Retraining Our Empty Nest Brain - E43

Clancy Denton  0:00  
Welcome to the loud quiet. Ooh, empty nester. Okay. What does that mean?

Rick Denton  0:06  
I think that actually probably is the theme of the empty nest. What are we doing? Let's do this. Let's do this thing. is this Recording. yes Okay,

Clancy Denton  0:15  
great. sans, children just us. We need a tissue box up here. Follow along on our journey and maybe you know we can learn from others.

Rick Denton  0:23  
I don't have a clue how to be empty nesters.

Clancy Denton  0:25  
This is the loud quiet, living the empty nest. Hey guys, welcome back episode 43. We were trying to remember which one we're on. I have to go back on Facebook and check every time or notes or something.

Rick Denton  0:39  
Well, you know that once the numbers get above the digits on our hand, it's hard to keep things straight. Yeah, that point so. So

Clancy Denton  0:45  
yeah. So welcome back to the law quiet again, thank you for listening. And just keep listening, watching.

Rick Denton  0:54  
Please do that. And I want to say something here. There's something weird that happened last week. Our views went up a percentage that I can't calculate because it's more than I have fingers like a shocking amount. So I want to say thank you, for those of you that are sharing this with your friends, you're now part of a community that is actually starting to grow a little bit. And that's been fun for us. Keep in mind that I will say it almost every time when I talk about growth. Our goal was to stay connected with each other if folks want to join for the ride Great. Folks want to share their stories with us even better. But there's there's something brewing here and those of you that are part of the the loud, quiet, emptiness, community or just kind of enjoy it. Thanks. And thank you for letting folks know. We'll see where this goes. And for those of you that are oh geez, that that'd be kind of fun.

Clancy Denton  1:41  
I mean, I know we're super entertaining. So well. You make me laugh.

Rick Denton  1:47  
And Lord knows I make you laugh. Sometimes it's more apt than with but that's okay. That goes both ways. So let's talk about this episode, because I did do a bit of a derail there. But that is something that just surprised me. It was kind of enjoyable to see. This episode was not planned, as a lot of our episodes are not planned. Well, that's because what we're going to talk about today was not planned. And one of the good things about being in the empty nest is exactly we've talked about that empty nest, impulsiveness. Well, I feel like we kind of executed the empty nest impulsiveness to a pretty strong degree.

Clancy Denton  2:24  
Well, and let's say was not planned. Sometimes that has a negative because we've had a lot of things happen this summer that were not planned. Oh, good point. This one was a positive agree point not planned. This was

Rick Denton  2:38  
an improv. This was impromptu. It was delightful. delightfully. So.

Clancy Denton  2:42  
So I think I think we might have mentioned last week on our episode that you know, Tanner's birthday was last Wednesday. And this was going to be another we've only been away from him on one birthday bet he's still been here before or after for us to celebrate. So I had already put it to bed. I'd already put it on the shelf, like we talked about last week that we weren't going to be able to be with him on his birthday. I had already told him. He had huge plans on the weekend. That's actually that last night, which we haven't heard about how that went. But on his actual birthday, he had planned a dinner with a few with, I think there were about six of them that ended up I said, Okay, you know, put that on us. We'll pay for it. It's your birthday dinner.

Rick Denton  3:38  
We're sort of virtual. We are a credit card.

Clancy Denton  3:41  
I sent him an insomnia cookie cake. Here's the little side note. And, you know, yes, we'll take a sponsorship from insomnia. Because Ashley and I actually looked up to see where the locations were around here if you have a college student or any person, but they tend to be around college campuses, hence the name. Yeah. And their cookies are great. Their ice cream is even good. But they are the best. I mean, I ordered a cookie cake. And it was to him within 20 minutes. So there's a little plug for insomnia. If it's near your college campus, your students college campus, use them. They're good and it's all through an app and it's all very well done. So if

Rick Denton  4:29  
your kid is looking at schools, make sure they look at schools that are near and at somebody and I

Clancy Denton  4:33  
view I've used them for you know, when great things have happened sometimes not so great things have happened. So they are a good company. Now, let's

Rick Denton  4:45  
not say any more until they actually do sponsor anymore. We just liked our cookies.

Clancy Denton  4:51  
So there you go. Little plug. So yeah,

Rick Denton  4:54  
so there was a part of that, that we were like, okay, yeah, I mean, the kids 22 Right. You know, it's simple. went, I always think of it in the reverse. Our parents don't come with us on every one of our birthdays on the day, that sort of stuff. And we even talked about, you know, for let's get out there, we could do it, but he's gonna be back in a couple of weeks. And so we decided, like you said, No, we're not going to be a part of it, put it on the shelf. Why?

Clancy Denton  5:17  
Because Okay, wait, let's say the first time that you had brought it to me, and you said, Hey, he's gonna be out there. Why don't we go? That was when he originally thought he was coming home right after his birthday. So we're gonna celebrate out there. Yeah. But then things got changed. And I will say going back to our families didn't, you know, do that kind of stuff. One, my birthday always fell on spring break. So everybody was always gone. Or I was on a trip somewhere with people. But I am huge on birthdays, like, I am a big. I celebrate them. There. That's, that's my thing. I started that when they were little. And so like I said, I had already come to terms that I was not going to be with him. And I tried to do everything to make it make it nice for him. So yes. And then. Then Thursday? Well, Thursday.

Rick Denton  6:19  
Yeah. But I'd sent something even before Thursday. So some of Thursday, was not the first time there was a little bit of sense of this isn't quite what we want. But we've accepted that I you know, when you've been married for 24 years, you kind of pick up on somebody's signals, even if they don't necessarily pick up on them themselves. And it was clear that it was not a delightful treat for you to be away for him. And let's not talk about you exclusively. I didn't like it either. And so, yeah, that started, huh, what, what, what's, what's out there?

Clancy Denton  6:53  
You started and you started talking to me about it earlier, and I was like, I can't I have. Okay, I have Botox on this day. Well, I'll put it on the show. Again, there's another plug for Botox. It works.

Rick Denton  7:07  
Okay. The title, sponsorship without pay. It's

Clancy Denton  7:11  
working. If contour Med Spa. Oh, my gosh.

Rick Denton  7:16  
We're stopping. Carry on. You had a lot of Botox.

Clancy Denton  7:20  
Tegan was getting a facial and she likes me to go with her when she gets her facial on Thursday. So I said

Rick Denton  7:27  
I can't and you also had friends. Like you had dinner plans? Yeah. That was

Clancy Denton  7:31  
got changed. But yeah, right. So it's like, I can't, we can't. And then on Thursday morning, you sent me this text. This is I don't remember what

Rick Denton  7:45  
the textbook is for me. But because I had sent you something I've learned I've learned a little bit in working with you. And that is, you know, maybe sometimes not always the direct request. But I just wanted to get your thoughts on something. And I want to see how impulsive and flexible you might want to be when it comes to getting your Phoenix. Let that be a tease. And I'll tell you more when we drive home because we were actually having to drive home together because of a car in the shop. So just want to say how impulsive and flexible you were. And it was because well, through a series of items that probably we'll make it into an episode of Top 10 trips for empty nesters when it comes to travel. I found some ways for us to actually get out there even even some wackadoodle ones that we discarded. Yeah, well, let's drive to Tyler and fly from there. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  8:34  
So yeah, so this was you sent me this? You know, you picked me up at like a I guess I don't know. You dropped my No, no.

Rick Denton  8:43  
I dropped you off somewhere in the morning and probably got you around 1130. So

Clancy Denton  8:51  
yeah, so you came home and quoting a friend or Seinfeld do your little magic thing.

Rick Denton  8:59  
Yeah, so I don't know how much of the details but it was. I'll say it quickly. I was able to find that by using my Amex points to transfer them to a Vyas, which is a membership program to then transferred to Qatar Airways one of the Middle Eastern Airlines to then book space on an American Airlines flight from DFW to Phoenix we were able to fly from DFW to Phoenix and and I don't know if this is what you're about to say, even fly first class for less than what the miles were now, Mystic

Clancy Denton  9:30  
wasn't gonna say that but what I was gonna say is when you were telling Tanner what you did to get he was like, That is the kind of thing I need to learn how to do. For those of you who don't know Rick, or haven't known Rick for a long time, he is the king of figuring out how to get places how to do it the right way how to use the system. So yes, he's very A

Rick Denton  10:00  
loyalty programs have become very, very hard to use airlines love for you to earn miles. They don't like it when you use them or make it as expensive to do so as possible. So there's a game here, which is, hey, if anybody wants to hit me up Sure, I'll tell you about the test. But this was a this was some gymnastics to get through. And yeah, it is. It is comical that doing that ended up costing us less and points to fly first class than it would have been to book American economy even though we were flying on an American flight. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  10:30  
And I will say first class domestic is not

Rick Denton  10:35  
Yeah, before anybody gets excited. meal service was what you

Clancy Denton  10:40  
would use your basket. Do you want skinny pop or a bag of cookies?

Rick Denton  10:44  
It was it was the equivalent of a vending machine without having to use $1.

Clancy Denton  10:49  
So it was nice. We it got us out there. But you know, and again, it was it felt a little more like, Okay, we are back in the MPs because because we have another child, but she's 19. She has a job, she's can take care of herself. She has no issues being by herself here. Although when we did tell her, Hey, we are going to just try to go do a quick trip. And she said, Mom, we were supposed to go do our sandwich place on Friday. And I was like, I felt really bad. So we took her out to dinner Thursday night, because I was like, I know we're not going to be around on your day off. So we'll take you to dinner and

Rick Denton  11:30  
food is love food as

Clancy Denton  11:33  
hay and our family.

Rick Denton  11:37  
It actually, that phrase was uttered inside of my mom's Memorial. So it's real. It

Clancy Denton  11:41  
is amazing. That we all don't wait for 100

Rick Denton  11:45  
exercise is the is because, yeah, as much as we love it. So you're right, there was that. But let's talk about the impulsiveness. Right. It was we're talking about Thursday at I bet I didn't ebook them until Thursday at two o'clock. We were on a plane. Friday at two o'clock.

Clancy Denton  12:03  
Well, and yes, we were texting Tanner because I needed to make sure did he already have planned a Friday night reason to go out. And then you know, he didn't he had plans on Saturday, which we knew about. So that's why we came back. Early Saturday. There was no this was not a trip to see Phoenix, this was a trip to see Tanner, which we didn't get to enjoy Phoenix luxury enjoy it. So yeah. But yeah, it was just it was nice. He was very, I think secretly, he was excited that we came and felt, you know,

Rick Denton  12:38  
there's no secret about he was excited that we came, I think what is unknown? And I don't know, if we didn't would he have felt something missing? Yeah, he is so good at filling his life, his social life is that whatever life that I don't know, there would have been a hole there was for us. Yes, he definitely though any expressed. It was glad that

Clancy Denton  12:57  
we were there because they did have big plans Saturday night, a big group of which had, you know, gotten a table at an bar in Scottsdale and bottle service, which that wasn't even a thing when we were or maybe it was and we just didn't know about it.

Rick Denton  13:14  
It shows that children are different parents. So what he's describing sounds like my vision is not how I would sell. You know,

Clancy Denton  13:21  
I love it, though, because he had told me all week. He's like, I'm going to be low key this week. Because you know, the big shebang is Saturday. No, he went out like every you know, when we went here and then we went here. And so anyways, you know,

Rick Denton  13:33  
so it was nice, though. We did we got out there. It was simple. We I don't know what you have queued up. So yeah, this so I do want to talk about kind of things we did, right for those that listen to us just because hey, where did they go? What did they do? Well, thank you all for that, too. So we're in Phoenix. And actually, as much as we know, places we kind of wanted to do something different. And so we're it was a little bit frustrating to do so but we found this thing. It's it's such a generic name, that it was hard to actually put it into its core. Well, it's called the law. How many hotels have something called the lobby bar? This is in the I think it's called the Grand ambassador. If not, it's the global ambassador. Yeah, I don't know how new This hotel is. It feels relatively new. But this is not an area that we spend a ton of time in. This clearly is The Happening one of the happening spots in Phoenix right now. It was difficult to find a seat but we did. We it was this beautiful classic hotel style lobby, huge, big place. They had music set up and some of that. It was it was such a nice experience to get to just do that. And we had great service. I've seen some snarky complaints about it. But we had wonderful service. There was

Clancy Denton  14:44  
good people, excellent people watching if you'd like to go and it was also you know, the reason we targeted it is because it was next to the restaurant that we had reservations at so

Rick Denton  14:56  
we felt a little later with next to men. It's funny you talked about people watching. I will, I will. I don't know exactly how to say this phrase. So hopefully I don't have to back this out. But this would have been a spectacular ad for plastic surgery in Scottsdale. It was there was a lot of the beautiful people were there. And I'm seeing from your face, you don't see that.

Clancy Denton  15:19  
First of all, when we go to Scottsdale, the places that sometimes we go to Scottsdale, were some of the youngest people there. This time we were some of the oldest people they're very so they don't need plastic surgery yet. Some of them will. But I will say there were all kinds of people coming in. I mean, all kinds of people coming in. Okay, that

Rick Denton  15:42  
is a good day. Perhaps I just noticed what I noticed. But there

Clancy Denton  15:45  
there are some bachelorette parties you could tell going on there were girls that were getting ready to go out somewhere else because you know, they just had on their lingerie as topped.

Rick Denton  15:58  
So it was a good No, if you're looking in this picture, you're right about that. Like that was the plastic surgery. I was talking about all that. But in the background of this photo for those that want to look you see there's normal people in this photo as well. So

Clancy Denton  16:09  
good. I'm glad we got the lady that was making us.

Rick Denton  16:14  
Please don't let her listen to this episode. Please don't let her listen. So you know, you know, it's one of those things. It's crowded bar. It's a it's a space for nine. What a lot of folks had been doing is hey, can I have this side of the couch? And you people were very communal? Almost right. That's the opposite of what you expect in UPSC. You expect studi it was not well, this group was like no, no, we've got five more coming. We were there for an hour before that. man showed up. It was so much fun to watch group after group after group come up to them. Hey, can we just have this

Clancy Denton  16:45  
Alright, that was that was well there's there's it was it was very entertaining. So but it was very nice. And this is where Oh, can't chain are ordered the French onion dip and chips.

Rick Denton  16:57  
And I mean, wait, but it was called something even fancier than that. Wasn't it? Or was it just

Clancy Denton  17:01  
I don't know. I didn't even see the menu. I just know what he ordered.

Rick Denton  17:05  
Maybe it maybe was like, you know, onion, remember? I? So yeah. Anyway, you

Clancy Denton  17:11  
could get the caviar bump with it. Oh.

Rick Denton  17:17  
So this is I interrupted your flow there. But yeah, it this is this is well, onion dip. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  17:23  
But the fancy dish and we all loved the glasses. I'm gonna have to go and research the it's like the glasses that my grandmother had and her you know, so it was nice. That was a nice start to our evening. And so yeah, so you were talking about where the restaurant was the street and yeah. And

Rick Denton  17:47  
so we're going over to bucking right across the street to you. We're starting to some people

Clancy Denton  17:51  
that know. I know. Probably some people know Phoenix and know Camelback Mountain. Camelback is a road that's equivalent to Preston. Yeah, I'd call it you know, you're like, oh, we have to get across that which and it was 112 degrees. So this

Rick Denton  18:09  
one did kind of dip down. Yes. All right. It was I that was when I'd come at it. Oh, you know, hey, the wind kind of keeps things down and both you and Tanner said no, it's like a wind is being blown off of the surface of the sun. It was a very warm

Clancy Denton  18:23  
it was but again, you're fine. Still was fine. You weren't. I wasn't sweating.

Rick Denton  18:28  
It does it is unlike a walkable city like New York and Boston or Chicago where people are walking. You really do feel strange when you're walking on a sidewalk but it would have been I don't even know if Uber would have ever accepted a ride it was comical though to be I

Clancy Denton  18:47  
mean, it took us four minutes to walk there and we're just the only people out in that area is equivalent okay to been down Preston no one's going to be walking but then like when you're close to campus and you're on mill everybody's walking so good point and now it's just different parts of the city is different but well

Rick Denton  19:06  
then so the rush I think I said it already but it's bucking. Yeah. Which that's one that we'd been to before to another part of town, but not but and we were there to celebrate and we let them know and I see you put the picture up. They did something kind of neat. Y'all remember, for those that have been in say, old timey, not old timey, but train stations before signs were digital. And so this is one of those where it's the rotating and spinning and that sort of thing. And they have the catch the day up there. And then the waitress at the end of our meal came over and said Hey, happy birthday Tanner turned around. And he turned around and you see the spinning of the sign and they set it up with Happy Birthday Taylor and I noticed this we didn't do a good job of taking the picture to them. Yeah, of course they know you're gonna put it on social media. So they want you to hashtag Buck Buck and writer.

Clancy Denton  19:51  
And okay, so what I find so funny about this is for those of you who do have college age kids that go out and now with the bottle service and the trend at these fancier bars or nightclubs is the sign comes in with your name that says Happy Birthday. And the whole time Tanner was like I finally get to have my name on a sign because last year there were plans when he turned 21. Their plans kind of fell through at the club that did that they were going to so he was so excited about getting his name on a sign. Well, we got his name on a sign for him before he went. Yeah, I said, Yeah. Because he had looked up at that sign earlier and saw he said, Oh, it he said, I thought it said Happy Birthday Tanner. But it said Happy Birthday runnier or something. And I said, Yeah, we didn't do that for you. Because I didn't know that's what they did. And I forgot you didn't nobody like forgot you. When you call to try to move our reservation. You said oh, you know, it's for a birthday. And so then they put I said, Oh, well, there you go.

Rick Denton  21:00  
I will say there's something in this and I won't belabor this point. This gets into more kind of the business side of me the customer experience side. I don't recall telling them the year of his birthday. I really don't remember putting that in.

Clancy Denton  21:15  
I heard you say it when you called. He said we're there to celebrate 22nd birthday. So

Rick Denton  21:20  
but it was in the call came after we made an online reservation. So it was a flippant offhand throwaway remark. And they wrote it down and commented and wished him a happy 22nd multiple times. So just from a details perspective, I didn't make significant note of that, but they caught it and said they somehow recorded it and took care of it and passed it through their team. That's those are the kinds of details that actually matter at restaurants and can impress you

Clancy Denton  21:50  
and again if you are traveling to the Phoenix area Buchan writer is an excellent restaurant Rick and I have been there once before and Tanner hadn't so we revisited it and writer and I do think it's fun though that his he said oh yeah, you know, are my friends. So we engage went there after y'all talked about it. So, you know, we

Rick Denton  22:13  
somehow The Frisco Texas people are becoming the social guides for the residents of Phoenix and Scottsdale, which is so not true. There's so much more to explore there. Yeah, so

Clancy Denton  22:22  
that was it was just fun. And they it's so funny because Tegan loves French onion, dip and macarons. Those are like two of her high on the list foods. So we got the French onion dip at the one place. And then what did they bring Tanner for his birthday? A box of macaroni? And I was like, Oh, he said, Don't tell

Rick Denton  22:46  
me of course. But who did? Yeah. So that was fun, right? And it was impulsive? It was

Clancy Denton  22:54  
it got our empty nester juices flowing again.

Rick Denton  22:56  
And so I'm going to ask you a question. And I'm willing to let you say, Hey, Rick,

Clancy Denton  23:02  
this last time, this is gonna be a new segment. Let's have

Rick Denton  23:08  
fun. Actually, I didn't think about that. What I want you all to do is email me privately, of what questions you want me to

Clancy Denton  23:15  
go to how it's gonna go both ways.

Rick Denton  23:20  
Ama Rick, anytime. And I do mean this. Like if you say, hey, let's actually make that a different episode. Let's cut this. We can cut this out of the show. We spent an entire episode last week talking about when will the rest come? That was the title of the episode we talked about when are we going to do this? When are we gonna do this for ourselves? And we keep saying phrases like, well, you know, we'll get to we're too busy, that sort of thing. Why is it that we were able to do this for Tanner at the drop of the hat? But you and I haven't done this for ourselves? Oh,

Clancy Denton  23:55  
I have the answer real quick, because it was for one of our kids. Which is is that right? Yeah. I mean.

Rick Denton  24:03  
Well, no, sorry. Let me ask that question. Should we be doing that in our empty nest days, where we're prioritizing the freedom and the flexibility towards them at the expense of us? And I'm not actually taking aside with that.

Clancy Denton  24:22  
I already knew that we had this weekend free, but we never did anything about trying to plan something to go you know. I think that question is probably what a lot of empty nesters feel when their kids come back home. Because we still have Tegan here. Yeah. I don't want to just abandon her when between September to December. We have all the time available. Now, we abandoned her but to go be with one of our other children and it was for less than 20 For hours, she did fine. But right that was you know this fragile. No, no, no. But yeah, I and selfishly. That was for me too. Yeah. I, like I said already. I am huge on their birthdays, I gave birth to these children. You know, I mean, oh,

Rick Denton  25:24  
you got that card over me. I can't ever get that one. You know,

Clancy Denton  25:27  
there is a connection between a mom and her kids that a dad will never understand. That's fine, y'all how y'all have different connections? You have different connections with them than I do. But I carried these people for nine months. I sent them their entire you know, so it's just different. I did this one for him, but also for me. Yeah. Or I'm glad that you suggested it. Because, yes, it It filled my heart to be able to be with him. So. But yes, I think that's your, you know, as much as as much as you try not to let your lives revolve around your kids. And I think even my parents would say, you know, to some extent, their lives still do. And, you know, they were still coming to all sporting events of our children, and activities of our children. Whereas, you know, yeah, I think it's just, that's an easy answer for us

Rick Denton  26:46  
for the kids. And that, and when I look back on the weekend, like, if you'd asked me that question, I would have had a very similar answer. I couldn't have said that I gave birth to them when I miss out on that one. Just the, the, it is for the kids. I think it just it was an interesting, I don't know when I thought of that thought I've actually been sitting on that question. Because if, if we really feel like you and I, we desperately need this moment of rest and not even about the couple connection. I think it's individually we need rest. And just together we want to experience that rest together. And we're, we will likely in the near term need to do that in an impulsive sort of way. We went from having nothing planned to flight to Phoenix in a matter of less than 24 hours, right? So it just it it I thought it one was I thought was just interesting. And two, it inspired me to realize that we actually can do this for ourselves if we choose to do this for ourselves. I don't regret doing this for Tanner because there was a calendar time component and I love every bit of it. This was not just for you. This was not just for him. I wanted this to I felt the because I'd said that earlier we I felt The Melancholy of not being a part of his birthday on or around his birthday. I take it though as inspiration of okay, we can actually pull this off if we choose to pull this off. I talked about the hoops that I jumped through to get flights. So we can do that.

Clancy Denton  28:19  
Yeah, yeah, I think it's I had another thought and now it's escaped me but and we did you know, we did we went and walked around Papago we love that we ate Oh, another place. If you're going to the Phoenix area Maria's frybread and Mexican restaurant was excellent. We went there for breakfast after a little strip mall play. Yeah, never felt so good. And if you want any of these recommendations, just reach out to us and we can give them to you. But oh, that's that it came back to me. Another thing is that neither one of our kids right now because they're still young adults. They don't have partners. So you know, by the time you and I were dating, engaged, married, the rains can kind of passed to the spouse or girlfriend boyfriend. Those Yeah, special events in the event. Yeah. So you know, that's another one and thank God we're not there yet. But so I can see that too, you know, as single children. So I thought that, you know, as long as your children are single, who's gonna, you know, do that kind of stuff for them still the parent Yeah.

Rick Denton  29:45  
That's a that's a little brain breaker right there. The little epiphany. You're right. I hadn't thought of that part. So yeah, some inspiration for Hey, we can we can do this. And let's just get back to it. It was just a heck of a lot of fun. Yeah, it was I love what I do. They

Clancy Denton  30:00  
were they were like this is great this I'm so glad we did this there was not a except for the flight back was a little while but you know we were on time who cares I don't care we were on time everything was smooth so but yeah, everything else was good so yeah I'm glad that we got to be spontaneous empty nesters and let's get

Rick Denton  30:21  
that muscle we flex that muscle again. It was nice to do it. Well let's let's use that as inspiration to flex our muscles for future time so we can tell even more stories on the loud quiet, living the empty nest

Transcribed by https://otter.ai