Staying Close with Miles Between - E69

Rick Denton  0:00  
These are good for any stage of life. Four tips for what to do to stay connected when one part of the empty nest is away from the other part of the empty

Clancy Denton  0:10  
nest. This is the loud quiet living the empty nest. Welcome

Rick Denton  0:14  
back everyone to the loud quiet episode 69 which is being recorded on a ridiculously cold and snow filled day. Yes, as I

Clancy Denton  0:25  
am not in my church clothes, which I mean, you would wear that to church, I would wear this to our church. But I'm not in my church clothes. I am in my cozy snow day. You know what

Rick Denton  0:36  
it looks like when I said earlier, you had a very clean look. That's what it is. It has kind of just a snow day. Look to it that you've got going, I'm

Clancy Denton  0:44  
representing the snow. So, so, yeah, we've been stuck inside the house. Well, okay, semi stuck inside the house. Yesterday morning, I was able to go to the gym, and when I left, my car was obviously clean from being inside the garage when I came out from the gym. I mean, it was completely covered. I was just watching the snow, and it was, it would snow, and then it would really snow, then it would snow, then it would really snow. It was crazy. And so, yeah, and then this, you know, this was this morning, just, we haven't had snow like this, no.

Rick Denton  1:20  
And for those that are taking years, no, and for those that are just going to only be able to listen and not look at it, it's the factor that I noticed when I was watching, because I didn't leave the house at all yesterday, I stayed worked out in the garage and then just stayed at home watching the grass disappear. Because you whenever we get a snow here, okay, the sidewalks will get some snow on it, but the grass usually doesn't ever disappear. This was a true blanket. And I'll add something to that. Our neighbors, their kids, came out and built an honest to God, snowman, not a

Clancy Denton  1:56  
there were several in the neighborhood. When I came home today, there was one. I was like, Oh my gosh, that one is so cute. They put, like, they had, it was girls, and they had put, because I saw them when I left, and then they had put, like, all these cute, different colored buttons. I'm sure they had some stuff laying, right? I mean, I was like, wow, that one looks really like professional. And these were, yes, big, you know, five feet tall snowman, not like our usual little dinky,

Rick Denton  2:24  
oh, yeah, something that's shorter than the length of my shoe, because that's all you can put together. You said something there. It looked, yeah, like they had a bunch of stuff. It looked really cute. I wonder if, in other parts of the world, is there such a thing as, like, you hire somebody to build a cute snowman for you? Like how people hire to have their homes get decorated

Clancy Denton  2:43  
and hire for anything? So, yes, probably somewhere there is. I've never, I've never seen that service anywhere. There you

Rick Denton  2:50  
go. For our listeners that are up in the the winter regions of the world, there you go. There's a business,

Clancy Denton  2:55  
I mean, for you people in LA hire people to come make snow in their front yards for Christmas. So I'm sure you can hire someone to do anything, but yes, it, you know, and I was glad again today to be able to get out and head to the gym tea again. Actually went into work. You went into the office for a little bit. So I

Rick Denton  3:15  
went to the office to record a podcast episode

Clancy Denton  3:19  
so at least we could get those of us who felt comfortable enough, could get out today. Well,

Rick Denton  3:26  
there was so much snow in the bed of my truck from overnight that I have all the traction that I can want. There's so much weight back there, and then y'all have four wheel drive vehicles, so that makes it very nice. Yes, well, we'll be so we're together and cozy. We're about to be the opposite of that, and I'm comfortable saying that, because this episode will release after what I'm talking about. But tomorrow, Teagan and I and her friend will head on a road trip God and ice willing head on a road trip to Arizona to take her back to school. And it got us to thinking about being a part. And there's, there's the elements of being a part that are, you know what we'll talk about, kind of your own identity and those sorts of things. And then there's the well being physically apart and being a part. For us, it'll be two and a half days, it's not a long trip. But there are people that are in either empty nest stage of life or just life, that are separated for long and not relationships separated, but physically apart from each other for longer. It can be a business trip, it could be a military deployment, it could be those sorts of things. And it got us to thinking about, you know, what does it look like to maintain a relationship or just be able to stay connected in those times that you're apart and

Clancy Denton  4:37  
and we've experienced that because, you know, when the kids were younger, you well, okay, no, from our dating days, you were a consultant, so you were gone. And then in my flight attendant days, I was physically gone, so our whole lives have been and then when we had kids, you were traveling to Asia. So. Sometimes for two, two and a half weeks at a time. So we have actually experienced this. What I find interesting is during those times you were at your workplace all day before you would go on these trips, I was working and then would have the kid duty. So it's different since we are in the empty nest now, because we do spend a lot more time together than we did. Was

Rick Denton  5:33  
there is there any meaning in the way you said that? Hang on a second. We

spent a lot of time,

Clancy Denton  5:39  
I think. What'd you say yesterday? I know we're in your house. All day, I was like, No, that doesn't bother me. What bothered me was that you weren't listening to what I was saying.

Rick Denton  5:47  
Well, actually, what's really ironic about that is you didn't actually hear what I said. I said, I know you've been in the house, but I find it comical that you accused me of not listening to you, and then actually you didn't listen to me, and that's the way Spats always are. Is that it's just silly stuff, but you

Clancy Denton  6:07  
know, it is now that we are in this emptiness stage and our I am now retired. You work a different schedule than you know you used to, right? We are together a lot more, and we are now, you know, working on a business together. So, you know, I was up at the office this week for, you know, four hours. So there are just a lot of different things that go into play now well, and

Rick Denton  6:42  
I think, I think there's a whole conversation that could be had around, what does it mean to work together in the empty nest, and how do you not get at each other's starts because you're together too much Well, I think one element of that is the idea of time apart, and not just A trip apart.

Clancy Denton  7:00  
But, yeah, yeah. So we, when we started talking about this topic, I was like, Okay, well, let me just and, you know, I had to phrase my Google Search really, because I was like, this isn't a separation. Like, we need time apart. This is okay. Camera,

Rick Denton  7:20  
the cat is going absolutely bonkers.

Clancy Denton  7:22  
Even know what he's seeing up there. He's been cooped up too, although he doesn't go out, but he has been so awake because he was so obsessed with watching the snow fall yesterday and seeing the kids out front and, you know, Teagan, actually, she and her friend Luke, got all bundled up and walked around, walked down to their elementary school, and so anyways, side note, but we

Rick Denton  7:47  
do need, we should get a studio camera that is an extra view of what the heck that nuck That is doing. But

Clancy Denton  7:53  
yeah, so I had to be careful with what I was putting as like, I'm not trying to this is not a separation. This is okay. We need to have our own lives. And like when trips come up that you're about to do, okay, how do you stay connected? I'm here by myself. How do we Yes, but you know, so, so when I did pull up, you know, it said a couple having individual alone time means that partners in a relationship are each taking separate time for themselves, allowing to pursue personal interest, recharge and maintain their own sense of identity outside of the relationship, rather than spending all their time together. When we had the kids, you know, and they were younger, we I would say I took more advantage of this, I think, than you did, yeah. But then I think as because you always talk about, I mean, from the time that we've been together, I need to just go camp, get away. Well, you never really did that that much when kids were on because they had activities,

Rick Denton  9:04  
yeah, I didn't. It wasn't I like the fact that you're talking about it, because the kids now we have this, this life. Then was it was all kids. And then if we ever had quote, free time, well, we'd want to spend it with each other. Now it's all us, and if we ever have free time, well, I guess we always have free time. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say, but basically now the extra, the other, the bonus piece, can be more focused on self. And I think it's, you know, it's, it's a, it's something that I think I've gotten more comfortable with as I've gotten older, I think even we talk about kids, but there is the element of, you know, our marriage before, when we were separated because you were traveling for your job, or I was traveling for my job, well, that was, that was just the way it was, that I didn't even think twice about that, but the idea of doing something just. Me and my buds when you were around, or you doing something that when you were around, well, that would feel kind of odd, because this is our moment to be together, and now that we've aged, now that life has somewhat changed, I've not only got more comfortable with it, but just the realization of it's not just to be comfortable, it's required, yeah, and having a sense of identity in one in yourself is is a okay and good thing to there's, there's a there's a limit, yeah, yeah, the fact that I want to go camping is just who I am, and I realize that that's not who you are, and so that's okay. And

Clancy Denton  10:41  
I think throughout our marriage, there were times that you had to say to me, Hey, you're doing a little bit too because there was a time there that we might the girls that I was hanging out with, we were out a lot and, you know, and I do, I remember you saying, hey, it needs and I think I had already come to the realization to a little bit of, yeah, it's too much,

Rick Denton  11:06  
but because it's such a danger right to a relationship, and we weren't, let

Clancy Denton  11:10  
me say we weren't doing like, we weren't going to clubs or, well, I guess we did go to clubs sometimes, but not anything. It was just girls having fun. You know, there wasn't it was

Rick Denton  11:19  
girls night outside. It wasn't anything. And it wasn't even like, what a movie, a comedy movie, of girls at where it's the party in this hall pass kind of thing. Or, as far as I know, I wasn't there no but it definitely was, and I think that's the slippery slope that you have to guard against. It feels like now in the emptiness that we dedicate so much time to being together, that it feels even more okay to have those moments away, and

Clancy Denton  11:41  
even my one girls group that has still remained. You know, we used to go to lunches because, oh yeah, we had kid activities in the evening. Now we've moved it to, oh, we as soon as they got into dry they were all driving, then we can move it into dinners and so, and let's

Rick Denton  11:59  
talk. I mean, I know it goes both ways, but we'll just stick with what you're describing. Now, when you say you've got a girls on, I'm like, sweet, yeah, I have the house to myself. I get to and it's not that there's a we, we're we've got a big enough house, and so we can watch whatever we want. We do whatever we want. It. There's just something about being in this

building by yourself, that is great

for a period of time. I think we've talked about that. What's I think I've said that we're talking about evenings here, but three days,

Clancy Denton  12:32  
well, yeah, and especially that brings up another good point, especially now, because the kids aren't here like by you know, you're gone two nights this time, which y'all, when you went out there, it was just one night, because you flew in and y'all drove back, um, but you know, so by Monday, I'll be like, Okay, I get I just get a little bored. And yes, there's people I could call and say, Hey, do you want to do something? But again, they have their spouses and other people, you know. So I do, yeah, it, it which, I guess that's, I suppose that's a good thing. Then we, you know, still enjoy being around. But yes, it talking about, you were talking about, you know, your identity and that kind of thing. So some of the things that this article, that I pulled said, you know the benefits of individual alone time. It can help couples appreciate other, each other more.

Rick Denton  13:29  
Where that says it can help couples appreciate other, no other, each

Clancy Denton  13:34  
other more. It can improve communication. Because, and that one is interesting, because, yeah, sometimes when you're together all the time, you're not talking all the time, whereas, if you're having to make a phone call or having to tell something outside of what's happening, you know, I could see that. I

Rick Denton  13:54  
think this is, I'm going way, amateur psychology sociologists or maybe even just evolutionary biologists here, I think we're wired to tell stories. We're wired. That's how you know, originally, information was shared way, way back in the day, right? Well, if you're living the same story together, because you're together all the time, there's not any story to tell. And so yeah, when I will be able to tell you things about a road trip because you weren't there, you will be able to tell me things when you go out to dinner. Oh, yeah, I had this meal. Well, if I were there with you, I would have seen what meal you had.

Clancy Denton  14:32  
And, you know, we even do that, you know, of the days that you go into the office that I don't go in, you know? But then there's days like, when you're working from home, you're like, Well, I know what you did all day, and you know what I did all day,

Rick Denton  14:47  
so what's happening in the world? So

Clancy Denton  14:50  
talked about, you know, it individual needs. You just can alone time needed very. Is on each person's personality. Introverts often require more solitary time and prevent feeling over. Oh, sorry, no, I was reading the wrong thing. See, this is paper doesn't work when you print it out, introverts requiring more solitary time than extroverts. I don't, you know, I know there are. I totally see this in Teagan, like we've talked about that before, how she is done and she has to go. I know you're an extroverted introvert, or whatever you want to call it, but I don't feel like, I don't feel like we do that one that often. Like, Hey, I just need to go in this room and be by myself, you know, between us now, I can do that with,

Rick Denton  15:51  
yeah, huh. Feel like we're exploring this one on the fly. I think that we do it just appears differently. I will say to you, hey, I'm gonna go upstairs and play, you know Zelda for a bit. Well, that's alone time. Hey, Rick, I'm not interested in this game. I'm gonna go watch my the show that I want to watch. It's different,

Clancy Denton  16:15  
yeah, but that's different because you're not trying to get away from me. You're not getting away from me to recharge your batteries, which is how I you know?

Rick Denton  16:24  
Yeah, and I think, you know, what the danger in that is, is, I shouldn't use the word danger, but I instead, I don't think an introvert is actually trying to get away from I think they're actually seeking something. They're not trying to get away from the vibrant party. They're seeking the quiet. And so it's not that I don't know that I'm ever, you know, look, I'm just trying to get away. Well, actually, there's times like when we're on each other's nerve. Yeah, you know what? All right, well, sure that, yeah, we just need to take a little little moment away. So I think it does happen. I get though what you're saying, and that is not as much that you know, my batteries aren't necessarily drained by you. That's

Clancy Denton  17:06  
why my statement was that I don't think that you're doing that to recharge. I think you're doing that because you enjoy playing Zelda, and I'm not going to sit there and watch you playing

Rick Denton  17:16  
Zelda play a video game that I've

Clancy Denton  17:20  
I want to watch that you don't want to watch, and vice versa. So it just says, you know, this allows for you to open up dialog about and further communication about, hey, I do need this time. I do need to and, you know, we have done that definitely. I think

Rick Denton  17:41  
that you talk about, it's so funny how open up dialog, such a fancy word. But I think that actually that alone time, whether it's by choice or by happenstance or whatever, I think it also allows you to figure out what you need, and, if not the word need, what you want. In a relationship, sometimes when you're right there with the person in the moment, you're just living life together. But as you take a moment back, you're like, you know what? I would like this? I would like whatever element of a relationship. I want us to do these activities, or I want us to have this type of life, or this type of dream, or those kind of things. You know, when you're quiet, you can start to think in those ways.

Clancy Denton  18:23  
Obviously, alone time doesn't necessarily mean quiet. Well, it doesn't. I

Rick Denton  18:27  
guess I am equating the two hand in hand. You're right. I'm certainly not having deep thoughts when I'm just trying to make sure that Zelda can get a certain side quest.

Clancy Denton  18:35  
Yes, but when you go on your camping, yeah, you probably are, yeah. You know, when I'm like this weekend when you're gone, you know, I already said to someone, I said, I'm going to ask him one more time if he wants me to wait and watch disclaimer. Because if not, that's what I'm watching this week. So, so, you know, disclaimer, the book one, yeah, so I think I do want to watch. Yeah, no. Okay, so last night I was looking I was like, okay, what can I watch? Because, you know, yes, I'll go out some, but it's still supposed to be cold. Well, that's the problem.

Rick Denton  19:08  
It's the weather sucks too, right? It's a lot easier to spend time apart when you can get out of your house. Yeah, and

Clancy Denton  19:16  
I'm not going shopping on the weekends. I don't do that because I don't have to. So I don't necessarily want to do that, but so yes, but I get what you're saying that it does give you time to just think about I just don't know how much of that I do, because, again, I like to have diet, yeah, discussion, dialog, word again, because you told me that was fancy. But I'm not fancy, but, oh,

Rick Denton  19:45  
contrary,

Clancy Denton  19:49  
but I get where ideas can and this kind of goes back to what we talked about last week a little bit, but I don't operate sometimes that way, no, and

Rick Denton  19:59  
that's. Yeah, it's definitely an and statement of there are absolutely all the time. There's just, honestly, sometimes, even when we're sitting in a have a conversation like this, we're thinking of deep thoughts and deep words. Sometimes just nice to just be apart, right? It's just good. It's just quiet, or forget the quiet part. But just, it's, it's a way to just, what did I say when I was traveling? Yeah, I did a backpacking trip with a friend of mine in it was the cliche post college backpacking trip, but we made the mistake of we did not separate. We were hip to hip, and it was a friend. It wasn't a romantic relationship, but we were, we were completely together the entire time, except for the next to last day of the trip, when we snapped and we're about to kill each other, and it actually destroyed the friendship. And that's a lesson that I've learned and carried forward. Of it doesn't, no matter how much you like or love a person, you've got to spend time apart. Now we've got some some things that we talked about as far as, okay, but when you are apart, and it's a time at a trip, not just, you know, hey, let's go spend a little quiet time in the corner kind of thing. But when you

Clancy Denton  21:08  
these are, when you are physically not in the same Yeah, place,

Rick Denton  21:12  
this road trip coming up, and there's four things that we there's a many other things that we talked about that you could use, but we have, we have done these and have found great value.

Clancy Denton  21:23  
And these are good for any stage of life, like we, you know, mentioned before four

Rick Denton  21:29  
tips for what to do to stay connected when one part of the empty nest is away from the other part of the empty nest. Item one schedule daily check ins.

Clancy Denton  21:43  
Now, I don't know if we scheduled them or schedule them so, but just I would say, have daily check ins. Okay,

Rick Denton  21:50  
that's you're right. Here's where I would take that you're right. The schedule part, I think, comes in. If this the scheduling requires that you schedule it right? If it is a, hey, you're going to be doing this. I'm going to be doing that. Okay, we can talk at 507, mountain time or something like that. I think I do like what you said of intend to check in with each other no matter what,

Clancy Denton  22:16  
yeah, and now it's, I mean, it's so easy if you're not a phone talker, you just text. I mean, it's so easy. And there have been, you know, when you are traveling to Asia, we, you know, probably the beginning, I don't know if we had our cell phone, I mean, like the Apple phone yet. No, we definitely

Rick Denton  22:38  
didn't have that. But I was able there were, there was a particular tool that I could use, I don't think was Skype. I think was something else, and that was that was a little more not scheduled, but we knew the times, because that was different. As an empty nester, we've got schedule flexibility. That was okay. I'm waking up in the morning, I've got to make sure that I call you at a certain time, because that's when the kids were going to bed and then the vice versa. I would call you in the evening before, after y'all wake up, but before the kids

Clancy Denton  23:05  
and what we talked about today was that sometimes on those trips that you're across the pond are easier to schedule than when you're in California. Oh, sometimes when you're in California, I wouldn't talk to you at night because you are out doing dinners or whatever, and I'm going to bed.

Rick Denton  23:23  
Yeah, the overlap, it really was funny how and that's I that really gets at the root of, okay, now schedule them if you know it's going to be wonky like that. Okay, figure out a way to take your break at three o'clock in the afternoon in California, whatever. All right. Item number two, send good morning and good night messages.

Clancy Denton  23:44  
And we this one's spot on. Yeah, we do this. And, I mean, we even do it sometimes now when, because you leave well before I'm awake. And so sometimes we do that even now, but, and

Rick Denton  23:58  
it's even with there's no purpose behind it too, because you have chosen your phone is on as because if there's, as we just saw, if there's kids that need to call or contact, you've been the phone of choice for that. So I try to be aware of that, but there's one of us will always hit the other with a good morning. And

Clancy Denton  24:17  
one thing we said now we've matured enough in our relationship that, hey, if I haven't talked to you

Rick Denton  24:30  
an actual phone conversation,

Clancy Denton  24:32  
then I'm throwing you a text saying I'm going to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you. And

Rick Denton  24:38  
then. So it takes something like this on the road trip that if we're just in a unable to really have a reasonable conversation and or a work trip or something like that, where my activities or your activities take it out of sync, we've definitely, and I've sent those to you as well, when I basically, hey, I'm shutting down. I can't carry this forward anymore, so, but. Definitely that send Good Morning Good night messages. Item number three, celebrate time apart with humor. And the idea behind this is, okay, it's not just about what's part of the day and that kind of stuff, but almost have a laugh about the fact that you are apart from each other.

Clancy Denton  25:17  
Yeah. And most of the time, this probably came from my side, because I was here with the children. So there are lots of things that happen, and now I'm here with the other child that just walked out of the room. I think you made a little screen time, like, you know, just like you you were saying when we brought up this topic earlier, you know, I texted you the other morning. Was like, and he barfed, you know, so just and you aren't necessarily gone. I think you were at the office. It doesn't matter, though,

Rick Denton  25:51  
I've gotten that text when I've been away. Oh, the cat barfed. Well, I'll

Clancy Denton  25:55  
text her, Hey, your cat barfed, when she's in Arizona. Not like she can do anything about it. Just letting you know, though, he barf, yeah, thanks a lot. And I'm here cleaning it up,

Rick Denton  26:05  
and I that's the part is not take it so seriously, right? And I don't think that we don't need a list to tell you and me that. I think though that there could be couples out there that are hearing this, that are, you know, oh, hey, let's, let's be as romantic as possible, because this is our chance to connect and that kind of stuff. And on the on the phone together because we're apart. You know what? Sometimes just laugh about that you are apart, oh yeah, and, and tell the stupid, crappy, funny things that happen because you are apart. And,

Clancy Denton  26:34  
and I would put in here being, being this spouse who was the one at home, and this would go more. I mean, there are people in the empty nest whose spouses travel still, especially when you're the one at home with the kids. And yes, you want to hear about all the stuff that the other one is doing, but sometimes, and you have to check yourself both ways, because there were sometimes that I was like, Oh, that's nice. You're getting to go out to all these nice dinners and do these touristy things, and I'm stuck here making Dino bites and macaroni and cheese. So that's just goes along with the

Rick Denton  27:16  
it does. I will tell you that there were certainly times on even some of those trips that actually Dino bites and mac and cheese might have been pretty darn good. That's a whole nother realm of business. Travel sounds a lot more glamorous than it is until you're doing

Clancy Denton  27:30  
it. And that was just an aside for our you know listeners who are in this situation when one has to stay home and one, you know,

Rick Denton  27:39  
last one to go, last one of the four that we had. And this is not one, this is one that we were kind of exposed to. But I don't know how much we do have a reunion ritual. I don't know that we have a reunion ritual.

Clancy Denton  27:55  
No, because, you know, you said when the kids were younger, when you got home would be like, All right, let's get a babysitter. Let's go out now. It's just okay. We're This is our life, like we don't have anything that's keeping us. We can go out on a Tuesday. We can go out on a nothing has to be planned or,

Rick Denton  28:19  
you know, scheduled. I do think there's something in there, if not the word ritual, but there's a a re reconnecting, a re entry into the existing process. Now after two and a half days, that's not what we're talking about here. There the spouse that has traveled away. There is an element of you come back into an environment that didn't exist with you for a period of time. And I think that's that's heavily true with the kids. I think it's still true inside the empty nest world, and recognize that you're coming back into that world that's existed without you. And so be sensitive to what that might mean. You may want to come back and be like, All right, let's go out. We're back together. Let's go do things. And the other either might be really excited about that, because, yay, let's go do something, or it might be, what are you talking about? I've been living a normal life. There's no reason to do so. And

Clancy Denton  29:14  
I think that adds the element of when you have kids at still at home versus not, because when the kids were still at home and you got home, yes, of course, I was so happy that you were back, but it would be like the last thing I want to do is go out right now, because I've been solo now. No, let's go. Let's do but I will say this when you talked about being gone and coming back to an environment that you haven't been in. What did I used to do when you would be gone on these long trips and you would come home and be like, Oh, this room is Oh my gosh.

Okay, so our new furniture,

Rick Denton  29:57  
so let's, let's talk. Maybe not. The anti two

Clancy Denton  30:02  
and a half days is not enough time for me. The anti tip is, don't change

Rick Denton  30:05  
the house in such a dramatic way that the person walking in wonders where they are. You have liked every change that I did, but yes, I have told you that I've liked every change that you did.

Clancy Denton  30:14  
Oh, okay,

Rick Denton  30:18  
I do think there's something the ritual though, right? You know, maybe we're past it, or something like that. But I like the idea it's, I don't know what that could mean. It could be just something as simple as, Hey, let's go get an ice cream cone together. We're back together. It could be, Hey, let's go sit on the back porch together and just catch up. It could be, it. I don't know what it is, but I like the idea of we've been apart now we are together. And I think there's something

Clancy Denton  30:40  
neat, and I think that's probably easier to do when you have someone who's consistently, like, if you were still consulting, working the entire time of our marriage, then yeah, we probably would have created something, yeah, that just like, you know, We have, everyone has rituals, probably that they do in the evening. Okay, we don't turn on the TV during dinner because that is our time to catch up and talk, right? We also, now that we're empty nesters, we have that time even before dinner, sometimes to talk. So I can see, but I do see that, yeah, if you're consistently gone, then it probably is just a ritual that you don't even know that you're doing, but it has become part of your routine. Yeah? I could

Rick Denton  31:27  
absolutely, let's say that that were our scenario, right? I could absolutely see that I have the airport Uber take me to our favorite restaurant, you know, and you meet me at the bar, and we, we enjoyed kind of reconnecting there, whatever that looks like, yeah? So there you go. Four tips for staying connected while one spouse is away from the other, inside the empty nest and well beyond the empty ne. Schedule daily check ins, send Good morning goodnight messages. Celebrate time apart with humor and have a reunion ritual and

Clancy Denton  31:56  
just knowing that it is beneficial to both of you to have, you know, time apart, even if it's, it doesn't have to be a more than a few hours. I mean, the examples that they gave, you know, is, go on a solo walk, go out back and read your book, you know, just, just because I realized, for some people, you can't do, you know,

Rick Denton  32:22  
what do we do every Saturday morning that we're home and the weather's good, we each go on a long, independent walk,

Clancy Denton  32:30  
which is interesting, because when we're traveling, we're all we go together. So, yeah, you know, but now that I have my gym, which gym update? Yes, I did find a gym, and yes, I am enjoying it, so I'll be, you know, when the weather's nice, or I'll still probably go for my walk. But I'm so glad that I have a place like today to go to to get a workout in.

Rick Denton  32:52  
It does so and all of that, right? It shows that even in the things we didn't even think about, we're finding ways to be, you know, our independent time. And then we do stay connected when we are apart for other reasons. And

Clancy Denton  33:07  
I think that, you know, one thing this article brought up, you know, was co dependency. And I think learning to do these things while you're both still here and and and can do it because you don't want to be so co dependent that when one is gone, you can't, you just shut down and can't do anything that I'm just

Rick Denton  33:31  
going to sit in a corner somewhere. Yeah, absolutely. Well, it's good we have we've learned there are tips. There are ways to enjoy that, that time together, that time apart, and that time to reconnect and

Clancy Denton  33:43  
and we'll, we'll see how we do when you're gone for the next couple of days.

We'll see absolutely

Rick Denton  33:51  
all right, kiddo, that was fun. Another episode of the loud, quiet, living the empty nest.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai