Blue Bags, Big Tears, Bright Futures – E97 Greatest Hits

Clancy Denton  0:00  
Hey guys, we're dropping some Greatest Hits episodes for the next few weeks, some that we think will resonate with this time of year. First one up is when we dropped Tegan off for college. It was the week after we got back. So there will be tears, there will be some laughter and some great memories from two years ago. We hope that you enjoy this episode of The loud quiet.

Rick Denton  0:24  
Welcome to the loud quiet. I'm Rick

Clancy Denton  0:27  
and I'm Clancy. We're so glad you've chosen to join us again for Episode Two. We just want to thank our listeners so much for all the love and the support. We were truly overwhelmed by the amount of downloads, positive comments, just interest in what we've decided to do. And we really, really appreciate y'all. We appreciate all the shares, all the likes. Just thank you so much for coming on this journey with us.

Rick Denton  0:58  
Yeah, it has been truly overwhelming to see the support there. There's a way, though, that we want you to be able to engage with us, because this journey that we're on is not something that's just Clancy. And me, we're trying to figure it out from learning from others, and so we'd love to hear from you. So send us an email at the loud, quiet pod@gmail.com you also on Spotify. There's now a way that you can kind of do a Q and A so I've got a question sitting out there on Spotify where just ask, Hey, what's a question that you have about the empty nest? What's a tip that you have about the empty nest? And we'd love to get that into the show. So please go out there to Spotify. Hit us up on Facebook. DM us there, whatever it is, bring it in and and send us a message, so that we can make this actually not just two people talking to each other and to their cat, but rather a conversation with the empty nest community.

Clancy Denton  1:53  
Yes, because we know, and I've seen all over Facebook this week the amount of our friends that are going through the exact same thing. I love seeing all the posts of dropping the kids off at college. And so we know that there are a lot of us going through it. There are a lot of us who have already been through it. We have some wiser people out there listening, and we would love to hear tips from how they've been doing it for the last, you know, 20 plus years. So yes, please feel free to

Rick Denton  2:27  
hit us up, because we're not the experts. As we said

Clancy Denton  2:32  
in our first episode, we are not professionals. So which brings us to our second episode, which, if you saw the title this week, we titled it blue bags, big tears and bright futures. If anyone has taken kids to college in the past, actually, I don't know how many years ago, but four years ago, when we were taking ours for his freshman year, I guess it was three years, three years ago, I saw these blue IKEA bags, and here they are on the screen if you're watching, if you're tuning in on Spotify or YouTube TV, or no, sorry, just YouTube,

Rick Denton  3:18  
yep. Whoops. We're not on YouTube TV, not yet. We're just a couple of telling stories. Though.

Clancy Denton  3:25  
These bags are awesome. If you have a kid who is about to go off to college, if you're moving across country, the amount of stuff that you can put in these bags and pile them into your car. I Tanner drove back solo this year. We had he had five IKEA bags full. Teagan had five IKEA bags full. He had a set of golf clubs. I mean, it all fit in his car, and they are the best invention in the

Rick Denton  4:01  
world. And I know it sounds like we're doing an Ikea sponsorship. I promise that hasn't happened. It'd be nifty if it were, but no. And what I love is you can actually check them on a plane. Yes,

Clancy Denton  4:11  
so Tanner, Tanner still has his original ones from his freshman year, and they have, yes, traveled back and forth by plane, he brings his dirty laundry home in them. Whenever he comes home,

Rick Denton  4:24  
wait so kids will bring their dirty laundry home.

Clancy Denton  4:28  
But yes, they really are. And I have started, I mean, they're like $5 and I've started giving them along with another gift to each of when I do graduation gifts

Rick Denton  4:42  
and even our secret out, I know but give away tips, but we don't want to give away the secrets,

Clancy Denton  4:46  
but they are amazing, so I can't recommend them more.

Rick Denton  4:51  
Yes, big fans of those. But you know what I think we're doing here? I think we're just avoiding telling the stories that we experienced this weekend, because it is now okay. What day? Say today's Wednesday, yes, and we got back on Monday. This was after a Thursday flight to Arizona. Tanner left on Tuesday, the prior one, by the way, it was extended weekend, and that's now two days here in the empty home. But there was a lot that happened this weekend.

Clancy Denton  5:17  
Yes, there was. And I have my i i have my tissue, and for those of my listeners who watched the housewives, I have formed it into my Candace triangle. So those of you who know will know I'm hoping I can hold it together. I'm going to try. I did break down yesterday when I opened the pantry and saw her ramen in there that she didn't finish before she left. But I've kept myself busy these past couple of days, and so

Rick Denton  5:49  
that has been a key part of it, and I maybe in a future one, we'll talk about being here. I definitely want to talk about the the weekend that we were experiencing. It has been, though, it's been weird, what the triggers for tears have been. And you it was ramen for me, it was a parking lot. I'm driving Tegan car right now, and she has a bunch of her little stuffed crap, plastic crap in there. And, yeah, I'm suddenly seeing them being like, the horse fell off, like, oh my gosh, it's deacons horse. I can't remember the name of all our toys or anything at

Clancy Denton  6:21  
that, but, oh, what is the horse's name? I think it's Wells Fargo.

Rick Denton  6:27  
That's a totally different not brought to you by Wells Fargo again. Yeah, yeah. So we flew out there, and the whole, you know what? For me, it was almost like we were on a treadmill or one of those moving sidewalks, because that's what it just felt like you could never stop, like it was just step after step that got you closer and closer and closer to the moment. And there were moments of greatness, moments of not so greatness. It just there was just the spirit of inevitability the whole weekend that I felt the entire time well,

Clancy Denton  7:01  
and to me, and I was telling someone this, it almost felt like we were just going on a trip, because she all of her stuff was gone with Tanner. We each just had our carry on bag, and that was it. So it really felt like we were just going to Arizona. Yes, we, both of our kids, are in Arizona. We should say that, yeah, which is totally surreal. Yes,

Rick Denton  7:26  
we're Texan. We've been here, so yeah, that's right, I guess folks don't know that we've got our youngest at University of Arizona. Our oldest is at Arizona State.

Clancy Denton  7:34  
Yes, so Rival Schools in a different state 16 hours

Rick Denton  7:39  
away. So yes, they moved closer to be closer to each other and as far away from us. Hmm, maybe we should explore that.

Clancy Denton  7:46  
But it was, it really just felt like, Oh, we're just, you know, going on vacation. And it it was just, it was a four day of high highs, low lows, some moments of Oh no, which we'll get into Yeah, but yeah, it was, I mean, luckily. Thank you. Southwest Airlines again, not a sponsor, but everything was on time. You know, Tegan was very concerned about just getting there, no delays, no cancelations and everything like, totally smooth, which should have

Rick Denton  8:31  
been our first sign that this wasn't a normal weekend, that it wasn't a normal trip, because we seem to have cancelations out there. Yeah, it wasn't because, what would we do that first night? Oh, we found, you know, some local burger shop to go burgers. We checked on a hotel. We were just kind of enjoying a vacation

Clancy Denton  8:47  
there. We shopped after burgers. Yes, after burgers. We started,

Rick Denton  8:54  
how many targets and how many Walmarts did we go to in one town

Clancy Denton  8:59  
and, okay, in Tucson, I think we went to three targets and four Walmarts, which is nearly 100% of the targets, and also an at home, a Asian market. And didn't we Best Buy

Clancy Denton  9:18  
and Bath and Body in the mall? So yeah, I think we had everything, which the Tucson mall, if you want to take a trip down memory lane, if any, if anyone grew up in the let's call it the 80s, 80s especially.

Clancy Denton  9:33  
I mean, it felt like I was walking into Colin Creek mall in Plano, if you know what that is, or the one violin

Rick Denton  9:40  
mall, Martin Creek. I mean, I was expecting to see a bugle boy. What was the record store? Oh, now I'm brain fart in the record store. That was always in one sound warehouse, but it was another one. It really was like Contempo casual would have been units. I don't know if you know how to. Benetton there. So again, we're avoiding the stories, the feelings that we had, but it was we, I think, an element of that first night, it still kind of felt unreal. Yes, we shopped and we shopped late, and it was that, but it still wasn't the day of shopping, you know? And so we get up that next day, and I think you went down to the gym. I may have gone for a walk to the neighborhood that time, but then eat breakfast, and then it was go. And it was, here's a here is a tip, if you're actually dropping kids off to school, don't choose the store that's right next to the campus. Find the one that's away from campus, because one is not crowded and it actually has items. It's amazing how quickly these places get sold out. And it was that was actually kind of fun, and I can't believe I'm saying that, but watching her pick out stuff for her room and this rug or that frame or this light or that even getting a succulent that she was able to give to her roommate, that was something that was fun.

Clancy Denton  11:02  
It was fun. And because we were coming from further out of state and had to take a plane, we couldn't pack everything, you know, I knew she was going to need more storage things. So yes, we did have to go and buy and that's another tip, if you are doing something like that, make sure you rent some sort of SUV, because you will not be able to pay. Yeah, no, right? So, yeah. So no, that was, that was a good day. We went to campus. We went to the bookstore. We which is

Rick Denton  11:33  
required, I think every parent, every visit, there's actually a spending minimum that, if you don't meet that, they add it to your tuition bill, so you have to go to the bookstore and buy stuff.

Clancy Denton  11:41  
Yeah, we got to see her dorm. Because when we did the tour, she hadn't decided where she was going to go, so we really didn't pay attention all that much to the dorms or those kind of things. So we got to see her dorm. So no, that was a good day. We Tanner drove from Phoenix and met us that night. That was that night, yep, and we got to meet the roommate and her parents, lovely people, yeah, very happy with how they ended up together.

Rick Denton  12:12  
And then we went to dinner with the family. And that was, I don't think we have a picture that we may share that, but that was, we've got it was just fun. You worry about that, because, yes, the kids have met each other online. They've talked a little bit about with each other, but you don't really know, and I guess we still don't know, there's going to be a ton of discovery. What I knew about my roommate in the first week is not what I knew about my roommate by the end of the year, different story, different time, won't be on the record,

Clancy Denton  12:40  
and my roommate was my, you know, best friend in high school, and, you know, we just knew that we were going to room together. So, yeah, it's, it's really different now, how these kids find their roommates, especially if they're going to schools like both of our kids, who know, right? No one at either one of their schools,

Rick Denton  13:03  
and that's one of the big worries as so all the things that we worry about as a parent, that we want our kids to go into college, we want our kids to enjoy college. We want them to thrive in college. Well, that's a specific thing that you worry about, is, will they meet people? Will they? And when you're sending your child that far away, and by choice, we didn't send her. She chose to go that far away, but she purposely went a place she knew no one, and that opportunity to meet a ton of people, well, that's taking somebody out of a comfort zone that you know, maybe we don't necessarily see in their high school experience. And so you're hoping they do that in their college experience, and you just pray and hope that their roommates not a psycho, which, so far, so good. Let's flip that though they're praying and hoping that even psycho as well. So again, so far, yeah, so good, yeah, and, but that almost not, but, and that reinforced that it was a vacation. Yeah, we did some shopping. We did all kinds of stuff. But when Tanner comes down, we're just meeting people. We're having some dinner. We're having some margaritas and some some actually pretty darn good Tucson Mexican food, very good stuff. There.

Clancy Denton  14:16  
We have lots of Tucson recommendation for restaurants, if anyone needs them, because we like to find unique, different places. Now, the roommates, parents picked this, and it was excellent. But we had at some really good we had some really good food. This is

Rick Denton  14:33  
one that had been around 100 years, el Charro, downtown. Great place. It still felt because then we all went back to the hotel, Tanner's with us? Oh, actually, no, what did we do? He dropped together. This. This will show the difference between our two kids. Tegan is worn out and all of us are worn out, but it's eight o'clock, and yes, to our bodies, it's 10 o'clock. Well, what do we do? Tanner Clancy are like, I still want to go out and get another drink. So we found a local pub and. Had a pint there and enjoyed spending time with Tanner. I know a lot of what we're talking about now is Tegan. He, too is being dropped at a school, and we're leaving him for his senior year. And Tegan, like you said, they're just different kids. She has to recharge by being by herself, whereas Tanner recharges by being with 500 people. So, and we were on to stop, yes, so, but he was happy for to have his beer paid for. So that always is good, yeah. So, yeah. So we came back, and then, then it's Saturday

Clancy Denton  15:29  
and and her move in time was so late in the or like, early afternoon, but yeah, we were getting up at the crack of dawn because to our bodies, it was, you know, two hours later than what it was, so we're just sitting there, it was like just counting down the clock

Rick Denton  15:51  
to that tread, not treadmill, but that moving sidewalk, where it's just taking you to that moment that reinforced it even more for me. And I don't, I don't know that I thought about it in the moment, but I knew that it was just this march towards something that I clearly want, but it's a march towards something that my emotions don't clearly want, and that's sitting around that morning. I know

Clancy Denton  16:14  
it was, it was, it was torturous for me. I mean, luckily, yes, there you went and walked, I went down and did stuff in the gym. But, yeah, I mean, I was just like, let's, let's get this show on the road. We got it because, yeah, your emotions are just sitting there. And you know that, you know, yeah, it was just, it will. It was torture.

Rick Denton  16:39  
So then we go to lunch. And again, everything that we want for our child is to hear how positive things are, how wonderful things are, and how awesome they are. So we we this was when we just needed to eat early, right? We were eating at like, 1050, 11 o'clock, because you need to move in at noon and all that kind of stuff. Well, we're going through the line. The guy goes, Oh, hey, University of Arizona, yeah? Oh yeah. No, I'm, I think Teagan is the one who actually spoke. I'm moving in today. Oh yeah. Well, Tucson sucks, yeah, you're gonna like the university, but this town is

Clancy Denton  17:14  
going, Uh huh, yeah.

Rick Denton  17:15  
Well, of course, the rival is saying that. But I'm like, wait, no, what are you doing? You can't say that, yeah. And I will say,

Clancy Denton  17:25  
we love to We enjoyed our time there. Yeah, it was

Rick Denton  17:28  
great. Yes, reamed with mountains. Yeah, the desert style. I love it out there. So, I mean, yeah, but that's not what you want to hear as you're going to move

Clancy Denton  17:39  
in and get your key and move into the dorm. Jeez, yay. So, yeah, that was a little but so, yeah, so, you know, we started moving like I said, it was really different with a girl. I don't think it took us as long to do Tanners moving.

Rick Denton  17:58  
Let me, can I say something before we get to the event, I find that it's the quiet moments that I start to feel it. And it was weird that I wasn't necessarily tear filled later, but as we're driving to the dorm on whatever Broadway, whatever street that was, I'm starting to get upset. Nobody's really talking to the car. Well,

Clancy Denton  18:22  
it was just you and in the car. Well, it was just you and me, because she was with Tanner, yeah, so she wasn't even in the

Rick Denton  18:27  
car. So she's not even in the car. I'm still in my vacation to Tucson, and it's starting to hit me, and I'm and I feel like some bad, bad English song came on. So, you know, then you get the 80s slow dance sadness too. And it was really hard just driving to the dorm to realize this is the youngest, yeah, she's gone.

Clancy Denton  18:50  
And then you flip into Go, go, go, go, go. Yeah. I mean, it was, you know, okay, so you have 30 minutes to

Rick Denton  18:54  
get the box upstairs. Well, we have so much stuff, we gotta get the bin, yeah, oh, wait, they're gonna take us if we stay for more than 30 minutes. Like everything was 30 minutes, like everything was 30 minutes. So set the alarm, get your badge, get your running and where's the elevator, all that kind of stuff. Tanner and I are running back. Thank God Tanner was there, but you're right. It's that hectic mode. I don't think we have a picture of it, but the explosion in the hallway. Thank God we were moving in early. And yes, that was a explosion of stuff. I should probably say Not, not literal explosion. That

Clancy Denton  19:21  
was a bonus, getting to move in, because she chose to do an optional camp, freshman camp, getting to move in early. I mean, we had so much space in the hallways. They could build their shelves. They could put together their you know, all everything that we needed to put together. We could unload slowly from the hallway into the room, because there was, you know, only a handful of people moving in our hall. So that was awesome. So it

Rick Denton  19:51  
took a long time. Oh, we were there. It was. We

Clancy Denton  19:55  
got there at, you know, 1245 at 645 Five, and we still weren't completely done, because we had a list of stuff that we needed to get the next day it was we got to go get something to eat, because this is when the first breakdown happened. I want to, well,

Rick Denton  20:14  
I want to talk about moving in just a little bit when we were going in, because one thing that I would say, map out all of your electronics and determine how many cords and extension cords you need. Part of the reason that we went to Target Walmart, Best Buy as many times as we did, is all of the stupid extension cords that we had to buy, because you never know how many things. I mean, it's it's insane.

Clancy Denton  20:41  
I mean, there are tons of plugs in that room, but yeah, when you're trying to plug in, yeah, and lamps and chargers and yeah, I mean, it's just, it's a

Rick Denton  20:50  
lot. And so I was thinking about, I was laughing about that, because I was thinking about what I plugged in in my freshman dorm, and I think it was a lamp,

Clancy Denton  21:00  
no, probably an alarm clock and a TV. We had a TV in ours so, but yeah, oh yeah,

Clancy Denton  21:07  
play cute. The Vivaldi, yeah, it was, it probably weighed 80 pounds, and it was, you know, barely, I bet it cost more than the TV. The Tanner just told us that he bought today.

Clancy Denton  21:21  
But yeah, I mean, yeah, you we didn't have, you know, I bet you right, it was an alarm clock. Your phone plugged into the phone jack. You didn't need a plug for your phone. So, yeah, no, there what? Yeah, totally different. I don't think I had a power strip in my dorm room. Yeah,

Rick Denton  21:38  
and I only looked at Pinterest a little bit my freshman year to see how I wanted to design my freshman room.

Clancy Denton  21:42  
Yeah, I will say my dad did bring, oh, my roommate and I a little because at that time he was working for the furniture side of Penny's company that they had bought. So he brought us a little magnetic with all the shapes of our bed, and so we could try to figure out how to lay out the room. Yeah, it didn't matter.

Rick Denton  22:10  
That's so dad. I mean, that's such a dad thing to do. And I felt like I drew that out when we finally got

Clancy Denton  22:16  
to and then them trying to get the carpet, because that's when you would buy your rugs at the camp. Remember, there would be like, someone out there with the truck with the rugs that didn't fit the room size. So here's the two dads trying to cut. Oh yeah, there's

Rick Denton  22:34  
carpet Enders, because that's because the dude's selling out of the back of the truck, which, again, we bought stuff out of a bag of a truck. But it was, I can't remember the term, but it was the end of the role that they couldn't sell. So you get all the carpet ends. Oh, geez, yeah. So we were exhausted, I mean, just ripped tired. And so we knew Tegan had this request, I want to go to a place that just has a bunch of choices. She didn't have really a style. So we found some place that looked kind of cool in downtown Tucson, which is only a few minutes away, and I'm driving, and it got kind of quiet,

Clancy Denton  23:10  
yeah, and it actually started up in her dorm room, though, oh, I didn't do that. Yes, I think you were out in the hallway. And I turned around, and she was a bawling, and I was like, Oh no. And I was like, so then, of course, I started bawling, and I'm like, what's wrong? What's wrong? And she couldn't express what was wrong, and I said, let's go get food. You're tired, you know, it's been a long day. There's been, you know, let's just go. So that's when we got in the car, and, yes, that's when you turn, or I turn, you turn around. And I was like, quiet, because she was crying again. And finally she said I missed my cat. And I we said, Okay, let's get

Rick Denton  23:59  
you said that a lot. Yeah, no, it was, I know,

Clancy Denton  24:03  
but we got some food. She was fine that later that night, after we had dropped her back off, I told you I thought she was gonna say, I want to go back home. Yeah? Like, I really had that feeling of, oh my gosh, I'm gonna be one of those moms that posts on the college Facebook page. My daughter said she doesn't want to stay. I mean, I really and, and I knew in my heart that that's not what she was feeling, but you're feeling Yes, she was so upset, and yeah, so luckily, it

Rick Denton  24:40  
was good that, like, the meal was really like, that part was good to have that meal because it did change things. We were able to laugh again. We were able to

Clancy Denton  24:49  
and while we were Yes, and while we were sitting there, her roommate texted her and said, Hey, let's do this tonight. That's right. And so let's binge watch something. Yeah, so we're like. Great. We took her back, you know, we went back to our hotel by ourselves, left her, you know, just spend the night in her dorm for the first night. And that was weird, yeah,

Rick Denton  25:14  
when you, when you walk away from your kid at the dorm, now think exhaustion is an incredible what's the word I'm looking for medicator, like it's her. Okay? I'll see it. I don't care anymore. Just go, you're

Clancy Denton  25:29  
just so physically and emotionally. Just yeah, wiped out, and I forgot the thing that made us feel when we got back to drop her off at the door. That's when she walked up, and there was a girl trying to figure out how to use her ID to get into the dorm. And so we saw Tegan walk up, and was like, Oh, you do it like this. And they walked up together. She lives on her Hall. She met her, you know, we were like, you could just breathe a sigh of relief. That moment, she's going to be okay,

Rick Denton  26:01  
yeah, that moment where you see your kid zero interaction, I'd like to say we're not a very hands on parenting kind of group. But with Z, she gets out of the car, she's gone, and she approaches her independently, and it could have been okay. Here's how you do it by or not even by, just walk by her. But it was immediately they walked together, and you saw that we're sitting in the car, you can't hear anything, and you see them walking together and talking that that wave of peace just comes over you, because that's what you want. You know your child has ripped themselves out of their entire support network, and you're praying that they build a new one, and they're gonna have to do it on their own, because there's plenty of parents that try to do that for their kids. It's ridiculous. We won't, and it wouldn't work anyway, but to see them her do it absolutely but we knew, hey, we're not leaving her for good. We'll see her tomorrow at this you know, just regular bear down camp breakfast, right? There's nothing emotional to discover. There no and you know, that was, of course, after shopping,

Clancy Denton  27:10  
oh, we got up early and had to go run and get a couple of things. But

Rick Denton  27:15  
Windows lows open, yeah, that's what I was looking at. But the

Clancy Denton  27:18  
bear Drow bear down. Brunch was great. That's the, that's the U of A motto is bear down. Is there has nothing to it. They're the Wildcat. So has nothing to do with there's a story. Google it, yeah. So very well done. You know, she had already told us so many stories about, you know, she and her roommate walked around and explored and, you know, so that was great. The brunch was great. They got into their it's basically like a pine Cove or a Sky Ranch for the week. Is what

Rick Denton  27:55  
it's a summer camp, even a sleep away camp, any brand, yeah, that's what it felt like. Now, the kids are still sleeping in their dorms. They're not going anywhere. They used to go somewhere. Covid stopped that it was even though the woman's presentation, the student, you just got this sense of security, how it was the student affairs office, or something supporting the Dean of Students, Dean of Students, but her specific assistance, or whatever it was, how many resources they have available. And the one that got taken so excited was one day a week, they bring in puppies, okay, well, and therapy animals and that sort of stuff. And then she was excited about that in the shit. Oh, and we also bring a cat that's so fat that we have to wheel him in in a stroller, and Clancy's Oh, when do I get to go see the fat cat?

Clancy Denton  28:39  
When you see that cat in the stroller, you better send us all a picture. So, yeah, no, it was very well done. They got their group. She was so excited about the group that she got in,

Rick Denton  28:50  
popped right up and went straight to it and things that we didn't necessarily see in high school and younger. Tegan, this was she was embracing the new Well, that's what you

Clancy Denton  29:00  
want. And this is so Teagan. When she opened the folder and she said, there's a schedule for the week that is her she's been so regimented her entire with competitive cheer, the drill team, she's so used to having routine schedule. And that was what she said that morning. She said, I think I was upset because I didn't know what I was gonna do when I got back to my room because I didn't have an activity planned for that evening. Yeah, so she knows that she craves that, but so yeah, so they go off in their groups, and then they'd only

Rick Denton  29:40  
been told set this up. We'd only been told it was going to be a parent information session. That's what was on the agenda. And I even said to Clancy, I've sat enough parent information sessions in my life. Do you want to go leave a cup of coffee walk around campus? And no, of course, we didn't do that. So yeah.

Clancy Denton  29:56  
So they say, all right, parents open this. An envelope on your table.

Rick Denton  30:02  
It had said, do not open. Yeah. We thought it was gonna be financial aid crap,

Clancy Denton  30:05  
so we opened it up and it was blank paper and envelopes, and they're like, this is your time to write a letter to your child, which I had already done, and for both of them and put in their suitcases, but pat me on that cute and

Clancy Denton  30:23  
smug music here, so you know. And they were walking around with tissue boxes and and tegans

Clancy Denton  30:33  
to write a letter to your kid, yeah, and that they were going to give to them at the end of this week of camp. Just

Rick Denton  30:39  
Kids didn't know about it, like they thought we were at some and we were like, well, what do we tell them? So we said some fine that they didn't ask, but was gonna be financial

Clancy Denton  30:46  
aid, but, but I loved when chickens roommates. Dad got back to the table. He said there's like four big dads in the bathroom crying. And Rick said, I stood it here at the table. I got nothing. I don't know

Rick Denton  31:00  
if it's second child or it's just who I am, but I'm, I'm, I'm not much of a baller, but I am definitely tears running down my face as I'm writing this letter, and I feel it in my throat right now, just, well, there's the pressure of, how do I communicate all the love and the guidance and the emotions that you feel in this tiny little bit of time and just this, you want it to be special and meaningful, and it's improv,

Clancy Denton  31:29  
and you don't want to forget something. You know, I already had mentally in my head, everything I was going to say to her when we left, but, yeah, it's just again, those emotions are just they're just simmering. They're just simmering right here, like, right up in your throat, and you just know that in about an hour and a half, they're just gonna release, because that's when you're gonna be hugging her and walking away, yeah?

Rick Denton  32:01  
And you feel it.

Clancy Denton  32:03  
So, yeah. So, yeah, that was great. Teagan came back in. Had an awesome time. So then that

Rick Denton  32:10  
and so let's This is the highs and lows, the emotion that we feel as parents, I think a lot of times, is rooted in the loss that you have of the past and fear of the future, we can't change the loss of the past. That's you grieve for that. But that fear of the future feeds that emotion too. And then when your kid comes bounding back and going, oh my gosh, we met all these people, and I bonded with this girl, and she's got, I was asked for her number, and I started to get the number out, and I had a picture of my cat and you hear these stories, and it it makes those the fear part of the loss does not go away, but the fear starts to subside. And you see the joy that your kid has, not the anxiety that your kid had, but the joy that they have of what they're about to experience. And you realize that's what I want as a parent. Is that joy for my kid?

Clancy Denton  32:59  
Yeah, and that's what you know. So then we were on our high this is for those of you are watching a picture of us after her brunch and on our way to say goodbye, and

Rick Denton  33:11  
I and she's bubbly, yeah,

Clancy Denton  33:15  
and I mean, I love this picture, because their campuses are beautiful. I mean, I would want to go to school out there it is. I'm

Rick Denton  33:24  
thinking about getting a job out there. It

Clancy Denton  33:27  
is both ASU and U of A have just gorgeous campuses. So,

Rick Denton  33:34  
so, yeah, so it was 100 and gabillion degrees, and yet it still

Clancy Denton  33:37  
felt great. So yeah, but it actually it was cooler. It was cooler there than it was here. So no, it was we had awesome weather, but so yeah. So now it was time to say goodbye. And you know, that was she I said, Do you want us? We walked back to her dorm room. I said, Do you want to come say goodbye to us at the car, or do you want to come? And she said no in the hallway. And

Rick Denton  34:04  
then everyone broke down, yeah, yeah. I I started to walk away with my back to her, because that's what you do. You turn away and you walk away. And then I realized, and I think I think I nudged you, I think we both did it, and we turned around and walked backwards. Yeah, because will not forget that image of walking away from her, because it's the reverse. He walked away from us. He was in the parking garage. He walked away from the car. And I have that, and maybe it's not healthy, but I still have that image in my mind of him walking and then he goes down the stairs, and he's actually kind of backlit, so it's like he's going into some either. Well, Tegan was at her room, so we walk away, and, I mean, I will never forget that she's crying. And then we turn the corner,

Clancy Denton  34:58  
and that's it. I. Got in our car to drive to Phoenix. We

Rick Denton  35:04  
sat there for we and we

Clancy Denton  35:06  
prayed for Teagan, yeah, and yeah,

Rick Denton  35:11  
I'd like to do a little prayer. I'd like to pay there in some some prayer, and go as long as you do, I could not speak. It wasn't like, I was real great on an org, yeah. And that is one thing that was made this weird, so, like, we could stop right here. And that was everything about that part of it. That's the moment that we became empty nesters. Then we decided to take an hour and a half trip to go see our son in Tempe, because he was moving in the next day. And it just makes sense, because the two schools are right next to each other. We had a dinner with him that felt that was another part of it that just made it feel a little different, in that, hey, now we're off and running.

Clancy Denton  35:50  
It gave a little buffer, I guess, almost like then, just because with Tanner, we got on the plane and left and bawled on the plane and bald in the airport after the dust storm was over. Yeah, yes, yes. If you've ever sat through

Rick Denton  36:09  
a she's not being naughty, they're called

Clancy Denton  36:12  
boobs, and they are crazy. But you know, so that was different, and it kind of gave a nice made it a little less

Rick Denton  36:25  
harsh. It made it a little less harsh. And you know what it did to me? It reminded me we didn't have that with Tanner. We just went back. We didn't know what it was like to have a college kid now. We still had Teagan at home. By going to see Tanner, it reminded me that this is okay, this is what you want. Tanner is a thriving senior who actually doesn't care if we help him move in or not, and and he was thankful that we were there and we took him to dinner, into a bar and that sort of stuff. What

Clancy Denton  36:54  
was that? Was that? That was that Uncle Sal That was excellent restaurant if you're in

Rick Denton  36:59  
and a little tie to one of your shows. It's Scott, yeah,

Clancy Denton  37:03  
yeah, but yeah, that that really kind of softened the blue a little bit, and he didn't need our help moving in. We wanted to see his place, and we did the next morning. He did give us a target list that we went and because when I got there, I said, you don't have any toilet paper or paper towels. Can y'all go to Target? I said, Yes, and then, while we're at Target, we proceed together. Can you get Yeah, so that it was nice and getting to see his the his roommates from freshman year are all living back together again senior year, and it's a great group of boys. They've they've remained friends, and Tanner has lived with one of them every year. But great group of kids, their town home is amazing. It just makes you feel good to know that, yes, like you said, she's gonna be okay. He's, you know, you just said it right. Driving. He's living

Rick Denton  38:01  
with the same guys that he met freshman year. She may be building lifelong relationships now, I tell my story. I had a freshman roommate that I probably wasn't gonna live with again. Is she still but I met lifelong friends that friends that I just saw last week, or what, last week, two, three weeks ago, she's gonna experience that same thing, yes, and seeing him help with that as well. It didn't. Did so when we did say bye to him, though it wasn't as emotional, because we've said bye to him enough times, but it's at the airport that it was like, you know, we'd had plenty to eat, plenty to drink. Our bodies were probably done with any food and Bevy, and yet I still made sure that there was something poured for me there at the lounge while we waited it. It was weird getting on that plane, knowing that we're not going home on a temporary thing. This is, this is the the it

Clancy Denton  38:54  
Yes, and it was the best thing that you can get is a text from your child that you've just left your baby saying, oh my gosh, we had so much fun last night. You know, almost every single one of her texts, which, this is also a child who doesn't, doesn't

Rick Denton  39:14  
text. I don't know who the Yeah. Are we sure? Actually someone doesn't. Somebody stole Tanner. I'm gonna need you to go down and check in, Tegan,

Clancy Denton  39:22  
but you know, I don't think we've gotten one negative text

Rick Denton  39:27  
from her comically negative. She was griping that the other team was winning, or whatever. Yes,

Clancy Denton  39:31  
that's just her competitive nature coming out. But so that just makes you feel so good. And then we did get several of those, yes, and then we get on the plane, and then you send that text that's all mushy to them, and so then I'm crying on the

Rick Denton  39:47  
plane. Sorry. I was feeling the emotions. So in the seat, you know, good old I fully expected a flight attendant to come in. Are y'all

Clancy Denton  39:58  
I know? Yeah, I. Say I was one of them. We don't care. Okay, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, might need to

Rick Denton  40:09  
take that out. Oh,

Clancy Denton  40:12  
the only reason I can say that is because I was one for several years. So yeah, so you sent that text. And so then we're crying again, and then we get the text from Tanner that threw us right back into reality. Oh yeah, yes. So this is, this is a shout out to Rick,

Rick Denton  40:35  
yes. So Phil Davis, if you're listening to this one, shout out to you for coming with this idea. We're gonna do this in each episode. If we have, well, we're not going to fabricate it, but if there is one, and it's text from our kids, yeah, so remember emotional,

Clancy Denton  40:49  
yeah, we were so yes, so emotional, so proud. Yeah,

Rick Denton  40:53  
can you send me your Gmail password so I can log into YouTube TV? Yeah?

Clancy Denton  40:57  
You know that just threw us right back into business reality. Yeah, I've seen that post that people say, if you want your kids to text or call you, change your Netflix password. So yeah, I'm glad they were getting all their entertainment set up so

Rick Denton  41:17  
and to be fair to our kids, yes, that is a funny text that is at least Tanner has always been a consistent texter and caller. We've been surprised by Tegan. Well, there it is. So we get home, drive home, I'm not gonna narrate the drive home. It's the Tollway, and there wasn't traffic. So apparently we were in another universe, and we did that. We come in, there's only one person to talk to, and it's not a person.

Clancy Denton  41:41  
And he come out right away for a while, but then he did, and then he did not leave our sides the entire Yeah, day night. He's in here right now,

Rick Denton  41:53  
dude, Yeah, crazy cat. But so this is the beginning of it. I mean, that was, you know that's talking about the kids, that's talking about them in college. We're about to have to figure out how to do the the real life, right? We'll still be interactive, but now they're there, yeah, and so silly thing, well, well, that's what we're doing here. We're going to try to figure that out together. I uh, it has been weird this week. It has been weird and then it's been not weird at times. We've got plenty of time and plenty of episodes to talk about that. It's just this is that moment they're dropped off, they're at school, and now we're the empty nest.

Clancy Denton  42:36  
Yes, we are. Oh, I thought you're about to cry. No, no, I'm I held it together pretty, pretty well. Didn't use your whatever house wives trying my triangle a couple of times, but I held it together. So, yeah, no, I mean, it is, I have noticed that I have to turn on something like listen to a podcast on my phone while I'm in now have something on because it is the loud quiet. Yeah,

Rick Denton  43:05  
yeah, it the house does have a quiet to it that is overwhelmingly loud, hence the name. Well, I do want to, I know that that kind of brings us to the end of today, not that we had an agenda or anything like that. Just wanted to talk to each other and tell some stories and hit record and share it with all of y'all. I do. I do want to the business side of it. I do want to reinforce, hey, this is, this is an episode this. This is a podcast that we want y'all engagement on, and so we, we want you to be a part of the loud quiet and doing so. So message us again. It's the loud quiet pod@gmail.com it's also on Facebook, and then the Q and A option there in Spotify as well. So want to hear your questions. Yeah. Want to share your tips.

Clancy Denton  43:49  
Yeah. If you have a topic that you want us to explore, please let us know if, if you'd like to be a future guest, please let us know. We have a few

Rick Denton  44:00  
queued up already. Get ready if you're listening to this. We you know we're going to be hitting you up to be a guest.

Clancy Denton  44:06  
But again, y'all, thanks for listening, and we

Rick Denton  44:11  
haven't come up with a good closure yet. No, we will. This is only episode two, so we're proving that we're still not professionals. But it is, I do I it was just another great time. You know, what great time to be with you, recording another episode of the loud quiet,

Clancy Denton  44:27  
living the empty nest. I.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai