Rick Denton  12:50  
mostly antibiotic and anti swelling with, I

Clancy Denton  12:53  
mean, I took one high dose pain pill just the first night, and then nothing, Tylenol, and I'm even off the Tylenol now. So excuse me, I haven't talked this much in several days. You just being available for me was the the most helpful thing, yeah, because I didn't have much of an appetite. Nothing sounded good. You know, I was more concerned about you getting the food and stuff that you wanted and needed, which

Rick Denton  13:29  
I kept telling I now, but that's just and what did I do? I made a whole week of bad choices. You not in control. Holy crap. Well, actually, that's probably, I mean, I haven't had a box of canes in years

Clancy Denton  13:45  
that. Well, that's not true. That's an over exaggeration. I think you've had it. And I certainly

Rick Denton  13:51  
haven't bought a chicken biscuit in a while. I went all in on just eating badly. Yeah,

Clancy Denton  13:58  
but the worst. The worst part of it for me is just the sitting around, because if you're listening and you know me, I can't do I'm not good at it. But I really did force myself this time, because the last time I was taking care of a of a three year old and a six year old, yeah, this time I had no responsibilities. So I really did try to force myself to take those few days of just sitting, but that's

Rick Denton  14:30  
what I told when they asked me, I said, the most difficult part of her recovery has been the mental COVID,

Clancy Denton  14:35  
and that's what you know. So finally, like Thursday morning, I just walked around the house.

Rick Denton  14:42  
So well, what was the big like? You got to do an expansion

Clancy Denton  14:45  
yesterday we went to the grocery store, so I put my I don't want to freak anybody out, although I don't think anybody would really. I mean, there is bruising, but, and it's not like I had anything done to my eyes. I don't need the big sunglasses like. You know, but yes, so we, we did our grocery trip, and again, thank goodness you were, you're with me.

Rick Denton  15:06  
You got back. You like, man, that felt so good. I'm like, Yeah, I know. I realized, you know, we talked about you. It's Christmas. You look like Mary. You're wrapped up like any sort of bad movie about Mary or

Clancy Denton  15:21  
I look like again, another Star Wars character. But you know what it really was, it really helped me that you were willing, because I know that's not your favorite thing to do, but that you were willing to do that with me, because it got so much off of my mind, because, yeah, Christmas is in 10 days. And so I got the bulk of our things that I could buy beforehand done. It whittled my list down to very small things left to do. So I was very appreciative of that. I had fun.

Rick Denton  15:58  
I got to sneak things in the basket. What did you say when we got home? Was I shopping with a kid? Yeah, hey, I got a road trip coming up. I need some snacks.

Clancy Denton  16:09  
So, yeah, so it did feel nice to get out. And then, you know, I had suggested to you Tanner finished his last vinyl. He's very happy. So I said, Hey, why don't you see if he wants to meet you somewhere for dinner. So y'all, yeah,

Rick Denton  16:21  
that was a lot of fun to do that. I was glad to get that chance to hang out with him house. Yeah, so, and let's be honest, there's probably a little bit of you wanted me out of the house too. There were a couple times that we were starting to get on each other's nerves, a couple edge moments, and so that's something that's important in the caregiving, is leave him alone. I

Clancy Denton  16:41  
will say this for all the women listening, maybe don't time it when it's about to be that time of the month,

Rick Denton  16:50  
because I didn't know that I

Clancy Denton  16:52  
could fill myself on Friday. I was like, I know I'm being a little sharp with them, and I know why.

Rick Denton  17:00  
Well, I'm glad to know that now. I kept saying,

Clancy Denton  17:03  
Hey, she's I kept it. It only flared up. I hear you a couple times. Anyway, that's awesome. So, yeah, but, um, so yeah. So there's the journey. And like you talked about, you know, we're getting into Rick and I love we still take the paper.

Rick Denton  17:21  
I called the dead tree. Paper is still thrown on our front lawn. I imagine that there's probably four people that still get that anymore. But I love holding that paper. I love reading it. I love for me a lot, it's the comics, but there's other things that we know.

Clancy Denton  17:35  
What's in the section with the comics. We,

Rick Denton  17:39  
we will, well, well, I say we, I did. You kind of just recently come on board of this, because what I've been i It's not a traditionally male, sort of like stereotypically male thing, but I have always loved reading Dear Abby, or there was Miss Manners, but then there was also, I think, dear

Clancy Denton  17:58  
Ann Landers, but she's not in the surname, it's Carolyn. Carolyn max is the other one, right?

Rick Denton  18:02  
No, I know that, but I've been reading these as long as I've been taking the paper, and I love these things, and they make me laugh. Some of them, you know, are fake letters. Others, you go, Wait, why would somebody even ask that as a question? Because, for the love of God, no, don't do that. Or Yes, do that.

Clancy Denton  18:20  
So you asked me if I used to read them religiously. I did. Then I got into the habit of I would turn on the TV when I would eat lunch. Well, I kind of went back to stop doing that. I was like, I need to get back into reading the paper so I don't sound like an absolute idiot walking around these streets. But anyways, so I and you started mentioning

Rick Denton  18:46  
the Dallas news slogan, take our papers so you don't sound like an idiot walking

Clancy Denton  18:52  
around the streets. So anyway, so I started getting back into reading them again, and at one point I said, Oh, you know what? It'd be fun if we did a podcast on some of the Yeah, some of the ones that we pulled well, because we

Rick Denton  19:08  
talked about it, we're like, yeah, did you see this? Yeah? Well, let's share it with everybody else.

Clancy Denton  19:13  
And so we were, I said, Oh, well, let's do a holiday focused one, because we figured for sure there'd be holiday ones, and there were a few. There weren't a ton, but no kidding, two weeks before my face left, this one came out, face lift booked, but feeling so vain, and so she's talking about. She said, You know, I I'm I want to do this, but I'm struggling with feelings of shame and embarrassment. And you know what? I like her. And she said, You know, I judge myself more harshly, and I'm feeling a lot of embarrassment. Should I just accept how my face and body are changing with the years? And she said, any procedure is a risk, but you are absolutely not required to shame yourself. If you can do this and want to do it, do it and be happy. About it. So I was like, yes, exactly. That has been my well,

Rick Denton  20:04  
and it's what you said last week, and it was not influenced by that article. You said that phrase that you'd heard on another podcast of if do it and do it sooner than when

Clancy Denton  20:14  
you start noticing that's the time that you should do it instead of waiting until, which

Rick Denton  20:19  
I've taken that lesson into a lot of other things. I think that's something. This is a bit of an aside, and we'll go out and we'll come right back in. But I learned that lesson with my gosh, why did I wait three years to replace a catalytic converter in my truck and fight through that when I could have just gotten it done? There's a water thing that I had to fix in the pool that's been bugging me for six months, and it took all of 10 minutes to get fixed once I know so anything that you see that you could get fixed, whether it's plastic surgery or some sort of repair, do it sooner than later. Yeah, if

Clancy Denton  20:50  
you want to, it's a choice. Well, yeah, it's a choice. But I and that's the same, you know? And I think I remember, it may have been my mom, I don't remember who said, but when you're out shopping, if you see it, get it, because it's going to be gone by the time you get back. She called

Rick Denton  21:05  
it the Russian black market approach, because it was a lot of the trips that she would take. It's okay. I saw it at this store. Maybe I'll come loop her back around. You'll never loop back around. So same kind of thing. So, yeah,

Clancy Denton  21:16  
so, but before we get into our articles that we have, I've got the and I have to pull my phone up a little bit so I can so this was actually, you know, common themes in Dear Abby, holiday letters, toxic. Family members, relationship issues, hosting stress, family traditions gone wrong. I like that. Disagreements about outdated or unwanted holiday traditions. We talked a little bit about one of those in our world, exclusion or feeling left out. That's people may feel, you know. And we actually had this discussion with someone that's in our life group. They said, You know, well, if we this person comes and this person can't come and say, you know, luckily, we we don't have any of that dynamic in our family.

Rick Denton  22:03  
So you look at some of those and you realize how difficult this period can be for many. And yeah, I wonder who? Who's the person that says I'm going to write to these columns? And thank goodness they do, because it provides a mixture of entertainment and wisdom for us. But it is like that. The hosting stress is one that is universal. Well, all of these are somewhat universal because related to those traditions, there can be that. Well, it's always at Franny's house, so Frannie is always going to be the host. Well, maybe sometime Frannie is like, I'm done with this crap. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  22:35  
Well, and that is one thing that my mom and I, because she does Christmas Eve, I do Christmas Day. We have got it down to a science. I mean, we don't veer from the menu, because everyone loves the menu. The only thing I change up occasionally is the Christmas breakfast, but it is down to now. I can make my list before I even know and and I love having Christmas Day at our house, because then we can just chill. And our Christmas Day is, our meal is, is hot, fancy, high end our lifestyle. You know, our attire is casual, so that

Rick Denton  23:19  
you know what that gets into is something that'll be interesting. Family traditions that says gone wrong, but outdated. You just said, I've got it down to a science. It's exactly perfect. And you and I are very aligned. I love it. Is there going to come a time? Well, actually, there has come a time. Teagan specifically said, Look, I don't really like the tenderloin that much. And so you've adapted to share, yes, and so those sorts of things are happy. I think what a lot of these like, a lot of the themes come down to, that is uncomfortable to express an opinion about a holiday, whether that is family relationship issues or traditions, because the holidays have such pressure with them that by voicing any sort of opinion that changes anything or introduces a difficulty or something like that, it's hard to do. And that's, that's what I'd say, is, let's use Teagan as example. You don't like it. And Isn't

Clancy Denton  24:13  
that sad that you know these big holiday and really, Christmas is the biggest. I would say Thanksgiving, next Easter is in there. But, you know, we've put such a everything has to be perfect. And I do it too. But you know, where I find I do it is the gifts. Yes, I You have always

Rick Denton  24:35  
been that way, even to where I've called like, like, yeah, not fought over. I don't think that's the right word. But where I've, had a different I'm a different place on that spectrum.

Clancy Denton  24:44  
And so, you know, but really, it's just, what did I just say? I just love having it at our house. Everyone can chill, you know, we we watch the traditional movie, Die Hard. We have it on. So, you know, another

Rick Denton  24:57  
Teagan introduced tradition. Yeah, it's sad.

Clancy Denton  24:59  
That it's become, or some of us have put it on such a pedestal that it has to be one way when you know what it is, what it and this year, you know, I'm post surgery, so I'm like, if that doesn't get done, it doesn't get done.

Rick Denton  25:18  
It's the Christmas vacation model, right? You know, what did he want? He wanted the perfect one. And all the work.

Clancy Denton  25:23  
Let's not, let's not wish any Don't, don't put that

Rick Denton  25:27  
into the idea of that perfect. And it's a movie, it's a culture sort of thing. And it is that's a movie and culture and just tradition inspired sort of thing, allowing for the the flexibility, yeah.

Clancy Denton  25:41  
Well, these were just some examples of Dear Abby scenarios. A person struggling with a sibling always brings up past arguments during family dinners. We don't bring up

Rick Denton  25:53  
past arguments. We just always bring the same story about your mom in Thailand,

Clancy Denton  25:57  
yeah, a couple trying to decide how to navigate different holiday traditions with their partners, family. We,

Rick Denton  26:05  
we now re navigate that as the next generation does.

Clancy Denton  26:08  
We went through that and that was that was a tough conversation to have someone feeling pressured to attend a family gathering despite ongoing conflict with a relative. Luckily, we don't have that knock on some wood. Well,

Rick Denton  26:22  
actually, I guess we should say we don't know about that, but maybe somebody has a contract or forced to come. And maybe so if you do, let us know a person

Clancy Denton  26:30  
who is the primary host and is feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility. And I have been there, and I know my mom has been there. I mean, she hosts a bazillion things on top of our Christmas Eve. And I know she wants everything to be perfect too. I texted her yesterday about something, and she said to getting the house ready for the party tomorrow night. So, yeah, she's just, you know, but that's her thing. So, um, so yeah, so let's, let's

Rick Denton  26:58  
have fun ones here as well. So you're gonna go, Where am I now? You're you can go, Okay, so one of the things about holidays is gifts and gift giving, and that can always be a challenge. Well, apparently it's not a challenge for this sister, because it's a hoarder. And so the hoarder turns her stash into gifts. And so the sister, Mary, Ann, I love all the Dear Abby has to come with that she refuses to clean out her home, but the way that she's starting to clean out her home is giving her treasures away,

Clancy Denton  27:30  
treasures in quotes, and I

Rick Denton  27:33  
sense that unloading these items on us gives Mary Ann a feeling of comfort. How do we express to Mary Ann that we have no desire to receive her horde bit by bit without reversing the progress in her disorder. Basically,

Clancy Denton  27:46  
Mary Ann's a genius.

Rick Denton  27:52  
Let's look here. I don't think that's what daddy said, but she did say, you're not going to fix Mary Ann, and she's glad that she's taking baby steps. It wouldn't be helpful to express a desire to that you don't receive the reward. Just accept them, quietly donate them or give them to someone who might use them she missed something, or throw them in. So what do you I mean, like, be, do you have a reaction to that one? Because, like, how would you handle a family member that was doing that.

Clancy Denton  28:23  
Well, I think you have to know the situation like, okay, Christmas vacation and Bethany wrapped up for cat. There are times, there are times when people get older that they don't necessarily know what they're doing, so you just have to be gracious about it, and then, like she said, just discard of it after they're you know, after they leave. And

Rick Denton  28:50  
I think what's woven into that one is something that wasn't necessarily up there, but a lot of these holiday things come into the How can we solve another problem inside of the context of the holidays. What this letter is saying is look separate those two things. If she's handling her holidays or her hoarding, then kind of help that along. Don't let the holiday and the gift giving get in the way of that. Just accept the gift and handle it like you would any other gift and keep that other issue. And I think that's what happens in the holidays, is there's other baggage being brought into the holidays that people feel compelled because they're together, that have to be quote, air quotes, again, have to be addressed at the holidays, when the reality is maybe just have the holiday and worry on the issue some other time well.

Clancy Denton  29:40  
I think we've all, you know, not necessarily, if it was a re gift or something they pulled out of their closet, but we've all opened a gift. They were like, Oh, thanks.

Rick Denton  29:51  
What did Seinfeld say? It's when you name it. Oh, thank you for the if you name the gift, you know you don't like it.

Clancy Denton  29:59  
No. Okay,

what you got? All right, I have must family host awful in laws. And it doesn't necessarily be in laws versus your own flesh and blood, but So yes, this one was about, you know, my, it's my turns, my family's turn to host, but my in laws are terrible guests. They show up late, they offer. They don't take their shoes off, get I don't care. I don't make people take but I know that's if that was your thing, that's what you'd expect. They offer to bring a side dish, but either don't follow through, or bring something entirely different. They let their kids run wild, jumping on the furniture, they make messes. They don't offer to clean up. They leave dirty dishes everywhere. I mean, you did marry into this family. So is the person that you married like this, because I don't know anyway, so you know, she just said, Indeed, these are all good reasons not to want to entertain these people, but this is Miss Manners. Can think of two good reasons to do so. They're your in laws, and it's your turn. So again, you just have to take everything at this time, because sometimes these are people you don't see, right? You know, we live close enough to ours that we see them, but sometimes people are traveling. You don't see these people maybe once a year, right? So do you want it to be fraught with negativity, or just be like, I'll deal with it whatever, after they're gone and I get it as the host, it sucks when people don't respect your home and don't respect the work that you've put in for this holiday. Yeah,

Rick Denton  31:41  
agree with that. The letter, though, as written, is interesting. A couple categories in there. One is jumping on the furniture. If you have rules, if there's like, house rules, like, shoes come off, or shoes stay on, whatever, if there's house rules, well, there's, there's certain lines that, no, I expect my guests to do a certain thing, and jumping on a furniture could be one of those. Hey, we don't do that here. You feeling rambunctious. Hey, you got a backyard. You got a front yard that could put whatever you need to do right the leaving the dishes around and that kind of stuff. Some of that's just hosting. If you actually have people, if you're hosting and you have guests, well, I don't want my guests cleaning up. And actually, it's funny, there's a lot of letters that I've seen written to Dear Abby and Miss Manners of, why do my guests feel compelled to come into the kitchen and help with the dishes? They mess everything up. I want it done my way, so people have the other perspective of, get out of my kitchen. And in this one, I'm with you that it's sort of a hey, you're the host. Relax a little with the acknowledgement that there are house rules of, look, yeah, don't throw the vase on the ground out of entertainment,

Clancy Denton  32:41  
yeah? Well, and, okay, so, like, you know, my dad will usually always go in after everyone's done eating, and he starts doing the dishes. That's just, that's the role he has in his house. And then he also does it in my house, yeah, sometimes when he's over here, um, the other thing I want to say this lady, or, I don't know if it's a lady or if it's the wife or the husband or whatever. Where's your spouse in this? Ooh, that comes up a lot, because if this is their family, yes, have them step up and say, look, so and so has put a lot of work into this chill and be respectful now that that, and that may be in her later. I didn't read

Rick Denton  33:27  
that letter or not. That comes up a ton, and all of these, in a lot of these conflicts, you'll have the spouse that is directly tied to the family that's creating the conflict or and that may not be fair to say, creating is somewhat absent or deferring and expecting the in law spouse to handle it. And most of them know the direct spouse is to defend you as a unit, married couple. And that is something true when you're a young or where you're an empty nester is no you still are a unit.

Clancy Denton  34:02  
So touch on the last one. This one doesn't have to do with holidays, but just just a well, yeah,

Rick Denton  34:08  
goes wrong this year. You might want to pay attention. The headline is she has insurance policies on in law. So I recently discovered that my mother in law has two life insurance policies on me, neither of which I knew about, and one of which is close to 20 years old. So without reading

Clancy Denton  34:30  
the whole letter clearly

when they got married so

Rick Denton  34:34  
and they don't have a good relationship, I have my own life insurance. I don't need this. I'm not even gonna read the Dear Abby answer. Well, actually, the first sentence, you have my sympathy, your mother in law, appears to be a handful. I didn't even know. I guess it's technically possible for you to buy an insurance policy on someone that doesn't know about it. But I mean.

Clancy Denton  34:59  
And but don't you have to have, like, medical tests and stuff to get right we did when we had our life insurance. We

Rick Denton  35:06  
are showing our ignorance here about life insurance. How awkward, like, basically, I would have a food tester because mother in law is trying to cash in on me, kicking out well.

Clancy Denton  35:19  
And again, this is another one of Does your husband know that you're his mom has this on you? Ooh, what

Rick Denton  35:25  
would that conversation, Harry, did you know that my mom has an insurance Oh, yeah, no, I've known that for years. Wow. Like in our family's context, that would be me discovering that bunny has had a life insurance policy on me for two decades, I guarantee I'm having somebody else taste my food if I find that out.

Clancy Denton  35:47  
So yeah, you might want to just question everyone at your holiday gathering. So

Rick Denton  35:54  
yeah, so we talked about bingo cards at Thanksgiving. So at Christmas, ask everyone if they have a life insurance policy on you. And if they do, be very afraid, very, very afraid. Yeah, all right. So if y'all enjoyed that, I know we enjoyed that. And if you have family stories or anything like that that you would want to share with us, share with us. We'd love to talk about that on here. Or if this is the kind of thing you like, or hey, just tell us. Hey, we like that more. Dear Abby, stuff. Let us know what you might want out of an episode, because we're going to just keep talking to ourselves unless we hear more from folks as to what they want. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  36:30  
So, yeah. So this, this will, this episode will come out, you know, Thursday, before Christmas. We'll see what our plans are. After Christmas, we have something in the words, but we'll see if

Rick Denton  36:41  
I'm going to do a little tease and just recognize that it may not happen, but we're thinking about doing a live. So next Thursday, when we would normally drop an episode, don't know what time we may go live on next well, oh, not next Thursday. I'm sorry, the Thursday Christmas, actually the next Thursday after this drops. Sure it'll be the the Thursday after we may go live. We're going to see if we can get the key. The kids involved in it. So little tease, but it could be a false tease. Just stay tuned to all the social media. If you're not following us on Facebook or Instagram, that's where you'll find out

Clancy Denton  37:12  
about it. And we just wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. I hope your family gatherings go well and

Rick Denton  37:20  
that none of them end up in any advice columnists topics.

Clancy Denton  37:25  
And if you have any questions about my plastic surgery or anything, you know, just hit me up. I'm, like, I said, an open book.

Rick Denton  37:33  
She's been very open about it. Yeah, told her preacher about it. Yeah, you

Clancy Denton  37:38  
told the preacher about it. I wasn't there,

Rick Denton  37:42  
and that those are the kind of just life, joys and funds that we experience in the loud, quiet, living the empty nest.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai