Empty Nest Olympics - Going For Gold E48

Rick Denton  0:00  
The only reason I'm not saying gold is because look, there's always room to improve.

Clancy Denton  0:04  
Now say I'm, I'm gonna give gold, but we didn't set the world record. This is the loud, quiet, living the empty nest, everybody.

Rick Denton  0:14  
Welcome back to the loud quiet. This is episode 48. And before we get into the topic of today, I just want to actually say thank you. That short that we put out last week, there was a lot of action on that and not that we're about the vanity metrics about downloads or views. It's just nice to see that folks are engaging with it and agreeing or disagreeing with the things that we might be talking about. And that's the community that we are looking to build here with the loud quiet is not only the things that we might say or the the life that we live in sharing it on the mic. It's also about learning from the wider group of folks that are out there that are empty nesters as well are those that are about to be or those that have no aspirations to be anytime soon.

Clancy Denton  1:01  
Yeah, we were we were shocked and surprised at the amount of views that we got on that last short and episode. So

Rick Denton  1:14  
it's because we positively manifest.

Clancy Denton  1:18  
And I hope you all are enjoying the shorts. That's something that we've the little teasers as I call it when I'm putting them out there. But that's just something that we started and are liking what it's shown just to get our page more visible and podcast more visible and

Rick Denton  1:35  
and it's a place for folks to reinforce this point. It's a place for y'all to comment back, especially those of you that are listening just to the audio only realize this is sitting on YouTube as a just regular YouTube channel, but it's technically YouTube short. It's also available on Instagram. And Facebook, I believe is where you've been placing it as I look to my social media manager.

Clancy Denton  1:58  
But we you know, we we obviously hear a lot of word of mouth feedback. But yes, we'd love for you all to comment on our posts and that kind of thing, even if you disagree.

Rick Denton  2:12  
And that's fine, too. Yes.

Clancy Denton  2:13  
Just don't don't become trolls and make ugly statements. But disagreement is fine. That's right.

Rick Denton  2:21  
Disagree with courtesy, with dignity. We

Clancy Denton  2:25  
thought we'd today do unless you are don't have a TV or don't have access to a phone or down it is the Olympics right now.

Rick Denton  2:37  
Opening Ceremony two days ago from the recording. I know the release will be about a week.

Clancy Denton  2:41  
And again, it well, we'll get into some of this. But it was I really, I mean, Celine Dion was amazing. That was just an amazing that should have made everyone feel very good about if

Rick Denton  2:58  
someone doesn't know the story. This is obviously Celine Dion, I will not explain who she is go Google it if you really don't know the name. She has been suffering from a disease that I can't remember the official name of it. But it's diff prices and stuff potty disease. And this was her first public performance since that diagnosis, took her off the stage. And it was it was a powerful one. And she's got great pipes, as one would expect. But even just her physical passion and what she was delivering on stage was spectacular. Yeah,

Clancy Denton  3:27  
it was really good. So we thought that we would do an empty nest version of the Olympics. And we're not going to the track. This is not physical activity, or feats of strength. No, this is categories that we thought that we would bring into. And now that we've been doing this for it'll be almost a year, it'll be a year and a few weeks. Just to give ourselves some grades. You know what, see how we have meddled on some of these categories. You

Rick Denton  4:02  
weren't even invited to the Olympics, categories, or we may not

Clancy Denton  4:05  
have even made it to the podium or gotten on the plane.

Rick Denton  4:09  
Well, yeah, there may be a lot of folks that didn't yet know. But that's a different story.

Clancy Denton  4:13  
So so we just thought that that would be a fun little take on the empty nest Olympics. So

Rick Denton  4:19  
what are these empty nest? elevens? Well, we won't go through all that. We'll go through them one at a time. So first one

Clancy Denton  4:24  
so the first category is maintaining friendships and making new friends. All right.

Rick Denton  4:31  
How would you how did you metal we're not metal Clancy Well,

Clancy Denton  4:35  
maintaining the friendships I've already established. Nothing in that area has changed. It's all been smooth sailing. And that's what I was even Friday night after we got back from car shopping and being out with Tanner. You know, we throw text our neighbors Hey, y'all home come over and they came over and we watched the opening. ceremonies together. So maintaining the friendships that I already have. I would give myself a gold medal. Gold Medal. Yes, the making flag

Rick Denton  5:12  
is being risen. The empty nest at the Olympic game

Clancy Denton  5:16  
is playing, making new friends. I mean, we're both kind of making new friends together. So I'll give my own. Yeah. So this one, this one needs some work and cultivation, which towel making new friends are, you know, we've got a couple of new groups that were, excuse me getting more involved with. So hopefully, over time, those will allow me to be on the podium. I don't feel like I'm on the podium in this category.

Rick Denton  5:54  
So. So yeah, maintaining friendships, when I think of specifically, the neighborhood, relationships that you're describing there. Yeah, I go silver, silver, because I may not be the most active. As far as the outreach, I think about it, sometimes I delegate it through you, Hey, have you reached out to them or those kinds of things? i

Clancy Denton  6:15  
That's a man. And that's also Yeah, but even I know the

Rick Denton  6:20  
before it'd be throwing a text, the guys, hey, let's go sit on the porch and drink a bourbon or something like that. Some of it is simply and this is an excuse. This is not a reason, like it's not justifiable, but it's, oh, I just, I just don't feel like it, oh, I'm just tired, or I don't want to I kind of like, that's the kind of thing I think that I could really fall into in the empty nest of, I'm quite comfortable being alone, that I just have, I'm comfortable being alone. And there are so many. And in fact, another study this week, coming out that talked about how age and friendships inside of age are a more significant factor than things like smoking, or eating, or those sorts of things when it comes to longetivity. So there's a little bit of yeah, maybe force and remind myself of No, hit the text out there for those friendships. And

Clancy Denton  7:11  
that's, you know, you think of summer as being a more laid back, more available time. That's just how you think of it. But the summer has been really crazy busy for us, with everything, you know, we just have lots of moving parts going on. And so I think some of that adds a factor too. And, you know, we've also talked about our friends, mainly that we have, were because of our kids. Well, now we don't have the kids here to introduce us to you, I we have met some of Tanner's friends, parents from college, we have not met any of T guns. And so it's just such

Rick Denton  8:05  
a geographic dispersement that those weren't. And so on the making new friends, I'm glad that you alluded to Life Group, because otherwise, I would have said that I didn't even know that was an event. Like if I were actually categorizing myself, not that I wasn't even on the plane, I'd be one that was like, oh, that's in the Olympics, I can do that kind of thing. Although, I have to be reminded the fact that you and I specifically chose to, to see if we could facilitate an emptiness group at our church, and that has proven some new relationships that have been very valuable. So I will say that I'm in training. But there's nowhere near the metal stand for me on the making new friends. And

Clancy Denton  8:46  
I think about you should think about church as being a place that you can meet new people. Similar mindsets, not always but similar. But you know, I feel like sometimes it's the hardest places to break into. And we've even experienced that this summer. When you offer to help in another area, and we're flat out told we don't need your help.

Rick Denton  9:15  
To be fair. Now, just to be fair to the church itself. That was a voice of someone who was just a layman leading a group not had nothing. It was not directly church driven. I just want to defend them. And that your point though, is still I wonder, here's what I wonder about that one. Your point is right fact it has been difficult to break into new relationships as we are older inside a church because we haven't done it elsewhere. Is that just is that church or is that just the nature of relationships at this age? If we were trying to do that through a Film Studies Group or if we were trying to do that through a is it more age or is it I

Clancy Denton  9:58  
don't know if it even has to do Without I think one of the things that stumped our relationship growth in churches is because we did switch churches several times.

Rick Denton  10:15  
And I don't regret any of those choices to aid our kids faith. I know exactly. I'd sacrifice our friendships for our kids faith development,

Clancy Denton  10:23  
you know, but I look at my parents, their entire friend group is revolved around church now, they, you know, have maintained relationships with work friends, too. But their core group is their church for people that they have known for years, you

Rick Denton  10:41  
know, we did we did an episode about friends, the very beginning and I made even if I fight, I may put it in the show notes. If y'all want to go look at those. I think we're due for another one. And another one, we deep dive on this because one, we could consume the whole episode, we got some other events to get to, right. There's a lot to this that we know more now, after having been in this world for a year that we didn't know then.

Clancy Denton  11:06  
And I think, you know, we'll just drop a little teaser. We are gonna have some special guests on next week's episode, recording next week, and so we can talk to them about this subject. So, So, alright,

Rick Denton  11:25  
so I got a silver and I've heard

Clancy Denton  11:30  
All right, moving on. Okay, planning and executing. So I did planning and executing dates and trips.

Rick Denton  11:40  
All right, how about I go first. But I'm doing this sort of real time I know, we talked about these, but I kind of decided to go improv here. I'm not going to go gold, for sure. And there's a time component to this to that. I think that I could argue silver at a certain phase over the last year and I might have slipped to bronze or even did not metal if we looked over the last three months. So I'm going to go with a longer time span just to make it sound better. And I'd go with silver but where I fall short on this is I might have ideas. But a lot of times my ideas fall into a rut and they are hey let's go to dinner that is very frequently my planning and executing dates. Where I'm actually gold or hyper gold is thinking about trips, man, I've spent so much time looking at big sky or looking at the Caymans or Tahiti or ha How do you get to Nepal right so planning but executing on that's

Clancy Denton  12:44  
not planning that's thinking I know but thinking is not up here judge

Rick Denton  12:49  
just disqualified me.

Clancy Denton  12:51  
I just gave you the way I got a DQ the flag was raised out of bounds

Rick Denton  12:59  
so I think actually depending on perspective silver or bronze in this one yeah silver bronze.

Clancy Denton  13:08  
I think we started off cool heck yeah really really well really strong we started off we were out in front of of everyone else behind us but because when we did we were and I think we were trying to forcibly fill the weekends after

Rick Denton  13:30  
that sounds negative though I think that was the right choice though. Forcibly right?

Clancy Denton  13:33  
No, I'm not saying that is a negative I'm saying I think we we were intentionally trying to fill the weekends because we did not have her at home to keep us entertained so I think we did really really well at the beginning we even threw a trip in there at the very beginning. So yes, I agree we we started off strong but as the I felt like towards the end of our first before she came back I felt like everything was Arizona or Austin all we did which in that was that was

Rick Denton  14:17  
nobody agree with you?

Clancy Denton  14:19  
You don't need a defense I agree with

Rick Denton  14:20  
you and it was right at no not right. It just was reality

Clancy Denton  14:24  
doesn't have to be that so and I mean I think I spoke to this last week when you know I've gotten more impromptu Okay, yeah, let's go do this. I've gotten more off of my rigidness of doing that kind of stuff and I love to go I love to go out to dinner. I love it when I don't have to cook there were many nights this week that I wish I didn't have to come back after being out all day with Tanner but so yeah, so I think what would you metal there's room for improvement at Well, like I said I would have started off as silver or gold but I I think we've I think, okay, I guess I think I've slipped off the podium a little bit and need to get back into the groove. And we keep saying this. But after the kids get settled after the kids get settled. I don't know if we're using that as an excuse, but I just can't think about my brain capacity is already consumed with everything I do since I'm ready. So I think that once they are settled again, I think we'll get that. And this

Rick Denton  15:39  
is I sincerely believe this is unique summer and so we'll see. Okay, folks, check in with us hold us accountable. Two months from now, where are we on the podium? Because Tanner will be in his apartment at law school to visit even breathe. And we're going to be at Arizona. And

Clancy Denton  15:52  
I think also, I think the change of seasons sometimes gives you that little Oh, something new and let's refresh and let's,

Rick Denton  16:03  
I think you're very much more in tune to that than I am.

Clancy Denton  16:06  
Now, I was actually thinking yesterday. I love I like, summer. I don't have it. I like every season. I don't love being cold, but we have not where we live. We don't have super, super cold winters. But I like I think our bodies are just ready for something different and ready for a change. So there you go. All right. Next, discovering new hobbies won't walk. Well, your first this is one that I Yes. I didn't even qualify for the team. I'm sitting at home watching everyone else do their new hobbies. We talked about it. But we did not do anything with it. Like the pickleball set is still sitting in the closet somewhere. The I mean, really? Now. i Okay. Yeah. This was a hobby, huh? So hey, okay. Okay, so we did, I am. So I misspoke. Yes. On this, we get a gold medal, we get two gold medals.

Rick Denton  17:30  
So maybe it's because of the way you phrase it discovering new hobbies.

Clancy Denton  17:35  
We did hobby. And we knocked it out of the park. If I know if I can say that.

Rick Denton  17:40  
Well, I think our listeners and viewers will be the judge of that. But I know that when it comes to our original goal of this hobby of that being something that connected us as a couple, by all means this is a gold medal. When it comes to a variety that to say that I didn't qualify for the team would imply that I was actually doing something to even attempt to be on the team. Yeah, I read the equipment. So you, you get that I get that. Oh, I didn't know that was an event. So and this may be one that instead of judging ourselves so harshly about Oh, we didn't metal for discovering new hobbies? Well, maybe it is that plural aspect of it, that kind of busyness is what can get you, not you, Clancy the general you in trouble, as opposed to focusing on something and going after that something?

Clancy Denton  18:37  
All right. Well, again, I didn't even think about this as being a hobby, but that's what it started. And so what

Rick Denton  18:46  
I like about that, and I don't know that anybody else can pick up on that is, you saw my face, that shows 12 years of marriage, you saw my face and knew what I

Clancy Denton  18:56  
because I had the thought just as I said it, and then yes, you. So there you go. All right, next, communicating with each other. I guess you start on this, you know, the

Rick Denton  19:08  
only reason that I don't want to give us a goal is because we're not perfect. So I'm gonna go with silver because there is room for improvement. Just in life, there always is a way to do things better. So that's the only reason I'm doing that. It's kind of like on a scale of one to 10 Choosing a nine kind of thing. This podcast specifically has generated so many elements of forcing us into conversations about topics that aren't just surface topics. And what I found interesting is we've had other kind of it doesn't happen all the time, but we've had topics about non kids non social, you just something that you have read or that I've seen in a newspaper or discussing how do we make this better just that we've grown in the topics that we do topic to talk about that are more like what we used to talk about when we were in dating and didn't have things like kids or family obligations or those sorts of things. So the only reason I'm not saying gold is because, look, there's always room to improve.

Clancy Denton  20:13  
Now say, I'm, I'm gonna give gold, but we didn't set the world record. So ah, okay,

Rick Denton  20:21  
I will now change. I like that. Okay.

Clancy Denton  20:25  
Yeah. Because I do think that we, and that's something scary for people who their kids are the only thing that they talk about? or have anything in common with each other about so no, I, I'm very pleased with how our communication has been over the past year. And like you said, we we can just, we can just sit down and talk to each other. As shown on the last 48 episodes of will buy it.

Rick Denton  21:02  
Let's stop talking to them. First of all, I love that you said that right? Hey, yeah, it's a gold just not the world record fine. Because there's room for improvement. I like that. That's actually quite brilliant. Nice job. The, I want to ask the question, Why? Why do you think that we would give ourselves gold not evaluating? Maybe the question is, how have we come to a place that we can give each other gold?

Clancy Denton  21:24  
Because I think we, I totally have this answer. And we've talked about it before, we were very, very intentional and good about over the years of our marriage. And especially after we have kids carving out time for each other. We were very fortunate. And again, we've talked about it to have parents that were willing to take our children so that we could have adult alone time. We were also very good about after they went to bed. We put them to bed early so that we could have time. I just think we and I'm not saying that we're like the most awesome people. But that was very important to us. And has always been very important to us. And so I think that helped us transition into this new phase without a lot of hurdles to jump over. See there. I throw it back to the Olympics again heard. I am on fire this morning. And we were read right in blue and didn't even play on.

Rick Denton  22:34  
Oh my gosh, yes, you are on fire. You're amazing.

Clancy Denton  22:37  
But I think we are both also people that our social, when we want to be we know how to talk. We're talkers. We're not real. clam up people. So I think that just probably helps to communicate. Yeah,

Rick Denton  23:03  
here I am claiming up because I'm just thinking about it. And that sort of thing. I think I think you're right. I think the areas that are the ones that will help us get to the world record are the ones that you know, where there are topics that are more conflict written there are topics that are more difficult to have. Those are ones that and I'm not saying we're bad at it, but like every couple probably can do better with some of

Clancy Denton  23:26  
those and I think over age on time, we've gotten better better at broaching those difficult topics. i You were talking about being able to talk about other things outside of kids and that kind of thing. But I think and we talked about this too in another episode that it does feel like the summer has been all kid and Austin focused on you even realized yesterday. I haven't even really gotten text from you know, week or so. Which is probably the longest amount of time that it's been so I feel like we're getting back to where we have a little breathing room with some of our topics. Yeah. So I thought you had something else

Rick Denton  24:13  
I do not have something to say I have not communicated

Clancy Denton  24:17  
communicated with your face but

Rick Denton  24:19  
my face was let's go to the next event.

Clancy Denton  24:22  
All right, thinking and talking about our future. This one we have never had an issue with you started doing this from the time we met.

Rick Denton  24:34  
I because I can only be the couple that we are. I can't compare it. I can't imagine being a part of a couple that doesn't do this. Well And to your point of this is how it's always been so for me, I think that this is absolutely go gold metal. For me. I think that we are certainly have nailed the Olympic record and possibly have tapped the world. And a lot of it is because Well, let me just stay inside me for a second because I think it's way but I'm just still gonna go I, I think we enjoy like this is, this is where the fun is. This is where when life is in a drudgery moment, thinking about what it could look like thinking about what that not that we're going into Paul, but that trip to Nepal looks like or what it looks like to do the Overwater Bungalows, and I think a lot of about our future, in my mind has been travel related. And what is actually this phase of life that we're in now the empty nest, what does that look like? And how can we make this awesome. That's why I feel like we've always talked think, thinks about thought about and talked about our future, I

Clancy Denton  25:38  
think we and I'd be interested to see, I enjoy. I'm not trying to take this down that path. But I do enjoy the astrological signs, I just think it's interesting to read how and we both happen to be of the same one. And I think that some of that we're dreamers, we like to think about what could be and what could and it may not always be tangible to get there. But we still enjoy thinking about and dreaming about those kinds of things. I mean, I still remember like, every year when we would go out for our anniversary, we would have that. Okay, where do you see us and so many years. And, you know, I feel like a lot of this stuff has manifested, and some of it has not, but I feel like we're at a good place right now just in life in general. And so now some of these dreams can start to become realities. If we had

Rick Denton  26:49  
what you said there about how a dream? Maybe it wasn't something that could be reality. That's part of this thinking and talking about our future? I would, yes, part of this episode is us doing this. It's also these are five tips for relationships. That's the point of why we're doing this is overshoot what is possible, because by dreaming huge, one, you might get it. And if you don't, you're still going to be just slightly sub huge. And how awesome is that. And so I think a lot of those fantasies that we might have put in our future dreams have allowed us to experience a greatness inside of the reality that may not have hit that fantasy. But it's still really, really awesome.

Clancy Denton  27:30  
And I hope that we have instilled that in our children as well. I know one of our children is very much alive, I'm going to do this. And I'm and and doesn't even say it, I want to be able to do this, it's I'm going to do this. And so I do hope that we have instilled the and this goes back to our manifesting optimism conversation last week that if there's something out there in your future that you think and dream about, then there are ways that you can make it happen. Yeah.

Rick Denton  28:12  
And without that dream, there won't be the excitement, to then generate the energy to put the physical motion in place to create that tangible result that

Clancy Denton  28:28  
you're seeking. Yeah. And I think you can have goals versus dreams. Oh, yeah. Because like you were saying goals could be here. But dreams are above the goal. And so I just, I'm kind of glad we're ending on this one. Because I think this one, and I know we do have some younger listeners who are not empty nesters. This would be my one of my biggest tips to that age group category, even our own children is where do that do that exercise? Where do you see yourself in five years? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? What type of things do you feel like you want to do and dream and think about the future.

Rick Denton  29:15  
And in doing that, it tells you a little bit about the person that you're choosing to do life with? That it's not just about what one what you might achieve. It's about learning who you're sharing life with. And even if your dreams are, well, if they're divergent, then you're going to have to figure that out. But if they're complementary Lee, who is that a word complementary ly different, then that's something that you can kind of bridge that gap together. If they're wildly divergent, well, then that's get into therapy and figuring that out. Oh, I can't wait to have kids. I never want to have kids. Well, those kinds

Clancy Denton  29:51  
of those should be things discussed before you get into a deep relationship with someone and that's just

Rick Denton  29:57  
the exaggeration to make the point. It's but it was but it really was less about, okay, what will happen in 10 years? But rather, who is this person that we're sharing a nice dinner celebrating the last year of life together? And who is she? And what does she want to be? And

Clancy Denton  30:15  
and you know, I don't? You just said something that made me think of, it doesn't have to necessarily be couples. You know, our kids? Oh, yeah, have roommates, you know, Tegan is already talking about things that they want to do and want to do. So. It's interesting that that flows into other areas of your life too. If we are continuing down the going into business patch together, that is something that we have been discussing and talking about, and now we're starting to ready to be ready to implement some of those things. So

Rick Denton  30:48  
including the purchase of the world's most ridiculous stripe.

Clancy Denton  30:55  
That was the Olympic gold trifle.

Rick Denton  31:00  
I won't be going back. Hey, dude, I don't know that you have this plan. But no, we're about to wrap up here. I'd like to go through all five of these events, or however many I think was five, right? I'm just here, not because these were events to think about. But these are relationship tips. And so let's go through all five here.

Clancy Denton  31:17  
And I think what I'll do this week, too. If you've noticed, we've started adding a little bit more to our social media. I'll, I'll post these. Actually, I could do one a day. So that's a good idea. Okay, so we will go back through. So the first one was meant maintaining friendships and making new friends. Okay. So again, we decided we need to stop help. On the second one, you need help on the first one.

Rick Denton  31:46  
I really just wanted to go through the list here not to reevaluate, but let's just judge me.

Clancy Denton  31:52  
I said myself, planning and executing dates and trips, discovering new hobbies, communicating with each other, thinking and talking about our future, which I

Rick Denton  32:06  
agree with you, I'm glad you close with that, that is so vital, all of them are vital. But without that vision, and without that kind of excitement and hope. Then you're wondering, What am I doing here?

Clancy Denton  32:18  
And there's other ones that I as I was, as I was just going through that list, you know, I was kind of equating some of them to love languages. And you know, so there's some maybe we should do maybe we should do that as an episode. Check in on our, the different categories of Love Languages and see how how that's going. So

Rick Denton  32:40  
high risk, high reward. This could be the last episode. This was so the Olympic version today. All right. Well, this was

Clancy Denton  32:53  
I everyone can go back to watching the real Olympians. Yes. The ones

Rick Denton  32:57  
that are actually incredibly fit. And even the ones well, this is so much of it. Even the ones that just don't have a really great Olympics. You still think about but

Clancy Denton  33:09  
they made it to the Olympics. Yeah. So yeah. Thanks for joining us on another episode of the loud quiet. Live in the empty nest.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai