Empty Nest Groove And Guilt - E46

Clancy Denton  0:00  
We are talking about empty nester guilt. Last week, our whole conversation was about how we lost our empty our way and the emptiness. This week, we actually found our way back. This is the loud, quiet, living the empty nest. Hey guys, welcome back, Episode 46. Because we just talked about 45. So this is episode 46. So thank you for sticking with us. We're inching close to that. 50 Mark.

Rick Denton  0:31  
I know, that's hard to believe that it'll be 50. And I know that that'll kind of mark sort of a season break for us because, you know, we're getting back to that point that we started this last year. So I mean, we were probably painting the room. Oh, yeah. This month last year, right. This is when we filmed that time lapse video. If you haven't seen it, it's on the YouTube video, the little time lapse of how we built the studio.

Clancy Denton  0:52  
I mean, you have to think there's 52 weeks in a year. Yeah, we we will hit 50 episodes pretty much at a year. So we did a couple weeks did a pretty good job. Well, yeah. pat ourselves on the back.

Rick Denton  1:06  
How's that for? years?

Clancy Denton  1:10  
I'm sure everyone unless you've had your unless you've been in another No. Even if you're in another country, you probably everyone has access to their phones, but it's just been a weird. Tikkun. Yeah. You know, Richard Simmons died and I had to double check it and triple check and make sure that one has been rumored before he died. SHANNON I woke up this morning Shannon Doherty died. Brenda 90210. Dr. Ruth died. Yeah, yeah. These are all now Dr. Ruth satisfied. I mean, she was old. But six. Yeah. But you know, I remember watching her show at night and you thought you were doing something, you know, naughty and scandalous. When really if you watched it now. It's probably just a lot of biological information,

Rick Denton  1:59  
which I guess back then folks needed to have that level of education. Yeah, absolutely. She wouldn't want that I actually watched she was just but here's the point. I didn't watch Richard Simmons. I didn't watch. Dr. Ruth. They were such cultural icons that I knew who they were even if I'd never had put eyeballs on one of their shows.

Clancy Denton  2:17  
The thing I love about Richard Simmons, I never did. Okay, I won't say never. Yes, I've done some of his workouts, Ashley and I throw him on sometimes, like not lately. But during COVID we did because we are running out of things to do. He's just so positive. So upbeat loves people hit at the end of his life, he became a recluse. But his goal was to always be inclusive. And let's do everyone can be involved in working out no matter which body shape has done manage finances just get in. And I love that. So that, you know, it's sad when you see people like that passed away. And then of course, everyone knows Brenda from 90210.

Rick Denton  3:06  
Which there wasn't a lot of positivity there.

Clancy Denton  3:09  
The characters nurture was not No, I'm not talking about

Rick Denton  3:12  
the actress. I'm talking about the character. Yes. But yeah, that's slightly different. And it's your point of positivity. I mean, yes, those are three very famous the rule of three. And then of course, we are not a political podcast. But how can we not acknowledge the fact that we had an assassination attempt on a former president and presidential candidate? We this is wrong, and I don't care what side of the party you're on. I don't care what side of politics you're on. That's wrong. That's not how we handle it. America. There's a great editorial in the Dallas news today of we do things through peaceful elections. We do not do things through bullets. And what did you and I say before we hit record here, like we've got to get back to civil discourse, or I think you'll

Clancy Denton  3:55  
find this just kindness just just awareness. You're I was talking about that last night with the people that we were out. People are just so selfish. No one cares. No one cares if they cut you off on the road. No one cares if it you know, Tegan seeing it at the movie theater. She goes into clean people just leave their stuff, trash it out.

Rick Denton  4:22  
But aggressively. It's just and that's so if anything is way too soon, like this is the way to soon statement. But maybe maybe this will help us realize that as a culture, we've jumped the shark on our rage and our manufactured rage. And my way is the only way therefore your way is not worthy of existing. And just get back to an actual kindness and honor and respect the other side regardless of which side you're on.

Clancy Denton  4:51  
Yeah, it's just it's sad for everyone involved, including all of us. It's just the You know?

Rick Denton  5:00  
Now that's not what this episode is about this week, thank goodness,

Clancy Denton  5:04  
although it does I mean, we are kind of talking about empty nester guilt, at least that. I felt that I've been feeling it some this summer and I felt it. Does he mean by that? I don't know why well, we get into our conversation. But you know, you and I actually, last week, our whole conversation was about how we lost our MD our way and the emptiness. This week, we actually found our way back. I mean, we, we actually just

Rick Denton  5:41  
and we did things completely, you know, some things were improv. Some things were planned, but they were the exact way you'd want it to be as an empty nester, and that is, to adults going and doing things that they want to either as a couple or with friends, the kind of the life that you envision when you hear the phrase empty nest now that we've done this for almost a year, you realize that that reality doesn't happen automatically. It takes it's it's a handcrafted, artisanal experience that you have

Clancy Denton  6:14  
to put together. Yeah. And and like you said, most of our things this week, were very impromptu, or had something planned around that then ended up being impromptu things. You know, Tuesday night, we went out with our life group and met up again, for dinner. We started we started this live group last spring. Yeah, we just started out spring. Yeah, that's right. And so we've continued in the summer just to try to get together when people are in town and

Rick Denton  6:47  
just in case LifeGroup may not be common, like I think it probably is. But life group is sort of the modern version, almost like a Sunday school that churches have gotten where they don't have the space for actual Sunday schools or even just a schedule for it. Groups of people from the church meet together, typically with stage of life or geography as alignment and then meet his life group.

Clancy Denton  7:09  
Yeah. And we have been very blessed that ours has clicked and then yeah, content is very good for for I think everyone in it. So that is a nice, so we did that. You know, Tuesday night and sorry, here he comes. And then, Friday, we had already scheduled we are picking up Tanner's apartment keys and

Rick Denton  7:37  
down at the village. So that's down in Dallas from us in Frisco. Yes. And we know that we were going to go out so I don't mind that this was okay. It's the kids. That kid gave us the reason to be there. We we have really enjoyed reconnecting with Dallas, and some elements of getting our groove back if you will have been kind of the repeats just like last week, we laughed about Chili's. Well, Greenville is a place that we did spend plenty of time and when we were picking up his key. We drove down Skillman, sorry for all the local geography for those that aren't from here, but drove down Skillman crossed Martell and knew that our house that we lived in was two blocks down the road. We didn't go swing by we should have just swung by it. But we were in our old stomping grounds as young married. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  8:24  
Well, and even you know what date guys spent so much time on Greenville, even back in you know, high school, so I know that area very well. But yes, it was. Yeah, we So yes, we had planned on. Okay, we're going to go out after we move the few things, the small things the big move is later this week, but we had some small things. Oh my gosh, we're okay. This is why we hired movers for one thing chairs townhouse has to steep staircases inside to get to his living level. He's based on that third level.

Rick Denton  9:16  
Yeah, the garage is on the first nothing's on the second he's on the third.

Clancy Denton  9:21  
I was sweating to death

Rick Denton  9:23  
and it was air conditioning. The temperature would it was just the fact that my gosh, we just clearly not.

Clancy Denton  9:30  
And Saturday we were both dead. And and I'm a fitness instructor. I do this every day. But it was so you know, down stairs. Well, you should

Rick Denton  9:41  
design the move in work.

Clancy Denton  9:42  
Okay. Well, you know, I did get on the we have the stair climber. I hadn't been on that in ages will actually happen to be gone. And so we usually do stuff on Monday and Fridays and I said I'll just get on the stairclimber I did that thing for 15 minutes I was so sore the rest of the entire week. Yes crazy.

Rick Denton  10:05  
We're not getting not heavy stuff carrying up a thing. I think the tray of silverware may have been the heaviest thing in there. It was just so we definitely needed to and it was nice getting things set up there. But we definitely needed to reward ourselves after that. So change clothes and then went to one of our favorites. And at the we may have mentioned it before, but we went to two rallies down there in Greenville, which is a long standing even it has burned down and been rebuilt long standing restaurant there. And it was great. We got there. This was one of the things that we found funny we live in the suburbs. And when you go to a steak place or a nice place if you weren't seated at the bar at or open very near five o'clock. Oh for what if they open it for like a place that opens some you won't get a seat at the

Clancy Denton  10:58  
bar? No. And when I found in Frisco Yeah, what I found interesting is when I was looking at Yelp to see you know, if we wanted to go somewhere else nothing down there opened until five out here things open at four right 430 Then you know, some bars are open like the owl is sure if they do a lot but I was just shocked as going wait, we're done at four we're ready to go have a drink and nothing's open. So

Rick Denton  11:28  
two rallies did open I think what you saw it open it for we probably pulled in there for 15 Something like that. Maybe maybe

Clancy Denton  11:33  
a little later, but in the first event they opened up for 30

Rick Denton  11:37  
Frisco timeframe, we should not have been able to get

Clancy Denton  11:41  
to two other people at the bar. And they were really old.

Rick Denton  11:45  
So I walked I was like, oh, okay, we're, we're not in our stomping grounds. Again. It was delightful had the Martini but we weren't. We didn't want to just stay there. And this is what makes the empty nest world kind of fun. And it is. Well what do you want to do? I don't know. Let's just go wander the street and see what's nearby here and Greenville is a little disjointed. It's got pockets of entertainment and restaurants separated by housing. So we're in a smaller pocket came out. And in a place where the old blue goose was is a new well, we didn't know it but a restaurant called Goodwin's alright, that's where everybody is at five o'clock. Yeah, fleece was hoppin

Clancy Denton  12:25  
Yes, it was in the like, the little speakeasy they call it which happened to be they paid homage to the blue goo as they call it like us.

Rick Denton  12:38  
I loved it

Clancy Denton  12:39  
I really opened it for so I was like okay, that opens up for

Rick Denton  12:43  
and that's where everyone was, and they had a certainly a vibrant happy hour. It had only been open seven weeks, which is a very Dallas you and I used to joke about the locusts would always descend on new places. We just happen to be coincidentally in the midst of a Locust Swarm, but got our table it for those that are here. I put on the recommend, right. Oh, yeah, there's nothing like I wouldn't say that the menu is there are some inventive elements on the menu. There are but your Do you want a pork chop? Do you want a crab cake do you want but the steak sandwich that I had was really good. The burger look good. The other things

Clancy Denton  13:15  
that I had was

Rick Denton  13:18  
the cheese Ben yeas were spectacular. Imagine this to be like, you can tell they're inspired by French bistro or even like 20s flapper era. It feels like something and I can't think whatever that movie was with the Caprio. It feels like it would be in that era. The font that they're using is very 20s font. It's a Great Gatsby. There it is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It has that kind of vibe.

Clancy Denton  13:47  
Very Yes. Very, very good. Would recommend. This is where the emptiness guilt comes in. Oh, now I understand. Yeah. So Tegan was off on Friday. And I told her earlier in the week, we were going down to Taylor's apartment. She was welcome to come with us. Then we were going to go to dinner. So we're getting ready to leave. I said, Hey, you know, remember we're going down there and Ron. She said, Oh, y'all aren't going to be here. We're not going to go out to dinner. I said, No. Well, I wasn't aware of that. Okay, so then I'm sitting there going, well, you can come with us, but she didn't want to come with us. And so yes, I got that pain of, oh, I'm leaving. I'm leaving my child and I know she can fend for herself. And so it did it hit that. Should we try to come back out here and go to dinner. And I had to just say this time. No, we're not. So I

Rick Denton  14:55  
didn't entertain coming back out there. The closest I did and of course it was totally facetious like, well she can Uber down here if she wants and meet us. I'd be happy to have her join us. You have an $80 hour and a half Uber Sure. Come on down. So

Clancy Denton  15:08  
But while we were sitting at dinner, you notice I

Rick Denton  15:13  
was blind. So and it go look at this because it was the whole time I'm staring at this and of course it's adjusted for the picture. There was more light inside the restaurant, but this is what I stared at the entire meal overclaims the shoulder, Val's cheesecake, beckoning to us like a beacon on a hill and

Clancy Denton  15:31  
Tegan loves cheesecake. So I sent her a quick text when we were wrapping up dinner and I said, hey, send her this picture. I said, Would you like a piece of cheesecake? And I sent her the menu and Yes, she did. So that was L.

Rick Denton  15:48  
Persuasion, a little bit of your guilt. You did some pennants there. That was I had the dessert there. They none of the desserts on the menu actually intrigued any of us? And then she said, Oh, but we've got a special one. Well, yeah, you need to put that one on the list. It was fresh peaches with a yellow sponge cake and cream. And yeah, it was.

Clancy Denton  16:04  
It was good. But the cheesecake because I did get a piece to bring home for later. It's good too. So if you live anywhere in the Dallas area, there we've given you two rallies, whichever one probably already knows good ones, which is new and vows which was new to us. I don't know how long it's been there. But so there you go. And I'm texting Tanner saying hey, we're in your new stomping grounds. And we've found places that you won't afford be able to afford to go. Parents come down through

Rick Denton  16:35  
these will be these will be our Phoenix Scottsdale equivalent, taken to places that it was, you know, to a place it's only been open seven weeks. You and I are not trendsetters? We're not seeking to be there. But it was kind of fun to be a part of a high energy. New something new. Yeah. And it's weird to think of it that was

Clancy Denton  16:52  
I'm really, I'm really excited for him. We just being in his apartment.

Rick Denton  16:59  
He, you're so excited this week. I'll just talk about that, like you loved, like all the shopping and the getting the items like the new apartment, there was a twinkle in your eye that's got such a that's not what I mean. But just an excitement that you it's fun

Clancy Denton  17:14  
to get to start from a blank slate. Yeah. And because I think I said this last time, most of our stuff that we still use is from our wedding or things that we bought along the way. So it's nice. Yeah, trends have changed in 24 years, I

Rick Denton  17:37  
guess who doesn't care to know. But sure, that's it. So

Clancy Denton  17:41  
it is nice, too. And, again, I'm not furnishing his apartment, I went to IKEA and in Amazon. So which, again, that was not available to us when we were married. But I do it's fun just getting to start with a complete blank slate. And you and I actually had that conversation at dinner, that we're we're almost just itching for some change, something new a change.

Rick Denton  18:12  
Thank God, we're not talking about us something new. We're not trying to replace that. But just life light. Yeah, just,

Clancy Denton  18:16  
you know, surroundings, it's fun to be you and I go down to Dallas, some we've been down there way more now that Tanner is going to be living down there. It was fun to be in his space. And thinking he's going to get to live here and experience all of this. And so I'm ready for us to have a new experience for

Rick Denton  18:44  
us. It's a rerun of the refresh, even if it's new places like vows, or whatever. And the delight is that it feels still new because it's kind of a return for him. It's brand new. I think that is the itch that we're looking for is okay, what is the actual brand new for us? What does that look like? No, we're not announcing we're moving. Nobody freak out or anything like

Clancy Denton  19:05  
that. But now we're not anywhere near that. But we

Rick Denton  19:08  
still have plenty of things to do here. And that's like even last night. Yeah.

Clancy Denton  19:12  
But okay, you're skipping ahead though. You went out of order. Because

Rick Denton  19:20  
I have failed in the agenda of memorization. We need cue cards.

Clancy Denton  19:26  
We will get to that. But you know that. So while we're doing these things, and again, we offered to do these things for Tanner because he is staying out in Arizona and working. But this weekend, he went to Vegas. Yeah. And so my text on Saturday to him was, hey, since you're in Vegas, I need proof of life. And he texted back and said I'm alive going to John Summit here in 3530 to 45 minutes and I said Have fun. Would you go? Yeah, I said John Some sounds

Rick Denton  20:01  
like Oh, are they doing a Bible study studying the the verses 30 and 45? of John? Yes.

Clancy Denton  20:07  
The Gospel of John. At the top was live Beach, which is where he was.

Rick Denton  20:18  
John's I don't think they were studying the gospel, but probably was good news for them.

Clancy Denton  20:23  
Yes. But so he is having one last hurrah before he comes home next weekend. And again, for those of you who know Tanner's in Arizona, so Vegas is a quick trip for him. He's been several times since he's been out there, but his, one of his Dallas friends was going to be out there. So yeah, so yes, he is in Vegas with one of his good friends, Mike. And so they are looked like they are having a grand time. So making sure there's nothing in that picture. Looking at all the bow, everybody looks close. It looks it just looks like

Rick Denton  21:00  
my version of hell. Yeah, that's pretty normal.

Clancy Denton  21:05  
Yes, so. And let's see, those texts came in at 426 22 our time, which, on the weekends, Tanner, we don't get up that early. And I have it set for emergencies. Oh came through. So they are obviously having a good time. Yeah, but And so, you know, while they were having a good time, then yeah, I was gonna actually slightly different

Rick Denton  21:31  
but so we went out to we've talked about the PGA district before that's the area by the PGA headquarters that's been set up to have restaurants and there's other sort of golf things. They have done a good job of golf

Clancy Denton  21:43  
things that revolves around golf.

Rick Denton  21:47  
Fair, I was already thinking of the next slide. The putting green that's there and swing is there. This is not the course that's a little bit download, like the next building over. And they've done a good job though of setting up events we talked about, gosh, now this two weeks in a row or three weeks, we talked about the PGA the fireworks, they bring bands out there similar to how lava cantina does they bring a lot of cover bands out there landscape is grand scape and lava cantina and a specific place, they all tend to have a rotation of these bands. And this one was escape, which is the journey cover band. And so a riff to one of the album's that they did. These guys were actually pretty darn good.

Clancy Denton  22:29  
They were very good. Very good. And the George Strait guy we saw was very good too.

Rick Denton  22:36  
Well just shows you the talent that's out. Yeah, wait, it's amazing what people can do. I

Clancy Denton  22:40  
love a cover band. I love seeing the real bands too. But I love a cover band. And, you know, when I our friends invite us they that we've been trying to reconnect with and sent me a text and said, Hey, we may go to the journey caravan. Y'all want to do it? And we went with them to George Strait. I mean, this is a six minute drive from our house from both of our houses. We love it. You can just go up there, you get an outside table. We don't even mess with sitting on the green the lawn, which has plenty

Rick Denton  23:11  
of space, you could do it but it's nice. You know what it felt like? I was I had this thought I didn't say yes. It felt like being in sort of the boxes. Yeah, at a sporting event that you're in the box is being served food and beverage while the the event happens in front of you. But it was nice

Clancy Denton  23:25  
it is and to be able and sit out in July and Texas was incredible. There was nice outside last night

Rick Denton  23:33  
and to anyone who isn't from here. It was hot. Let's not there's no way to get around that it was hot yet because of the breeze because of the shade. We wonder how our ancestors pulled it off without AC probably because what they did, they just sat still in the shade and didn't do stuff when they when it was that hot. It was it was wonderful for being that hot.

Clancy Denton  23:53  
And that's it? Well, as you were saying we still have things to do around here. This is one of the things that is now is new jar area and the past two years. And we do enjoy going up there for these events and that kind of thing. And again, it's six weeks from our house. JP

Rick Denton  24:15  
said he was looking at vehicles. He said oh I found one that's like a four seater that I said no, no, no, it needs to be a five seater so that the driver can drive the four of us up there. So James, will you pull the golf carts around front for us

Clancy Denton  24:31  
and I think they're looking at that for their new because where they are moving to has a lot of eating areas around it. And so I think they're looking at that for that area. So fun. It was it was fun. It was nice. It was just enjoyable. And again, what I was gonna say is journey is not my favorite band. I of course listen to them and but when you hear all the songs again. Oh yeah. And I think they only played two that must have been on the B side. I didn't know

Rick Denton  25:06  
there were only two that I did not recognize from what I said is I never owned a single journey album, I only owned journeys, Greatest Hits, I certainly knew. I watched all the videos. I still remember the bus video, the play the keyboards on the side of the metal building video. Even Sherry, as he's walking through whatever that church hallway that he's walking through, I knew that I didn't, I don't know anything off of the greatest hits. So when they deviate from the greatest test, you can almost feel the energy of the crowd sort of kind of subside. And who knows, maybe just kind of a break that they're doing.

Clancy Denton  25:40  
And he sounded very close to Steve Perry. But when you looked at him, he looked like the new the old.

Rick Denton  25:49  
You heard, Neil, and when I say

Clancy Denton  25:54  
he really looked into Neil was the lead singer of Motley Crue, and

Rick Denton  26:00  
he had the headband, the hair and as all of us have put on a little more, he's got a little bit of his, his empty nest wait on it. So it was

Clancy Denton  26:07  
very, very good. It was a nice evening out. So, you know, yeah, we did a good job this week of getting back into our empty nest groove.

Rick Denton  26:18  
I think what it shows and is, well, there's kind of a mixture of two thoughts that are coming. They're not well formed yet. But it's, you have to both be thoughtful in planning these. And you have to be completely open to the unplanned. Because the journey one while it was planned a couple of days we did this wasn't planned for weeks.

Clancy Denton  26:44  
So it was less than 24 hours right? We are driving home from Dallas when I can't remember exactly the time. So

Rick Denton  26:49  
there's there's something about both of those that as an empty nester, you have to be in there's the word that's the one you always hear attention and you have to be intentional. And you have to be spontaneous, unintentional but spontaneous. I like that I was just going for the opposite the unintentional the spontaneous, both of those are what will make living the emptiness successful. And

Clancy Denton  27:11  
I think I've almost I don't know if this is a true true statement. I think I've done better lately with the spontaneous, let's do this, versus having something on the calendar and thinking about, there are certain groups that I look totally forward to meeting up with, and we plan well in advance. But it's almost if I know I have something then I almost am like, I don't really want to do this anymore. Whereas like last week, when we just went Do you want to go watch the fireworks? Okay, yeah, let's go. Yeah. Do you want it? So? I don't know. It's it's an interesting shift in how I see that I'm very scheduled and regimented and so it's it's an interesting shift that

Rick Denton  28:06  
you most definitely have added spot more spontaneity not that you were you were not in you were not in flexible before. But on the spectrum between completely liver play and just do it by spur the moment everything is scripted, you've been moving more towards the the unplanned, the willingness for the unplanned side of the pendulum than earlier in life. And

Clancy Denton  28:28  
I think that's maybe that's the I mean, it's definitely we have a different kind of freedom now that we don't have children's schedules. But the

Rick Denton  28:41  
only people you mess up not you the only people we mess up are ourselves.

Clancy Denton  28:46  
So yeah, that'd be an interesting I need to self reflect on that. I

Rick Denton  28:51  
think, is that gonna be the next bug though the only people we mess up? I can't even get it grammatically correct. So no, probably. Oh, goodness. will continue to be introspective. Clancy.

Clancy Denton  29:06  
I'm I think I just talking about what I wanted to talk about just emptiness guilt. I don't think I've I think I've had that in every stage of life with the children especially. I want there as much as we shouldn't want and I am by no means was never a helicopter parents. Never. But I want them to be happy and have good lives and it hurts me when they get disappointed about things. Yeah.

Rick Denton  29:46  
So how about actually emptiness goodwill versus just the new phase? Parent

Clancy Denton  29:50  
guilt? Yes. And mom guilt. You know, and I'm so bad. I probably have my My mom to think for this she didn't do this as much when we were younger but now everything is you need to eat. What do you want to eat can eat anytime anyone comes over, it's always feed feed feed. And by no means are any of us look like we are treated that way but it. Tegan had a really hard day at work really hard day at work this week. And so what did I do? I brought her her favorite cookies that she likes, and I had them at home when she was so and when I counted I didn't food

Rick Denton  30:36  
is love. And how did I

Clancy Denton  30:39  
Val's cheesecake. All right, yeah. So yeah, I'm probably not a good. I'm a food pusher, I guess. But again, none of my children would look like they were raised by food pushers for

Rick Denton  30:54  
fitness and metabolism, which is something that's declining as we get into the end knows. So.

Clancy Denton  30:59  
Oh, that was a that was a tangent for you. But I think this is my therapy. I'm not seeing a therapist yet. I probably showed at some point in my life. So I recognize my therapy, but which is also what Ashley and I call work is our therapy. So I

Rick Denton  31:22  
like that. Well, that's by design. We did tend to this as something just connect each other. So yeah, this is couples therapy.

Clancy Denton  31:29  
And we're letting all of you in on our baggage.

Rick Denton  31:33  
I don't remember a lot of therapists offices that had a gallery but you know, I'm imagining like the Seinfeld operating gallery. Well, I hope that everyone I hope that you enjoyed the therapy session. I know I enjoyed the therapy session. I hope that all of you all enjoyed the therapy session on the loud quiet living the empty nest

Transcribed by https://otter.ai