Empty Nest 201 - Retaining Our Amateur Status E50

Clancy Denton  0:00  
I love list, so

you get me a coffee mug with that on it.

Rick Denton  0:09  
I love lamp, or

Clancy Denton  0:10  
I love list. This is the loud, quiet, living the empty nest. Hey guys, welcome back episode 50. That's right,

Rick Denton  0:20  
five zero.

Clancy Denton  0:22  
We are calling this episode empty nest, 201, that's right. So we're starting our second season. We're sophomores. Episode 50. We've made it more than, what did you say? 1%

Rick Denton  0:36  
Oh, I think, I think what I posted before was a more conservative, like 1013 but it's by the time you make it to 50, you're in the top 1% now, most of that's because most people do one episode and

Clancy Denton  0:47  
realize we'll screw that. Yeah, we're only in second year, so we haven't graduated yet, so we'll see, we'll see in your Is there a year for when we graduate? Yeah,

Rick Denton  1:01  
there's a lot of people that take more than four years graduate, so we don't know where this is gonna go,

Clancy Denton  1:05  
but, yeah, but it's been, I mean, three weeks since our last recording, which was with my parents. And so if you haven't watched that episode, go back and watch it. Lots of fun, lots of good advice. Just it was just a good time, a different setting. You can see it. If you're watching, you can see a different setting.

Rick Denton  1:26  
And that's, I mean, I know the majority of folks Listen, just by the simple numbers. They're more listeners than viewers. That's when you want to put your eyes on, though, because specifically one scene, Clancy's mom bunny cracks us up with a little bit of a visual that she gives. So,

Clancy Denton  1:41  
yeah, so, you know, this is 50, you know, 50 and fabulous. But I don't know if either one of us are feeling very fabulous at this moment. We've, we've had a physically I don't feel had a jam packed full last few weeks, and so I just put together kind of a picture montage of what all we've been doing. And it's all been super fun, but it's all been exhausting. Yeah, as well. None of

Rick Denton  2:13  
these are complaints. No, no. Every single one of these is a boatload of fun.

Clancy Denton  2:19  
Yeah? Well, I don't know if the last thing we did was a boatload of fun. Well,

Rick Denton  2:24  
let's see. Let's see what your last thing is. So, because

Clancy Denton  2:27  
those of you have known, you know, we've been moving two children into apartments this summer. So anyways, I just so first we started. Yes, this was so much fun. This was our trip to Mexico. Family trip. We went to Puerto Vallarta. It was excellent, very nice, just relaxing. The perfect amount of time. We all got massages. Well, Tanner didn't, but no. E tegan's friend and roommate now came with us too, and so we all got to experience just relaxing in our own ways. It was very, very and this was

Rick Denton  3:01  
the hard rock, Vallarta. So for folks who were wondering what property that was it, it's a recommend. It's a smaller property for the hard rocks, but it is a, it is a thumbs up, recommend. Great service, great food, great drinks, great pool.

Clancy Denton  3:13  
And we had returned there. We'd been there 13 years ago. I can't remember. I did a side by side on Facebook, us on Facebook. But anyway, so yes, this was a great trip. We moved on from there. The night we got home, the next morning, we got up to celebrate my

Rick Denton  3:32  
grandmother, my Nana's 100th birthday. And I think, I think in my mind, I've almost under emphasize that we're talking about 100 years old, and she has great stories every time we go visit her that talks about how long and how much life she has experienced. And this was an absolute blast. It was at her house. And we, I know I was surprised by how many, oh yeah, people showed up. We had the it's a family member, but the fire chief of Round Rock was there, and I asked him, Hey, have we violated some codes? He goes, I'm just not looking. I'm just not looking. Yeah, and

Clancy Denton  4:09  
like you said, we don't think of Nana as 100 because she's still with it. Does her own thing, still lives at her own house. She does have caretakers now, but she's just an incredible lady. And yes, there were stories coming out about you, me, our kids. And I was like, I don't Okay. People were just coming up to me, Oh, your kids, the one that did, I was like, Huh? I don't know.

Rick Denton  4:40  
I guess when you cross 100 all filters are gone.

Clancy Denton  4:44  
So yeah, so we did that, came back, and then you and Tegan left for the drive back to Arizona. And this is a picture, if you're watching of them at Well,

Rick Denton  4:56  
this was us at Carlsbad Caverns National Park. I had done this with Te. Banner when he and I drove out to Tempe a couple years ago. This is a, I would call it an underrated National Park. Those caverns are mind blowingly spectacular. And it's one of those where you're walking down this path to get into it, and you keep saying, Oh, that's cool. Oh my gosh, oh, that's cool. Oh, that's cool. And then you turn the corner to the big room, and it is stunning. So we had a great time. My mom

Clancy Denton  5:25  
did ask me if y'all found my pink blanket.

Rick Denton  5:31  
We did not find your pink blanket at the hotel.

Clancy Denton  5:35  
Cried and cried because I left my pink blanket.

Rick Denton  5:39  
I will say, though that there must have been some inspiration that tea and I definitely checked our room thoroughly before we left to make sure we left nothing in Carlsbad. So

Clancy Denton  5:48  
yes, so y'all made the two day drive. I flew in, and then we got her moved into her apartment, which, again, another child on the third floor, at

Rick Denton  6:02  
least this one's furnished. We didn't have to carry nearly as much heavy furniture upstairs.

Clancy Denton  6:07  
We didn't carry any of Tanner's heavy furniture upstairs. It was all the other stuff, the IKEA bags, the Fair point. Oh, yeah, no. We had to carry plenty and a trip to the storage unit. But she is all moved in. She is so happy. And we'll get into some of the other stuff. This is just a recap of what we've been doing the past three weeks. Next we'll get into what we thought we talked about on,

Rick Denton  6:33  
yeah, the actual main part of the show, it's just, I was telling someone, or, do you is there another one? Or that was it, right? Or do we have

Clancy Denton  6:42  
no because then, ah, Tanner started SMU law school yesterday, and so he sent, yeah, he had orientation, but yesterday was the first day of classes, that's right. And it was two days after we got back, so he sent us the first day of school picture, yes, so Tanner is the one who he loves to send pictures of himself.

Rick Denton  7:07  
Now, I was telling someone I was, I said so over the last three weeks, and I went, I just rattled off these things. But, you know, I went back a few moved a kid into his apartment and went through all these. And I think what gets a lot of folks is when you throw in the oh and the 100th birthday, and then we did the road trip out there, whoa. What 100 so it was a lot, and it was, what a what a great treat to be able to have all that going on. It was those were all really fun. And yes, I know moving her in may not be, quote, fun, but seeing her friends going out to dinner with her friends going out to dinner with her friends parents that we were there, and meeting some of her other friends and parents that was just it's fun. I like being back in that college vibe with them, and

Clancy Denton  7:55  
I love the fact her friends again. We've talked about her friends before, but how awesome they were. I mean, two of them that have been there all summer came over, started helping unpack. Started, it was awesome. Yeah, it was great. So that was very, very nice to have help in moving into the apartment. But so, yeah, so that has been our whirlwind tour the past few weeks. I mean, we really, literally have been, I feel like we've been gone for and we were literally gone for over half of the month of August.

Rick Denton  8:32  
So it was when I went back to my office. It felt weird to be back there, because, one, there's a lot of different people that moved in and different things like that, but to just be back at a place that I hadn't been for two weeks was strange.

Clancy Denton  8:45  
So this is the start of our second season of empty nest. It is life. So I thought, you know, I said, Oh, I remember. And this was episode 21 which is funny, because we talked about, oh, we're 21 we drink now we're 50, so we're old, so we can't

Rick Denton  9:04  
drink anymore, because our bodies won't let us anymore, 

Clancy Denton  9:07  
unless you take pills and help you. 

Rick Denton  9:10  
Brought to you by milk thistle

Clancy Denton  9:13  
I thought it would be fun to go back and read the transcript from that episode and see some it was our January kickoff. You know, we didn't call it resolutions. We called them micro enhancements. Yeah,

Rick Denton  9:29  
Tegan had said she doesn't do resolutions. She set goals. And I had seen an article in The New York Times that talked about micro enhancements, not resolutions. So we

Clancy Denton  9:37  
just thought that we would go back and see how we did, how we're doing so far, because 24 is not over yet. It's true,

Rick Denton  9:44  
but it is the close to our season one.

Clancy Denton  9:49  
And you know the first, the first thing I read in the transcript was I had seen that hashtag, do more in 24 okay, we've done enough in 24 Four, and some of it has not been fun. Do less

Rick Denton  10:03  
than 25 I've got to find something that rhymes with five that is slack and

Clancy Denton  10:08  
no, I don't want to say, do less. I want to say, how about less? Things that were unplanned and things that were not fun to deal with.

Rick Denton  10:21  
I had a kick out of the trans when I was reading it today, as we were thinking about this episode, there was something that I had thought before getting into it, and then we actually said it in the episode, and it was the idea of man plans, God laughs, because we were talking about, I think that was when we're talking about some of the trips we were planning to take and the things that we had things that we had, and there was a little, I forget who it was that said it, but basically saying, you know, we can plan this. We'll just see how the year goes well,

Clancy Denton  10:51  
that. And I even said, you know, when people are like, Oh, 24 is going to be my year. Like you ever say 24 is gonna suck. Well, parts of 24 have sucked. So, you know, it's just it like we had an episode. You know, it was a bummer of a summer, but not all of it was a bummer, because we did just have an awesome end to the summer. But I'm

Rick Denton  11:16  
feeling great now, and I think you are as well. It just there were moments that wasn't quite that way. So, so what were your Well, let

Clancy Denton  11:24  
me first, I wanted to say this wasn't really one of my things, but we did talk about because we had just put our kids on the planes back to Arizona, and I mentioned in the pod, Tanner, happy, awesome. Tegan was crying because she was going back into a horrible situation, which she got out of in February, and this time, I mean, even when we were upstairs packing, she's like, you know, not sad this year, she said, I'm just so excited and so ready, you know, she they went back. They all went back a week before school even starts 11 days before school even starts, because they were so ready to move into their apartment and start living together. And so, man, it just, it's such a difference, because I did not feel heavy this time leaving her, we made the comment, we went out to breakfast, and we were leaving, and she was we said something, and I said, Oh, and look, you're not crying this time. Because it seemed like every time we dropped her off the first part and into the second semester, she'd be crying. So no, I I was just I cried still when I left her, but I'm just very thankful that where she is right now and how things are just different. Well,

Rick Denton  12:52  
as you point out when we recorded that episode, you know, we dropped both kids off at DFW. They were flying out of different gates, out of the same airport at different time to different cities, and yeah, there was a you and I had a heaviness, a trepidation. We we even said it. We knew it was going to work out, and it did. It just hadn't yet. And that was, if you talk about micro enhancers, or just your expectations for 24 that's kind of a lot of the things is we'd had had some hopes, and some worked out, some didn't.

Clancy Denton  13:25  
So you just mentioned it was nice to get back into routine, and we even talked about that in the last episode, because we had just come off holidays, just like we've just come off summer with the children here, we tend to eat out more because they want to go to all of their places that they want to eat, of course, at an all inclusive you know what you do? So it's just been the last three weeks have been not treating our bodies the best. So yes, I felt very good getting back into the gym on Monday, and I know there was a little, you know, because now we kind of, we had a we took a little bit of a hiatus from work things and just just anything mental that we didn't have to think About right then, we kind of took a hiatus from, well,

Rick Denton  14:23  
we kept saying the phrase we kept saying over and over was, once they're back at school, once they're back at school, once they're back at school. And there was actually a little bit of trepidation that I had, and I'm not sure the right word of yeah, now I don't have an excuse anymore. So there's yeah, there's a little bit of Yay, we're back into it. But there's also the Oh, we're back into it. And from an empty nest perspective, what feels different this year as compared to last August was, I know that this is going to be awesome, but in last August, we hoped that it would be. I wasn't so sure that it would be. And. We created the podcast to make sure that it did and we did all sorts of activities. I think what's a risk for us is letting the inertia of, okay, we got it without putting in the same work that we did before, to make sure that it's a great empty nest experience well.

Clancy Denton  15:16  
And again, when you just said, you know, we were so good. And last, at the beginning, we hadn't we went over to Fort Worth. We went to San Antonio. We did this this year. We have a little bit of stuff still on our plate that we have to revolve some things around Austin, things and but I do want us to get back into things for us. Oh, yeah. And, you know, I've

Rick Denton  15:46  
already thought about some things this weekend, so Well, right? Except,

Clancy Denton  15:49  
you know, I already told Tanner we would, oh, he's

Rick Denton  15:52  
gonna blow us off. So

Clancy Denton  15:52  
don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. So that will be interesting having one here.

Rick Denton  15:57  
Yeah, that's how we'll talk about that in another episode, because once we get that experience. So

Clancy Denton  16:01  
yeah, so we've gotten back into routines. So now what? Why don't you do one of yours, and then I'll do one of them. We'll just kind of,

Rick Denton  16:10  
well, let me I'm gonna do actually both, because they're kind of related. They were both very business oriented, and I think that's what was in my head back then. So I'm gonna just answer it with what I'm about to say, No, didn't pull it off. And a lot of that is because I've actually evolved in a different way since that moment. And it shows some of the risk of setting micro enhancers, or whatever it might look like. I had said that I was going to change my business in such a way that it increased the flexibility, because I was going to sell my services in a different way. Well, that came about with nothing. Not a single deal went that direction. Instead, though it's a completely different direction, getting out of experience consulting and going a completely different direction around event podcasting. So I failed at that, but by being willing to be introspective and flexible, I think I'm going to do better in the back half of the year of creating that flexibility for the family. And the second one that I had said in the episode was to have a service oriented mindset in my business objectives. So yes, have business objectives, but in the service of the customer, in the service of others, nope, did a horrible job of it. I still am thinking in numbers of revenue and that sort of stuff, and still have to mentally pivot. And what's been good about this change that I'm describing is that I've asked others for help, and they've called me out on it. That's great that that's what your solution is. So what? What are you doing for the customer? And they've really called me out on it

Clancy Denton  17:47  
well, and when you say that, I even want to take the business part out of it. I would like for you and me to just get more into some service projects. Anyways. I mean, that's, you know, we had talked about doing that with our life group, and then our summer just kind of got blown up, you know, because, but even just you and me, like we have nothing this Saturday, we could go and volunteer somewhere, you know, taking the business part out of it, that's one thing that I agree with

Rick Denton  18:22  
you, it's just I wasn't setting new, new micro enhancers here. I'm just trying to address the micro enhancers that I failed in January.

Clancy Denton  18:32  
No, didn't do it. Move on. 

Rick Denton  18:33  
That's the next episode.

Clancy Denton  18:36  
This is not just a checklist of No, I didn't do that. I want to talk about it anymore.

Rick Denton  18:41  
I was not prepared for new

Clancy Denton  18:48  
I mean, you did, though you said, because you you are changing your business, it's just in a different direction than you thought you were going to be. So you micro enhanced, just in a different way

Rick Denton  18:59  
and and the reality is, it's all in the intention for more flexibility for you and me, because at the time, that was when I was working for a client that had just buried me an inflexibility and so, and this is, this is an empty nest tip for those that have the ability to do so, the more you can Create a work situation that allows that allows that flexibility, that has greatly enhanced our connectivity in the empty nest, because when someone suggests something, it's a lot easier to say yes when the flexibility is there. So those are mine. What did you have?

Clancy Denton  19:38  
Every time I say micro enhancement, it makes me think of micro dosing.

Yeah, maybe we should start that. Okay,

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Rick Denton  19:49  
Okay, although, watching what your cat's doing out of this room, I think he might need some micro dosing. Oh,

Clancy Denton  19:55  
I didn't. I'll get to that in a second. But, okay, so. So macro dosing, one of mine was saying yes more. And I think I already talked about this and and when we were doing our Olympics episode, yeah, and I do, I feel like I've been much better about that, this since

Rick Denton  20:14  
empty nesters, for sure, so and even the second half

Clancy Denton  20:17  
of it, and it's been just easier to do that because, like I said, we have more flexibility. Now I the creativity, creativity part, which is what I'll just say. I've had this idea for a children's book, and I have my little folder downstairs, and I started, and then Did I do anything with it? No. So maybe that will I do want to do that, but I found my creative outlets in other ways, as becoming an interior decorator this. So yeah, I did. And you know, that did take up a bulk of my time this, you know, summer, but I do really, and I don't want, I'm not going to ask you to hold me accountable, because then I get irritated. Yeah,

Rick Denton  21:15  
you asked me to hold you accountable. That worked very poor, so I

Clancy Denton  21:19  
don't think you ever mentioned it?

Rick Denton  21:24  
You know what that is? Let's be fair. That was an exaggeration. It wasn't poorly. It just you're like. It just I don't

Clancy Denton  21:29  
I. That's not how you operate now. So I do, I have that thought, and I do want to really be able to focus on that some way, and it may end up that I ask you to help me, you know, I don't know. So that is still on tap for me. I just need to figure out how to do it. But that being said, we have entered some more creative space with our podcast. We've started the shorts, which I don't know if there'll be one this week or not, since we kind of are cramming everything in, but and I think I've enjoyed those, and I think people have enjoyed those. The views of those have have shown that people are enjoying them so, so that I have found some creative outlets in other ways. You know, I what you were talking about the cat. So right now on our pool table is Tanner's bedding deconstructed because I'm about to paint his room. You know, I feel like I can do that now, because he's out out. It's not like he's

Rick Denton  22:47  
not coming back, yeah, he will be a visitor for holidays or just random weekends. So now

Clancy Denton  22:51  
I feel like I have the liberty to do with his room. What I want to do with it, yeah, so that was that one. So, yes, he was investigating all the bedding. He's climbing a little table in the

Rick Denton  23:05  
bedding right now. It's gonna be incredibly distracted.

Clancy Denton  23:10  
Oh, and then the other one that we did, that I put was that to go closet by closet in this house, which actually Tegan and I did the closet in here, because she was looking for things. And of course, then I just end up cleaning stuff, and she finds stuff and gets distracted by her old diaries and journals and everything. So, but it was still fun. So we did that one. Then we had to clear out some of all of the furniture in the guest room. So I had to go through everything in there, that room looks like a flipping nightmare right now, because everything is just kind of that's become the storage room. So once I get his room put back together, then I can go because that closet is really a nightmare too. So so yes, so I did do some things, and some things I did in different ways.

Rick Denton  24:03  
So, so how can I create micro enhancers for you, like you recreated them for me?

Clancy Denton  24:07  
What are you talking about? I said, What I just wanted? No, I

Rick Denton  24:10  
know that. I was laughing about how you said, Well, no, I want us to serve. Let's take the business. Oh,

Clancy Denton  24:16  
well. I said, Yeah. I said, what I want to do? You just said, Nope, didn't do that.

Rick Denton  24:22  
The Yeah, something that I've done actually at work, and it is I've this is I don't, I don't know if this is an empty nest tip or just an annoying work tip. So if you don't want an annoying work tip, just skip over the next 1530 seconds. It is, I blocked my calendar that this is what I'm doing here. This is what I'm doing here at this and I don't know week to week, because it's okay, I'm gonna edit this podcast and do this interview, and that sort of thing for my other podcast that has created that structure, has created a sense of stability for me in that, okay, this is how it's gonna be. I know that I'm gonna do that, and I don't find myself. Is distracted anymore, and so that may be something that ends up working for you in the book as well, that whenever you feel your most creative, and I don't know what that is, could be, morning could be evening, could be afternoon, that that becomes your book time.

Clancy Denton  25:15  
You know, the problem with that is that I'm very not necessarily, task oriented. But I don't feel like, oh, from three to five, I'm at my most creative. It's, oh, I want to paint his room and get it done. Boom, I started and do it. So it's not task oriented, impulsive oriented, and it is, and that's how I operate, and that's, you know, good or bad, but I could knock this book out if I sat down and probably just did it. It's just, there's other things that I want to do instead.

Rick Denton  25:53  
Did I say this to you? Now I can't remember if I said I either said this to you or to my therapist today that I keep finding myself allowing tasks to get in the way of progress. Yeah, okay, I told George, right? The idea of that I find activities to do because they are things that are necessary to do, but they get in the way of my actual, real progress. But it is more satisfying initially. Check, check, check, I've got that thing done, as opposed to the bigger thing, and that's where some of this blocking is. I like, literally, today there was a 30 minute ponder and plan, and I wasn't allowed to do I shut my computer off and just pondered and planned.

Clancy Denton  26:34  
And I think that's probably going back to routine human nature. I think everybody likes a checklist if you don't have a physical one, yeah, a mental one. You know, Tegan was even asking me, Mom, how do you make your grocery list? And I've talked about this before. I'm still a paper person. I like my paper calendar. I like my paper shopping list. And so I was, you know, showing her how I divided out and everything, and so, you know, speaking of there's a distraction, one of the children is calling. We'll call him back. And now he's calling my phone. Just do not disturb and text through. But my favorite, yeah, favorite so. So anyways, I think I think just That's human nature to like a checklist and like, yeah, I love list. So

would you give me a coffee mug with that on it.

Rick Denton  27:42  
I love lamp. I love lamp. So now we're quoting, oh my gosh. Well, that might be a reasonable I didn't mention all of the micro enhancers that I said on the the episode early. Add two others, and I have succeeded wildly. I'm not making this up. You can go back and listen to episode 21 I had two others, and they were to eat fried stuff with cheese and drink more beer and bourbon. And I have succeeded,

yes, especially

over the last three weeks.

Clancy Denton  28:19  
I know I was so glad. I think my body last night, like my face is broken out. It's like, what have you been doing?

Rick Denton  28:27  
That pout acasia, though, my gosh, I could fried stuff with cheese.

Clancy Denton  28:31  
So anyways, but I do have a text. It's in the form of a picture this week, I do want to try to get back into that, because I know I enjoy those, and people enjoy those. When they were living here, it was kind of hard they were really texting. But yes, I think between 730 and eight last night. No, it must have been 830 and nine. I think I had 12 texts from Tegan about cooking dinner, because the child can cook, if she has a recipe to follow, she can figure certain things out. But the thing she was making is something that I make. Well, it's not a recipe. So anyway, so she was texting me, and then she sent me a picture of her dinner, and I was very proud of her, and she was very proud of herself. So be proud. Meal, yeah, so it's, it's nothing crazy, crazy. It's turkey sausage, beans and rice. So this makes me hungry. And she did put some strawberries on the side that child. I don't have to worry about the fruits and veggies, but so yeah. So she was very proud of herself, and I told her before, I said, just text me. You know, they have every pot and pan in the world, but none of them know how to cook. So I'm sure there's going to be a lot of texts coming in, but I'm happy to I told her, because I did a few other things. Her while we were there looking for stuff, and I said, Look, I said, I'm happy to help you when I can and when you'll let me. So that's always gonna be the case. So, so there you go. So there was our

Rick Denton  30:13  
See, you mostly succeeded. There's one area that you want to do better, and I completely failed, and just not doing anything other than getting fat and drinking

more. So 

Clancy Denton  30:23  
that's great,

Rick Denton  30:23  
but I

Clancy Denton  30:24  
take that you're not drinking more. It just was compacted into vacation and celebration. Sometimes

Rick Denton  30:32  
it's just fun to joke. But you know what I can say, and that is as we start this season two of the loud quiet, as we start our sophomore year of being empty nesters, and we already did it through the Olympics. I think we succeeded as empty nesters now, God willing, there's many more years, and just like the first year of a honeymoon, year of a marriage, can not necessarily indicate what the later, latter years are going to be like. I know that having that first year of success gives me a great confidence of what the future years are going to look like if we put the same level of work into us, huh? Yeah, in spite of maybe not doing so well in the migrant enhancers, I'm looking I think we did well in the empty nest, and I'm looking forward to what we're going to do next year. And

Clancy Denton  31:15  
I agree, and I you know, like you said this time last year we were a little, I don't know, still raw and that kind of thing, you know, I totally miss that the kids are not under our house. But yes, I was kind of like, okay, now we can get back to, you know, just us for a little bit. So, yeah, here we are. So here we go. Episode 50. We should have had some glasses of champagne or something up here, but I don't want any more champagne. We don't like champagne anyway, so

Rick Denton  31:48  
we'll have some of that really, really bad, non alcoholic whiskey that we had last night.

Clancy Denton  31:54  
I don't even like alcoholic whiskey, so I definitely don't want the gross, not good. All right. Well, there you go. Thanks for joining us again on an episode of The loud quiet living the empty nest.

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