Traveling With Adult Kids In The Empty Nest E141

Rick Denton (00:00)
This week on the loud quiet, traveling with adult kids in the empty nest.

Clancy Denton (00:04)
Hey guys, welcome back to the Loud Quiet. We are back in the studio. Thanks for this is what it looks like. Thanks for letting us do a greatest hits episode and we hope you enjoyed the episode last week with Michelle. That one was a really fun one to do. Today we want to talk about travel and specifically traveling with your adult kids. You guys know how much we love to travel and so many of our stories

in our book are about traveling that first year. So again, our book is out. You can get your free bonuses now with the book. So head on over to theloudquiet.com. You can find how to get your book and those free bonuses there. But we wanted to talk about we just got back from a trip from Spain with our two kids. And we thought it'd be fun to talk about how it's a little different now traveling with

Adult age kit.

Rick Denton (01:02)
Yeah, 'cause you've i growing up with your kids, ⁓ the all the stories of you know, traveling to the different places that you might with kids, they're the ones in tow. They're the ones you're dragging along. They're the it's a different kind of dynamic when you've got adults that are making their own choices and have their own desires and it's well both pros and cons, fun and different and and all that.

Clancy Denton (01:27)
So why do you think traveling with your kids at at any age I would say? I mean at any age, because we have been traveling with our kids since ⁓ I mean, literally since they were diapers. Yeah. ⁓ yeah. I mean and like the little diapers. Like baby diapers. Yes. I mean Tanner's first trip to the Caymans was when he was a baby baby. And why do you think traveling with your kids ⁓ is important?

Rick Denton (01:56)
my gosh, ⁓ what you just said right there. my gosh, do you remember traveling to the cave? A memory comes flooding back of it was great to travel with him at that age because you could plop him down in this little raft, but it was on the sand and just he had fun, we had fun, and it's that memory. And I think that's one of the biggest things when it comes to traveling, why we have valued travel as a couple and as a family with growing up kids and now as a family with adult kids.

is those shared memories that you build. We are still laughing about trips that happened years or decades ago and that connection that comes from those memories kind of cements that family dynamic together.

Clancy Denton (02:42)
you know, he doesn't remember those trips and there's trips that she doesn't remember either, but we do, and we can show them photos. Whereas when we have given them a gift, most of those toys that they've gotten or things they've gotten even as older are are gone. But those photos are there. You know, I was telling you that

Just the other day, Tegan and I were over at my parents and we were telling them about our trip. And my mom and brother had gone to the casino and so we were talking about people on scooters. And Tegan and I immediately said, Well, we're going to Germany. Well, that is from a trip to Disney that was eons ago, but

It both popped into our head and none of y'all will understand what that means, but that is a shared family saying that comes out all the time. And so yes, it's those little things that and we laughed so much on this trip at just dumb stuff.

Rick Denton (03:51)
that's I think that's why it's even becoming more important as adult kids because when you've got your kids in the house, you're building memories all over the place. And all and and with especially now that we've got one kid that is truly out of the house and we've got one that returns in between university breaks, finding the moments to sh develop those shared memories gets harder outside of the context of travel.

Clancy Denton (04:18)
Now that they are adults, they're we booked three rooms everywhere we went so that they could each have their own room. It cracked me up. We would come downstairs in the morning and we would all be color coordinated. I mean we would all look at each other and be no one talked about what they were wearing. Now then I would say, well

I did buy most of these clothes that everyone has. So and I do do that. I tend to when we're going on a trip, especially when we're going to a specific place like okay, Spain. I think linen, I think as You really are stylists.

Rick Denton (04:48)
Shop for all all of us.

Clancy Denton (05:15)
Tanner and Tegan would be matching and you and I would be I mean, it it it cracked me up.

Rick Denton (05:20)
All right, so I mentioned the shared memories aspect of it, and there's so many more that we could to laugh about. What about you? Why do you think travel is important with adult kids?

Clancy Denton (05:28)
Well, I think it it teaches them how to respect other cultures, especially when you're going to places outside of your own country, which if you can do that with your children, I highly advise it because it does teach them how to be a visitor in another place. Right. I think that is really, really important.

Rick Denton (05:54)
Yeah, that use of the word visitor I think is good there because it's not that you're abandoning who you are. No. It's not that you're saying I I suddenly am not who I came to this culture as, but it's being respectful of the culture that you're in. And in and in case like in Spain, well a Spanish culture is pretty darn similar to a US culture. It's Western, but when we've traveled to Asia or to other places

The culture can be dramatically different. And yes, it it was even in Spain where there were elements of things that we might choose to do and the way that we operate as Americans doesn't quite fit into the way their culture is.

Clancy Denton (06:26)
Dinner

at ten o'clock at night is not something that that I do, but we adapt we we adapted to it.

Rick Denton (06:35)
I'm the one that enjoys those later dinners. And even just bringing up the topic of, you know, what would it be like if we did that here created quite a vibrant discussion. Well, and it's it's it's a chance to just teach your values. we're all humans together, we're different humans, and it's okay to be ⁓ different.

Clancy Denton (06:45)
Mm-hmm. ⁓

Rick Denton (07:01)
It's a chance for us to teach those values without us dictating those values. The kids just experience those values through travel.

Clancy Denton (07:09)
And there was an incident that happened in the f Familia Sagrada that two grown adult boys who were probably a little bit between Tanner and Tegan's age, probably closer to Tegan's age, so you know, probably college-age kids that did something very inappropriate and Tanner was very bothered by it and and he should have been very bothered by it. And

they just could not believe that people would act that way and do what they did. And yeah, you know, it just shows that someone was was not there to guide them along the way and teach them how to behave in other people's

Rick Denton (08:01)
And places. And that's a couple of kids being knuckleheads and not respecting not only respecting a culture, but respecting the building and the the the the sanctity of the building that it was itself. Yeah, knuckleheads exist in all cultures. So this isn't some sort of, you know, don't be the ugly American. It's kind of just don't be the ugly human. And travel helps you learn how not to be the ugly human. Yeah, one of the the values that I think all parents

I know it's important to us, and I imagine all parents when you're thinking about launching your kids is you want them to develop skills and independence. Well, I gotta tell you, travel is a development of skills and especially independence on steroids. There are there are decisions to be made, there are disruptions that occur, there are lessons that get taught even if they are not planned lessons that I think travel really helps, especially for adult kids, because when they're the younger kids,

They might not even be paying attention. They're just along for the ride and mommy and dad solve it. But what our kids watching us have to solve, okay, we want to get back from Toledo. What do you mean all of the the trains are sold out from Toledo? How are we getting back to Madrid? And maybe not solving it in the best or most efficient way.

Help them learn some lessons. Hey, hey, little tip for everybody. Do not take the buses from Toledo anywhere. That was that's kinda like the DMV of Toledo. It was something special when we went to the bus station.

Clancy Denton (09:33)
Bless Uber. Anyway. And being able to do Uber. Yes, it does. It you know, and again, we have chosen travel over some other things gift wise for our kids growing up. And because we did want to teach them these skills and independence, we got back from Spain.

Six days later, Tegan hopped on a flight to California by herself. You know, I had no qualms about her navigating any of that because she knows how to do it. So yeah, there's there several times on our trips now that the kids are like, Hey, no, it's over there. You know, they're directing and finding things when we're

haven't haven't quite found it yet. Sometimes they're they're a little quicker than we are on something.

Rick Denton (10:35)
Well then I think back to all the way back to Hong Kong and how long ago was that eight years? I don't know. It was it's it's ways back there. Yeah where Tander said, Hey, I want to go do this thing during the day. Can I go off by myself?

Clancy Denton (10:47)
Yeah, I think he went to the night market actually.

Rick Denton (10:49)
And it was by himself. And at the time Hong Kong a fine city to get around, he knew his way. You got phones, all that sort of thing. Well, that was an independence developer with him that now I'm confident that he can travel the globe.

Clancy Denton (11:03)
Yeah. And we didn't do that this much this trip, but we have in the past been like, okay, today is your day to guide us around. And we've done that with Tegan, like in New York. Okay, hey, we're going here, you get us there, just to make sure that they can navigate with Google Maps or with with whatever they and and yes, they can. But that is a good tip for those of you who are traveling with

with kids to let them be in charge of something, you know, one day so that you can see how they handle n disruptions and how to navigate.

Rick Denton (11:39)
And we're talking about this from the sense of, you know, how do they handle logistics and all that kind of stuff. What's also kinda nice is the parent to finally kick back and just be taken around somewhere. is that what you want to do today? Great. We I will follow. And that can be that little switching of roles can be v so wonderful to just kick back and enjoy the ride as the kid.

Clancy Denton (11:59)
leads the way. And that's, you know, leads us kind of into one of the last things of of why traveling with your kids is

You bribe them to spend time with you. Yeah. If if you're still footing the bill for it, they will probably want to come.

Rick Denton (12:17)
Hey,

we're planning a trip to X. that's neat. Uh-huh. We'll pay for you. Great. When do we get to go? You know, s the b the bribery and all of that is so it it's so true and it's so great to be able to spend time. Like that's why travel has been so important to us with the adult kids.

Clancy Denton (12:23)
Yeah.

Now,

luckily I feel like we don't we're not we don't have to bribe our kids to spend time with us. I don't feel like they still want to spend time with us, but there may come a point that we have to do that. So

Rick Denton (12:48)
Definitely. Well, and it's not a it's not even as binary of want to or not want to. It's where do you rank in the priority of the the interest and the activity and the time and the schedule. They really enjoyed. And I think we had spent a lot of time finding these activities. And like everybody else, we are looking for these activities typically by reading reviews and and and finding things through reviews. And that's something that we'd like to turn to y'all and ask a favor of y'all. If y'all are

enjoying the loud quiet, would you just hit pause right here and scroll down, especially if you're on Apple Podcasts and leave a review. We know that that's one of the best ways for people to find this community of empty nesters. It's one of the best ways for folks to learn about the show is to see what your opinions are of the loud quiet. And so if you would head over to any of your favorite podcast app, but especially if you're an Apple Podcast listener, scroll down there, leave review and share what your thoughts are about the Loud Quiet.

Clancy Denton (13:48)
Yeah, we appreciate that. So now let's move into what has travel looked like and what do we think it's gonna look like in the future? How is it gonna change? 'Cause it's not gonna change at all.

Rick Denton (14:01)
It's

gonna be exactly the same. It's gonna be the four of us having these delightful trips together with only fights every other day.

Clancy Denton (14:09)
There weren't too many fights. There weren't. There I wouldn't call

Rick Denton (14:15)
When you put anybody together, doesn't matter how deep the love is, for ten days there are going to be disagreements and irritation.

Clancy Denton (14:22)
Here's

what I will say.

Our children do not walk as many steps as we do a day or, you know, work out to the degree that we do a day. So I think they were pushed a little some days that they were like, my gosh, are we ever gonna stop walking or move?

Rick Denton (14:51)
Okay, but I like how you point out the the kids and yes there's that part. But it ⁓ you and I would find things to get irritated with

Clancy Denton (14:59)
Well

sure. Yes.

Rick Denton (15:02)
We had disagreements over a thirty minute difference in a restaurant reservation. And it it but it's real. It's not diminishing it. But yes, we got into a tiff over whether dinner was gonna be seven thirty or eight o'clock.

you so wanna go.

Clancy Denton (15:18)
No, I don't even remember w I I don't even remember what that was about. Anyway.

Rick Denton (15:23)
But it is funny how you you spend that time together, you love that the shared memory. Sometimes some of the fights can be some of the good shared memories too. I'm gonna laugh about that one.

Clancy Denton (15:34)
I think by the end of the trip everyone is a little bit even though we did have separate rooms, everyone is you're you're with everyone all day long. So yes, it is a lot. I needed a break from all of you people.

Rick Denton (15:54)
I think many of us felt the same way.

Clancy Denton (15:57)
No.

Rick Denton (15:58)
Brought to you by the loving dynamic of the loud quiet. So what has travel looked like and and what is it gonna look like going forward?

Clancy Denton (16:08)
Well, I think n you know, before when the kids were younger, we just planned a trip and they were not involved at all. Like we knew the times that we could go. We did it based off of our calendar and and the school calendar. But what we didn't and, you know, they're obviously athletic calendars, but now this one was very much Okay, when do you start work?

When do you get done with finals? When are you gonna be back from I mean it we had really literally ten days that we could squeeze this in and and that is when we we did. I mean that was it we had a time in May and we had a time in August and thank goodness we picked the May one in the end because the August one wouldn't have worked out anyways because We would have melted. August would have been miserable in Spain, yes.

Rick Denton (17:06)
That's I think a l I would have thought that when we moved into adult kid travel that we would be less constrained by the kids' schedule. Like I think that would have been an assumption that I had. And thinking about how we planned trips before, you had the whole summer and kinda in air quotes, because there were parts of it that weren't that. But now that they are adults with their own desires, Tanner had a festival he was going to, Tegan had the school schedule that she was coming back from and and the work that she had on her California trip.

Clancy Denton (17:33)
Born yeah.

Rick Denton (17:35)
They have now developed independent as they should, desires and schedules that we're having to navigate almost as equals with them when it comes to the calendar of if we want to travel together, how do we navigate that? And I think going forward, especially when we talk about growing families through marriages and through kids and what that might look like, the windows for travel and some of the desires that we had are gonna find themselves to be even more challenged.

Clancy Denton (18:04)
think maybe when they have their full time jobs it might get a little easier before they start having children because

Then that opens up a little more flexibility. Right now we're we're still tied to somewhat of a school calendar with them because they are both still in school. But I think maybe once they those those few years that we have when they just have full time jobs, maybe there'll be a little more flexibility. But I and who know, who knows? ⁓ but yes, and we also included them, you know, the past couple of years in

Hey, throw out some destinations where people wanna go. Right. And and, you know, before it was you and me picking where we wanted to go.

Rick Denton (18:53)
You will go here, kid, or you will stay home with grandparents. So Yeah, and I mean and some of that is Yeah, we listen to their suggestions. We don't always take them. ⁓ no Tanner, we weren't gonna go to Abiza for our trip this vacation. Man, how how many times do we hear the word Abiza?

Clancy Denton (18:56)
Yeah.

A lot. And I actually just sent him something 'cause there's some if you live in Dallas, down by where the town home is and down by where Rick and I used to live is White Rock Lake. And there's some guy that does some Abiza DJ sets. And so I said him, I said, Look, you can go to Abiza He was like, I'll pass. Yeah. He still he like, Mom, come on, we can hop on a flight and go and be back. It's like

No, I'm not doing that.

Rick Denton (19:44)
Well that so yes, the with adult kids what travel looks like is they will influence the planning destination, but they will not dictate it. Yes.

Clancy Denton (19:53)
All Tegan cared about was that it had good food. And Spain provided that boy very well.

Rick Denton (19:58)
Yeah. We're not gonna do it this episode, but my gosh, we can if anyone wants to DM us, we can tell you all the great places and great foods that we ate, we'd be happy to share that with you all. Yeah. One of the th another thing that traveling with adult kids going forward that we're starting to see is the real difference between our kids. And duh, the kids have been different all their lives, but as they are becoming the young adults that they are and as they are cementing their their lifetime personalities.

Man, those differences are showing themselves to be very distinct.

Clancy Denton (20:33)
Yes. Mm-hmm. We have one that would travel for months at a time. We have one that is seven days and then wants to be back at home. No. Unless and she said it. But she said, unless I'm with my friends. Thanks. Thanks.

Rick Denton (20:46)
Stevens.

It is fun. We will still remain the parents even if they are the adult kids. I challenge her on that. I bet you that she would still have a seven day or some similar limit even with friends.

Clancy Denton (21:07)
I think also this child that ⁓

wanted to go to a wanted to go back to Asia. And we didn't were not ready to go back to Asia yet. And so we picked a different destination that she was not super excited about. And this is also a child who does not love history, does not love now I will say on the tour she did enjoy, she did end up enjoying most of the tours, but by about

you know, the fourth cathedral that you've been in, she was done. You know there was no, you know, universal Super Mario video game, you know, none of that kind of stuff. So her ended Yeah. And she also enjoyed the the Prado and she liked the Prado Museum and the Picasso Museum 'cause those were things that she recognized and

Rick Denton (21:56)
Yeah.

my gosh though. Let's talk about the Picasso Museum for a second though. Their their path through the Picasso Museum is so different than like an art history major's. She finally was just not our jam. But my goodness, the moment that they got to all of his paintings of those

Clancy Denton (22:18)
well mine too. ⁓

Pigeons, yes.

Rick Denton (22:29)
Yeah. ⁓

Clancy Denton (22:33)
And they were obsessed with the pigeons. And Picasso's and the child with the mumps. Yes. That that was those were the two.

Rick Denton (22:42)
I do recommend the Picasso Museum. Yeah. I recommend though w going through it like we did. Yeah.

Clancy Denton (22:49)
Ha ha.

We never are about those things. But you know, I think she loved Asia. She could do Asia, I think, for many, many more days. Especially Japan. She loved Japan. That's just in her wheelhouse though, you know. So Do you think

Rick Denton (23:13)
Okay, so I'm I'm sitting here thinking about this. I know I really do feel like that I could just wash my clothes and keep going. Like I I could be on the road for weeks or months on end, especially with the family. I will always miss the family if I'm by myself, like the business trips and all that are from the past. I think I could keep going. So I feel like I'm more like Tanner in that regard. What about you?

Clancy Denton (23:38)
I don't know. I

I could not keep going at the pace that we were going. I would definitely need a and that's another thing that, you know, we have learned with Tegan. We have to build in a day that's just nothing. We have nothing planned. As much of a routine person as she is, we have to have a day that's kind of just a not filled day. I know you're saying it's And I think it's everybody. Yeah, and it's all right. And

Rick Denton (24:13)
She might get the the label of it.

Clancy Denton (24:15)
We ended up filling those days, you know, which I think

Rick Denton (24:18)
But a slower roll in the morning and that kind of stuff. But back to you. Yeah. No, I'm I'm curious. Cause I I no, I'm not gonna answer it.

Clancy Denton (24:27)
I don't know. I've never been put in that position.

I don't know. I don't know if I could do it. I don't know

If we were I don't know. I don't know how to

Rick Denton (24:46)
I th I think you would be I I don't I think you've got like a ten day, fourteen day limit in in your mind.

Clancy Denton (24:51)
I could go a little bit longer than ten days because I could have kept going if we had some breaks in between. Like this trip was compact and we pushed it. It wa it was quick paced. I could have if we slow rolled it a little bit more, no, I could have spent probably two weeks. I could have done two weeks. If we were going to different countries and that type of thing

I probably could if we like I said, slow rolled. I don't I could not do the let's be gone for three months. But that's also because I miss our children. yeah. I don't want to be away from my kids for three months.

Rick Denton (25:35)
But that's why the hypothetical I was presenting is is almost removing that 'cause I agree with

Clancy Denton (25:39)
Well

you said by yourself.

Rick Denton (25:42)
I was talking about I will miss like I miss the family taking that if the family is with me, then I could go for months on end. But I I couldn't be away from the family that long.

Clancy Denton (25:53)
I think two weeks is probably my max.

Rick Denton (25:59)
It is interesting to see that evolve even in our kids. So Tanner, as listeners, y'all all know ⁓ that he has a very serious girlfriend and she's a wonderful part of our lives and we've come to really enjoy her and and we were friends with her parents beforehand. This trip he was missing her. And even to the point that there was one evening that I he and there was a

an apartment that we had in Sevilla that overlooked the signature c the cathedral. It had a great patio out front. So there were evenings that he and I would grab a beer and sit out there. Well, he had at a market found a little cute stationery that had something that was meaningful to his girlfriend. And he had told me, you know, I'm just kind of feeling I think I want to write her a letter. And I exited and left him, you know, to to do that on his own. None of us know what's in there.

But it was so sweet to see him miss I don't want to s miss his relationships, kinda like you and I are describing missing our family relationships if we were away that.

Clancy Denton (27:04)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and I loved, you know, it in Toledo, you know, we had found this jewelry. They're they do this handcrafted jewelry and so we had both decided I was like, Okay, I want a necklace and he's like, Yeah, I really want to get something for us. And I mean, we really s he spent time like really thinking about what he wanted to get her and we spent time in the shop and so yeah, I mean it's you know and

I would have loved for her to come on this trip, but her schedule didn't align and everything and you know, but it did. You could see that he would have probably really wanted her to be there and you know, and made me think of ⁓ yeah you on your Italy trip.

Rick Denton (27:58)
That was a time that I was traveling with my parents in Italy, and I I'm gonna bring I can't calculate it right to know my exact age at the moment, but I was a young adult. I was already in my professional world, and you and I had been dating. We were in a very serious relationship. And we're it was at dinner and we were in an Italian villa and it was out in Tuscany and we were overlooking this beautiful setting, a kind of a valley, and the sun was setting, and the wine was great, and the food was great. And I thought

I really wish Clancy were here with me. I I miss not having her share this experience with me. And it was really sweet to watch what I'm inferring that Tanner was feeling the same thing, that this is a gorgeous setting overlooking a cathedral on a wonderful rooftop penthouse deck that he was missing, that she wasn't able to experience that with.

Clancy Denton (28:49)
Yeah. And so, you know, it just makes me, you know, think and us think, okay, well, soon we're probably gonna be adding Addison into our trips and, you know, which I love. I've I want to continue traveling to be a part of I mean, it's always gonna be a part of you and me, but I want that to be a part of still the kids and their spouses and their

kids, you know, if if we can continue to do that if schedules allow and everything, you know, I really want I know Tanner will really want that to be an important part of his family's life and I think Tegan will too. And so I you know, I want to us to be able to continue that well you know with them because we really we really didn't do that much

with your parents because with your dad passing away so quickly after before I know it it would have

It would have continued.

Harvest it.

Rick Denton (30:09)
I can't even imagine the glory of the trips that we might have taken with my parents had my dad p not passed away so early.

Clancy Denton (30:14)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. No, I d I'm I'm sure that we would have

Rick Denton (30:19)
Let's create that glory for our kids.

And going back to the bribery thing, hey, as long as we're footing the bill, I bet you our adult kids

Clancy Denton (30:26)
And and you know, it may permitt and it may be it may have to be split. We take some this time, some th you know, it may not be able to be a whole everyone goes every time.

Rick Denton (30:39)
I'm seeing like this entourage ⁓ descending on a medieval city as we go through our travels with the you know the the thirty person extended clan.

Clancy Denton (30:51)
You

know, the talking about them missing their friends or, you know, Tanner missing his girlfriend and but it was interesting, you know, they could stay in constant contact the whole time. I mean

Rick Denton (31:05)
Yeah, did I even talk to you when I was in Italy? I'm not sure.

Clancy Denton (31:08)
No,

I doubt it. No way. There would have been no ⁓ texting or call no

Rick Denton (31:15)
No, I meant like a long distance international. I doubt Hey Clayton, I love

Clancy Denton (31:17)
I doubt it. No.

You were so frugal, doubt it.

Rick Denton (31:24)
Now hang on a second. You're calling me cheap. I would have given you I didn't cheap. Yeah, you did

Clancy Denton (31:27)
Didn't use the word cheap I said frugal. ⁓ Lord Okay.

Am I lying?

Rick Denton (31:33)
I was wise with finances that allow us to do some of the bougie travel that you like traveling now.

Clancy Denton (31:39)
Being

frugal.

Rick Denton (31:42)
So I get the insult and you get the benefits of it. Okay, I see how this is. All right.

Clancy Denton (31:50)
But they could stay in constant contact. And even we, you know, were texting Brandy and Brian, Addison's parents, because they were in Vegas. So we were both like going back and forth comparing our trips and you know, it's just such a different world now.

Rick Denton (32:08)
Yes.

Clancy Denton (32:10)
⁓ We

had Jesus little Jesus in Spain. Someone had little Jesus going to Disney World and they had little Jesus going to Vegas. So Jesus is everywhere. All he is everywhere all the time.

Rick Denton (32:27)
It is Sunday when we're recording this.

Clancy Denton (32:31)
So that's been our kickoff to summer and our travel and I think we're done. The kid the kids have some things planned, but I think we're you and I are homebound for the rest of the summer until Yeah. Until we move one back to Arizona in August, which will be tons of fun, but

Rick Denton (32:47)
Planned.

Clancy Denton (32:56)
You guys share with us what family trips you have coming up or, you know, if you're traveling with your significant other somewhere, drop that in the Facebook community. You can find that at theloudquiet.com and just tell us where you're headed this summer. And thanks for joining us on the loud quiet.